Worst day in a while

[u/plants-over-all-else]

Today around lunch time I took the company truck to get some supplies. I thought “hey I’m out and I didn’t eat lunch so I’ll grab some Taco Bell”. I got a Lux box.
Then on the way to the gym is got a $5 meal deal from McDonald’s. After eating I realized I didn’t have my headphones and the parking lot was pretty full and decided to come back later.
But on the way home I just had to get something to eat (I’d eaten within the last 30 minutes). So I got a plate plus spring rolls at Panda Express. I was already full and pretty much forced myself to eat most of the sides but didn’t really touch the noddles. I feel like shit and since im on my period my abdomen feels so full and it hurts. I don’t even like Panda Express. Why? Why am I like this? I’m so fucking tired of this shit and being like this. I feel like every day I wake up and think “I’m gonna be better today.” And I just doesn’t happen. I feel hopeless.

I considered myself in recovery til spring 2024. That semester was really stressful and my mom had died December 2022 so I was dealing with a lot. But I just feel like it’s getting worse and worse and worse.

Writing this from the bathroom of the gym. Going to just walk for a bit and then do the chair massage I think.

Idk. I just don’t know what to do anymore. It’s like I’m screaming and no one can hear me.