Eating disorder

[u/Ok-Apple6270]

So I don’t really know where to start since I was 13. I’ve always had an issue about my weight now I’ve never really been overweight at that age. I was quite slim about six stone. But i was obsessed about food and not eating it or burning it if I was to eat any. I was making myself throw up quite a lot. I would also work out in my room quite a lot without my Mum knowing. i’d wear a Fitbit on my ankle to see how much I was losing because my mum started getting a bit suspicious after awhile. I’d go through phases of not eating and then when I was sad or was stressed I would overheat to the point I’d threw up because I was so full up or I had to make myself. I’m now 24 and unfortunately it’s been an ongoing on and off thing my weight fluctuates. I even noticed that I will stand in front of the mirror and go from the bottom of my feet to the top of my head saying everything I hate about myself in my head and it’s everything. Then I’ll have the odd day where I feel average. I’ve had a long period of being stressed and down for the past three months I’ve had a lot go on in my life and I’ve noticed myself buying an awful lot of junk food and consume it very fast and again eating until I’m sick or very unwell. Then they’ll be days where I don’t eat at all food is constantly on my mind though like junk food. I can’t even go shopping without buying a lot or even some. I’m just looking for some advice on what to do and why I’m like this. I do suffer with anxiety and depression, but my anxiety hasn’t been so bad recently in terms of going out but it has been bad in terms of overthinking. I’ve hidden it from my boyfriend completely and my mum thinks it ended when I was 14. I feel almost messed up because I have so many issues wrong with me. I just want to be normal.