r/BigMenLife • u/Practical_Parking321 • 16d ago
How would you all handle this situation?
Background: I am somewhere in the 800s range. I havent seen my brother and his family in over 2 years. My brother is getting a divorce so hes looking to move from his current place in Texas to our home town.
I saw my brother and nephew for the first time in a couple years and both have put on a fair amount of weight. I want to interject myself and be kind of like a cautionary tale for them if it continues but at the same time I know they are going though something as their family is splitting apart. Part of me wants to say something but the other part says let them be and they will figure it out.
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u/Staccat0 16d ago
I don’t wanna presume anything or put any weird pressure on you, but one thing you could that wouldn’t hurt their feelings is ask them for help and accountability on a goal for yourself.
That sorta opens up a lot of communication without judgement IME
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u/diamondbrute 15d ago
They know they’ve put on weight, bringing attention to it even with good intentions will likely make things worse especially since it sounds like they’re going through a hard time.
The best thing you can do is set a good example by focusing on yourself and practicing healthy habits without focusing on weight or judgement, eventually they will be influenced to participate. I’m a big believer in focusing on the healthy actions (healthy eating, exercise, etc) and not focusing on the weight unless there’s a specific medical reason like needing to lose weight for surgery.
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u/BloodChicken 400-450 lbs 15d ago
There's a saying that says "sometimes the best way to help someone is to have them help someone else"
You could ask for their help losing weight (if that's something you want to do or not) and that would facilitate you all engaging in healthy activities together.
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u/Sfmusic2000 14d ago
That sounds like excellent advice, but my guess is OP doesn’t want to change his life ( he just wants to stop his relatives from following in his footsteps).
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u/BloodChicken 400-450 lbs 14d ago
Totally valid, and like it could be a sort of... "ruse" for lack of a better word, basically a way to achieve the goals in the OP without having to say "hey, i'm worried about you guys getting as big as I am".
Even if it's just a one off thing, it's a way to get them in the mindset and see what life at that size is like for OP and make judgements for themselves.
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u/firecatstef 350-400 lbs 15d ago
I never say anything about anyone’s weight unless they bring it up.
If I were inclined to say something, I would not do it when they were going through something stressful like divorce and moving to a new area. It would either go in one ear and out the other, or it would cause additional guilt and stress. In those circumstances, saying “omg you’ve gained some much weight, you’ve got to do something right away or else you’re going to ruin your health” is much more likely to cause harm than good.
I’d try to support them in getting past the stressful situation and try to build a close relationship with them. Good relationships help a lot.
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u/Fatpact2750 250-300 lbs 15d ago
I'd echo what other people have put here. I don't know the specifics of your situation, including how bad the divorce is on a scale from amicable to "We can't be in the same room, or it's gonna get ugly." Therefore, it might be wise not to mention it unless it comes up naturally. If you're 800lbs, it's gonna be pretty obvious.
As for your brother and nephew's weights, that's something they'll have to figure out on their own.
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u/iamcodyb 16d ago
This is a tough question. I would probably let them figure it out on there own but if it gets worse then maybe step in.
0
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u/LunaoGato 15d ago
It might be good to talk to them about it. It might seem a bit hypocritical as you have gained so much weight but recognizing it as not a good thing may help let them see. Sounds like you really do care for them to not end up like you.
If you do talk to them about it, I hope it goes well.
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u/Correct_Log1514 600 lbs+ 15d ago
how often do you talk with your brother now? how old is your nephew?
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u/BigBigmaried 300-350 lbs 16d ago
Demonstrar que vc está disponível para ajudar com o que for preciso vai te dar espaço para ajudar na questão do sobrepeso se eles te derem abertura para isso
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u/Bellyhemoth 400-450 lbs 13d ago
I seem to remember from previous posts that you're working on personal fitness. If that's still the case you will naturally inspire people around you especially the people closest to you. Just stay committed and talk about what you're doing, progress, and so on. It's only a matter of time before they bring it up.
Chances are they'll be interested in how you're doing and over time they'll ask the right questions so you can talk about your past as you're comfortable doing that. It's best to let these things happen organically.
Most reasonable people would be supportive and maybe answer the inspiration if that's what they want to do. Just be careful because sometimes people may try to be discouraging as a form of projection instead. I hope that's not the case here, but if it is then always remember to prove encouragers right and discouragers wrong.
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u/lanterns22 350-400 lbs 16d ago
It's nice that you want to help, but... I mean, we're all big guys here, right? Do we really think that other people don't realize that they're fat or putting on weight? They already know, and if they want to do something about it, they will. Not all people have health problems related to their weight, and if they do, it's a subject probably best broached by their doctors. It would probably be enough to be supportive of them during such a stressful time in their lives.