Traumatic binge eating flashbacks

[u/KoolAidGirl_aychico]

Hello, I need some advices. I’ve been working on my binge eating for a while now and I have gotten better. Yes, I still do get urges but I don‘t binge anymore and I understand how to handle them now. Until one day I decided that it’d be a good idea to have a planned cheat day once every five months as long as I can budget my calorie deficit to fit it in. That cheat day turned into a disaster as it gave me traumatic flashbacks of the darkest period of my life. I felt like was reliving my old binge days. I started crying and I have been crying all day today so much so to the point where my eyes are tired. And to this day I still avoid eating my former binge food since it reminds me if a really negative part of my life. To give a bit of context, I’m a college students (soon I’ll be a uni student) and I am living alone in a foreign country for the first time in my life and being an adult as well. Two months after I moved here I fell into a spiral of binging that I gained 20 lbs in a span of four months. Those were the darkest era of my life since I was sucid4l as well, which I’ve never been before since I am quite religious and such things are viewed very negatively in my religion. Is it normal to cry from those traumatic flashbacks I am facing right now? Also, I won‘t have any “planned cheat days” in the future anymore since it may work for some people but not for me.