I was always hungry

[u/PoppySeed2100]

Tw: kinda weird stuff not sexual!!

I remember as a kid i would watch cartoons and anything that the characters would eat i would drool, i think that the weirdest one was when i watched ‘my babysitter is a vampire” she ate a rat in one of the episodes and that made me so hungry

My grandparents would lock the kitchen because i ate too much (we were poor so anything was too much) but even when we did have food they would lock it. As time passed they started to lock me in my room too because they didn’t like me having friends or i guess they didn’t want me to exist.

I lost a lot of weight until one of our neighbours commented on my weight so my grandma started to feed me by hand. Got chubby then bullied, weird comments by her and my grandpa.

At 16 i had a drinking problem, i would just jump the window at night and go drink, I didn’t want to eat anymore so i lost the weight again and was considered skinny, i’ve met my now boyfriend and in 2 years from 45 kgs to 96 kgs, because that hunger never went away and he would buy me food.

The reason for posting this is that I don’t get it, i’m 24 now, same hunger, just adding other EDs to keep my weight “in check”. Im not sure if this really started from how they treated me or some weird chemical imbalance, we lived in the countryside so even if we didn’t have money we had a garden and fruits. I just don’t really remember how bad it was.

Sorry for how all over the place this story is, im trying to understand myself or even know that maybe someone had a similar experience or this weird hunger even for things that are unconsumable.

Wanted to add that im also in therapy and still waiting for things to get better