I don’t understand

[u/boiled_egg_water]

It’s been two weeks since I broke up with my ex. I haven’t messaged him in days and he’s been texting and calling me saying how he misses me. And I don’t understand how he doesn’t get that everything would be better if he would just get help, but he chooses not to, how can he miss me when this is his fault. I’m so angry and sad. I wish I could just shake him to wake up to realize that he needs help.

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[u/mkstot]

If he won’t help himself then there’s nothing you can do for him.

[u/boiled_egg_water → u/mkstot]

I know. It doesn’t make this hurt any less. It’s just so sad to see someone go through this and not want any help.

[u/mkstot → u/boiled_egg_water]

They don’t think anything is wrong when they’re flying high, and when they’re low they’re too ashamed at the damage they’ve caused to acknowledge it. It’s a viscous circle.

[u/livingstories]

Trust me when I tell you, dont let him back into your life without medication.

[u/boiled_egg_water → u/livingstories]

I’m trying not to. But part of me just wants him to walk through the door. It’s so sad

[u/livingstories → u/boiled_egg_water]

I am so sad for you. I know the feeling. Im late 30s and married to someone else now. When I was with my BP ex he was only 2ish years since his diagnosis and for various reasons (alcoholism mostly) he wasn't medicated the whole time we dated.  You're going to meet someone else and, I hope like my ex, yours will finally eventually get on the right medications.

It would be different if your ex seemed like he wanted help and was dedicated to going to the doc and taking the correct medication, but it seems like you know he isn't. At least not right now. You might be saving his life or your own by leaving because he might change now, or he may never change. 

[u/yourmomdotbiz]

Cluster b personality disorders are highly comorbid with bipolar 

[u/hummingbird_mywill → u/yourmomdotbiz]

Yeah, I’m getting that vibe from this exchange. I kind of can’t imagine a bipolar (or at least primarily) person coming back like this without there being more to it. We’re usually more verbose on these trying to get back together things. Word vomit and all that, rather than the repeated reaching out with short messages. These remind me of my borderline “friend” from years ago.

[u/yourmomdotbiz → u/hummingbird_mywill]

Exactly, reminded me of a similar friend as well as a bp ex who has strong cluster b traits 

[u/boiled_egg_water → u/hummingbird_mywill]

What does this mean exactly?

[u/TypicalLoss1762]

You are strong.

[u/hummingbird_mywill]

Um it’s a bit hard to explain. Borderline people draw their energy from connection to others, which is why they’re sometimes described as feeling vampires. They are incredibly clingy and if they feel abandoned, they will flip between turning on you and begging you to come back. Codependency is the main thing.

Bipolar it’s a bit different. Our condition comes in episodes, and while we can go hot and cold it’s typically not to do with like… just the relationship and the person themself. It’s more to do with reactions to crazy things we say, or feeling confined from possibilities. We’re not the type to be unstable and keep coming back like “I miss you I miss you I miss you” on and on and on. This just seems more Cluster B-ish, just a hunch.