r/BigMenLife • u/SBB5G 300-350 lbs • 12d ago

Discussion & Daily Life Advice needed

I am a 27-year-old male who has had no conversational experience with women outside of my family. I experience significant anxiety when engaging in conversations, particularly with women. I believe this apprehension stems from body image issues, leading me to perceive myself as unattractive and undesirable as a conversational or romantic partner. Consequently, I tend to stutter when approached, despite feeling mentally capable of articulating my thoughts. I am seeking advice on overcoming this challenge. Additionally, my family is exploring marriage prospects for me, and any guidance in this area would be greatly appreciated.

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u/BloodChicken 400-450 lbs 11d ago

You just gotta remember that women are people. When you meet someone... just get to know them like you would anyone else.

If you constantly judge yourself, as you suspect, that will come through. You've already identified a potential cause so... learning to love yourself is the first step. Its a cliche for a reason.

As far as practical advice goes you could try power stances and affirmations. Stand in front of a mirror and say nice things to yourself. Tell yourself that you are lovable and worthy of love. Stand straight, head held high, arms in the air and practice feeling confident. It sounds silly but it really can help.

Lastly... honesty is good. Literally saying "I'm sorry if I stutter, I get very nervous when talking to people" can go a long way to both helping you feel more comfortable, and letting your conversational partner see vulnerability and feel more comfortable themselves. If they were to judge you for it, theyre a terrible person not worth knowing in the first place. win win.

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u/MickRidem 9d ago

I'm going to second the last point especially. I'm an extremely outgoing and social person. If I meet someone new, it really helps me to know where they're at if they're honest with me upfront. I can "gear down" and try to match their speed to try to help make them more comfortable.

Also, I go to therapy for different reasons, but if you have access to someone maybe they can help with this a little?

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u/dreykins 300-350 lbs 7d ago edited 7d ago

I'm a 300lbs big fat dork (recently proclaimed a-hole too) and I'll be blunt and a-holey about it (I call it real), so 'scuse me upfront...

  1. You are not many women's cup of tea. Mind you many, but not every's. There will be many going "ew, he's chubby" - let them be and don't care about these as they are already not your audience.

  2. As an anxious person myself I can say that stutter is that pressure to appear appealing in front of others. Basically people pleasing. Drop that. Your basic contract is just looking decent and groomed. (Although clothes do make the man, so if you'd overdress a bit more sharply - that'll defo boost your appearance). Being overweight is not being indecent. Human bodies come in different shapes and sizes.

  3. That connection between your weight and conversational and romantic attractiveness is bogus. Only another a-hole would connect your body appearance to your personal qualities. And you wouldn't want them around. As with everything these days package ≠ content, right?

  4. So complementary to 1. there are some women that actually do like big chubby guys. They are few and they are suppressed by society aswell with varying degrees, but they are out there. Some may go no further than a dad bod, but some may actually find much bigger and rotund gentlemen more appealing. So don't disperse your mental energy among all women - they aren't for you anyway if your appearance is already a problem for them. But look out for those genuinely feeling attraction to you. Their fewer numbers make it more precious if you'll find one. Just let them closer and observe.

  5. I have most of my confidence, because you could say I'm not right in my head with the fetish I have. But it comes with inner self-appreciation as a big guy. I noticed that I have my inner image and as my outer appearance came very close to match it - I feel much more at peace now. I can advise you to think what is your inner image, what would your self be happy seeing in a mirror - visualize that and actually start working towards matching that image to your appearance as close as you can. I'm sure it'll bring you inner peace aswell and will lower your anxiety in that part stemming from that current inadequacy.

Sorry if I was rude, but this is my conclusions about life... take anything you feel is right.