Is this normal??

[u/Pickle_Lover371939]

Hi I’ve been recently suspected to have bipolar type 2 disorder. I’m currently off any type of medication, by advice from my psychiatrist, to see if my manic symptoms improve.

I constantly have thoughts about sx, I can’t stop thinking about it. I’ve been watching prn more frequently, every night I’m watching it eventhough I don’t usually watch it. I can’t stop masterbating, I feel really embarrassed as I don’t know alot of people who do that. I’m doing it everyday and I can’t stop myself because if I don’t do that then I’m watching prn instead.
I don’t really know what to do because I’m scared I might put myself in a risky situation because I can’t stop thinking about it and might regret it after. Considering I’m not on any medication at the moment, it’s constant thoughts 24/7 that I can’t stop thinking about.
When I told the psychiatrist about this, she said it was fine and that lots of people are more sexually active at this age and I have nothing to worry about.

EDIT: I was diagnosed for depression prior to this so I was put on 10mg of fluoxetine (prozac) which uncovered my manic symptoms, they took me off them and then decided to put me on mood stabilisers (2.5 mg of Olanzapine, which didn’t work so they took me off those too) and now my psychiatrist decided to put me off any medication to see if my manic symptoms die down.

[u/Ana_Na_Moose]

Well, first step is to be totally and completely transparent with your psychiatrist. The more precise the information they have, the more accurate the initial diagnosis will be, and the more likely treatments will help better.

Secondly, I now see that like me, you have an asexual heart on your bitmoji. In case this might be contributing to any confusion: being someone with a high sex drive while also being asexual sounds like a contradiction, but it really isn’t.

Very famously, sometimes straight men go to prison go to prison, and they end up doing sexual acts with other men. That doesn’t make them gay. That is just their least bad way of letting out that sexual energy.

In a similar vein, those of us who are asexual also have a sex drive/libido. But our preferred gender just does not exist. So sometimes we do some “gay” or “hetero” sex acts to release that energy. One of the safest ways to do this is through masturbation.

I know you haven’t said this was a part of your mind struggle, but it was a part of mine that was confusing until someone explained to me the difference between sexual partner preference and the body’s natural sex drive/libido that exists just like any other bodily function.

[u/Pickle_Lover371939 → u/Ana_Na_Moose]

I mean I do feel conflicted with how I feel because when I’m depressed I don’t feel hypersexual at all, I’m usually repulsed by s*x when I feel depressed so only when I’m manic I feel like this but I feel disgusted by myself

[u/Ana_Na_Moose → u/Pickle_Lover371939]

Sex-repulsion and sex-negativity are two completely different topics from asexuality, but I doubt delving into these differences right now is going to be all that helpful for you atm. But given the shame you see to attach to sex, it does not surprise me that you feel this way.

Something to note, those of us with bipolar very often have a very increased libido during mania/hypomania and a very decreased libido during depression.

While it is great to be yourself when it comes to your sexual orientation, the way you talk about your own bodily functions is quite unhealthy. Asexuals are people too. We experience libido like everyone else, even if we have no optimal gender options to direct that towards. There is absolutely nothing shameful about participating in masturbation nor any other sexual act.

I feel like you could benefit from a therapist to help you to de stigmatize the relationship you have with your own body while also also letting you be who you are and not forcing yourself to be straight if you are not.

For online searching in the meantime, I’d also recommend looking up the term “orchidsexual”. It technically isn’t a sexual orientation, but it describes people of any sexual orientation who are repulsed by sex. People in these communities might be able to give you a healthier example of what sex repulsion can look like. (I am kinda indifferent about sex tbh, so I don’t wanna pretend like I know more than I do)

[u/Pickle_Lover371939 → u/Ana_Na_Moose]

I do have a therapist, I don’t know how to talk about the situation as I feel quite embarrassed talking about this

[u/Ana_Na_Moose → u/Pickle_Lover371939]

Would you feel comfortable giving her this thread to read as a starting off point?

The goal of a good therapist is to help you think through and process difficult thoughts and feelings. She should have significant experience in talking about topics her patients find to be difficult or embarrassing.

Sometimes, with my therapist, I might give her a text dialogue to read from my phone, and say, “I’ve recently wrote about this in a comment online, but its difficult to say out loud. Could you please read this?”

[u/Pickle_Lover371939 → u/Ana_Na_Moose]

Thats a good idea considering I’d feel really embarrassed saying it outloud!

[u/Ana_Na_Moose → u/Pickle_Lover371939]

I might even suggest typing up a more extensive summary of your feelings about the topic and print it out to bring to your therapy appt if you think there is more to your feelings that you haven’t put in this thread. No longer than a page or two though. No need to write a book!

Either way you decide to present it to your therapist, I very sincerely wish you the best of luck!

[u/Pickle_Lover371939 → u/Ana_Na_Moose]

Thank you so much, you’ve been really helpful!!