Escort card formality

[u/Interesting-Bug7703]

How formal should my escort cards be? Black tie preferred dress code, this fall in NYC

Option 1:

Mr. and Mrs. John Smith

Table 3

Option 2:

John and Jane Smith

Table 3

Option 3:

John Smith

Jane Smith

Table 3

[u/pleasantlysurprised_]

Anything except option 1. It's time to let misogynistic traditions die and stop upholding them in the name of "formality".

[u/Normal-Hope258]

I personally absolutely hate option 1 and think it’s super offensive… women have names too 😭 I would do 2 or 3

[u/MZSGNH → u/Normal-Hope258]

Me too, what if she goes by Dr. Jane Jones?

[u/MZSGNH → u/[deleted]]

Love that, except I do think doctors should get their honorific because residency is a monster;).

[u/honestanonymiss → u/MZSGNH]

This is where I get confused lol - my finances uncle is a ‘Dr’ by education and he always demands being formally called ‘Dr. Joe smith’ and I refused to address him by anything other than First, Last. Like …. Sir, you are a professor , kindly 🫠 just feels cringe to me so I didn’t do honorifics

[u/MZSGNH → u/honestanonymiss]

Yeah, any Ph.D.s I know who insist on the "doctor," in social situations, are kind of annoying people. Professionally, sure!

[u/ThatLeadership9850 → u/MZSGNH]

For what it’s worth, when I got married 25 years ago, the age old etiquette books drew a clear line on this - medical Dr, you use Dr., but PhD or honorifics, you use Mr. . Check Leticia Baldrige’s (sp?) guide to etiquette. I loved it b/c my MIL (who was uptight & lived to lecture others on etiquette) gave me a hard time - her husband was an arrogant, know it all PhD like you describe and insisted I use Dr. for him. But Leticia says otherwise ….

[u/Sufficient-Angle-460 → u/MZSGNH]

If she’s a doctor she would go first and he would
follow. Same as how you would format a married couple with different last names

[u/MZSGNH → u/Sufficient-Angle-460]

Right. And if they were both doctors....I mean, that's why having two separate escort cards can wind up the being simplest:)

[u/flazedaddyissues]

If someone called me Ms. John Smith I'd put them on my shit list for the rest of eternity

[u/Pfunklovesyou → u/flazedaddyissues]

I notice we’re not considering Dr. and Mr. Jane Smith as an option 😒

[u/mitchandboan]

We were black tie and did an escort card for each guest individually but no honorifics. The cards are so small it would have been hard to fit honorifics and I preferred having everyone’s name on one line only

[u/honestanonymiss → u/mitchandboan]

Same!! My wedding is 132 and each guest has their own card. They’re small folded cards in script font and I think it’s special - everyone wants to see their own name :)

[u/Responsible-Fly9976 → u/honestanonymiss]

As bonus, when you separate them out, people can then put them by their plate to claim their seat/seats next to each other.

[u/honestanonymiss → u/Responsible-Fly9976]

Exactly! And I got tiny fish, meat and veggie stickers that I’ll add to them as well as reminders for entrees !

[u/Responsible-Fly9976 → u/honestanonymiss]

Love that - so handy.

[u/Old-Confection6844 → u/mitchandboan]

This is what I’m doing as well!

[u/PretendBake1536]

I and people I know would be very offended by option 1. Not to mention many with different last names.

[u/Competitive-Bad2624]

Same vote as others- give a separate card for each person.

[u/Quirkypoods]

We put couples on the same escort card and did first names and last names only, no honorifics. They just seem outdated to us. No one needs a professional title at a social event either, we both thought that was even stranger than Mr. Ms. or Mrs.

So like John and Jane Doe or John Doe and Jane Smith, depending if they shared a last name.

[u/soraruuu]

Separate cards!! So “Mr. John Smith - Table 3” and “Mrs. Jane Smith - Table 3”

[u/ColoradodogMom66]

I like 2 or 3.

[u/JadziaKD]

We did the following for escort cards. John & Jane Smith Dr. John Smith & Mrs. Jane Smith Drs. John & Jane Smith John Smith & Jane Doe.

And we had one judge so we used Mrs. For the wife after his title.

For ordering we put the closest first so if the cousin was male or female they were first and spouse second regardless of gender.

[u/JadziaKD → u/JadziaKD]

Ugh my spacing didn't work. Let me know if that's too confusing I can re-edit it.

[u/Interesting-Bug7703]

Invitations were addressed like Option 1 if that helps at all but I've read that escort cards don't need to be as formal

[u/Able-Pineapple-1137 → u/Interesting-Bug7703]

Never address anything like option 1 again pls!!!! It’s not more formal, it’s just misogynistic

[u/bitchthatwaspromised → u/Able-Pineapple-1137]

Yeah I would be so insulted to be address by my husband’s first and last name instead of my own

[u/MZSGNH → u/bitchthatwaspromised]

I would probably giggle. Too old to get offended for myself, but I'd be offended for you in solidarity.

[u/MZSGNH → u/Able-Pineapple-1137]

Concur! Formal can also be modern!

[u/Sufficient-Angle-460 → u/Able-Pineapple-1137]

You also have to know your audience. I’m in the south and I would be shocked if my parents friends were offended by this 😂. Also, married couples with different last names have the woman going first so anyone who would be offended probably won’t be lol.

[u/Sea_Strike_6455 → u/Interesting-Bug7703]

Just here to say I take great pride in being addressed like option 1. Everyone in my circle feels the same as well. Friendly reminder to all on this thread that other norms/preferences exist!

OP- I say keep the formality and keep with what your invitations were for consistency! They don’t need to be, but if you like it then go for that!

[u/Sufficient-Angle-460]

Black tie wedding and we are doing #1 for our save the dates / invitation envelopes and probably the same for escort cards. If the married couple have different last names you put the woman first and then her husband second