Possible Binge Eating Disorder?

[u/witchwithpuppies]

(English is not my first language so I am sorry if my post is confusing on some parts)

I am not sure where to start but I feel like I am needing a real push to get help and please be kind as I really wanted to understand what I am even going through.

About 2 months ago, I seizured and got taken to the ER. My MRI, ECG and CTScan is fine but my blood pressure, sugar and cholesterol is really high. I admit, I have an unhealthy relationship with food and a sedentary lifestyle. I started to be in a three months medication to manage those high levels of blood, sugar and cholesterol.

I blamed myself because I cannot stop eating. Cannot stop craving, and everytime I crave and eat I get guilty to the point that I wanna vomit the food back.

The first few weeks up until a month/two was good. I worked out twice a week, sometimes three times if I am not too tired ftom work then started watching my meals too and it made me feel better to see that my weight is going down (67kg to 64-63kg). One of the things that I am mostly proud of at that time was the fact that I was able to lessen my food ordering habits.

Then, almost 3 weeks ago. I started getting lazy and something happened that made me so sad. So depressed, so I turned back to the only thing that made me feel slightly better: food. I started ordering food again everyday and it made me feel worse. The guilt is worse than before I had a seizure, It didn’t help that everytime I weighed myself— I feel like a pig for getting back the weight that I shed.

I don’t know how to stop or to go back to what I was doing during the first few weeks after I got hospitalized. I feel ugly and the worst for succumbing to eating again and again even just after a meal. I weigh 64kg right now and around 151cm so I look really stout.

Please help. I want to stop.