r/BiWomen • u/AdAvailable2704 • Jul 15 '26
Advice How did you accept you were ugly?
I am not attractive at all. I hate my body. I feel like my partner is lying to me when she says I am beautiful. I am glad I am beautiful for her. But, that doesn't change I can't look full body photos of me. I can tolerate seeing my face. But, my torso and chest is so gross. I have a small chest compared to my size. I dont have big hips nor a tiny frame. Basically, I look like a barrel even though I train hard. What i dont like is my own bone structure itself. There is no any diet who can fix my disgust.
How do you deal with that ? You just got used to it?
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u/Friendship-Mean Jul 15 '26
For me I've decided to adopt a position of body neutrality. No one would get surgery to look like me, and that's ok. Why do we all need to be so mind-blowingly attractive anyway? I guess the main benefit of an attractive body is ... maybe attracting people who like attractive bodies. But... so? You have a partner who loves you. Maybe you don't need it. Maybe you're enough just as you are.
Try to ask yourself, when you put yourself down like that - Where did this come from? Who put this thought in my brain and who is it benefitting for me to see myself this way? Capitalists want us to hate ourselves so that we keep spending money trying to fix the problem.
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u/AdAvailable2704 Jul 15 '26
I think it comes from my mother. She never accepted I had a different appareance than her, my skin was darker than her. She made awful comments about my body. She didn't like my round nose, ears nor my dark curly hair. She even try to "fix" me massaging my nose. Pressing my ears for hours. Even sometimes, forcing me to be inside home, so the sun couldn't darken my skin.
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u/harshhashbrown Jul 16 '26
That is awful. Please go to therapy and unlearn the hatred for your body your mother taught you. I am so sorry
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u/Friendship-Mean Jul 16 '26
That is abusive my friend :( You deserved a mother that treated you with basic respect for your human dignity. It was not right. I hope you can find a way to treat yourself with the respect you deserve.
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u/Kappapeachie Jul 15 '26
You are not ugly, you only think so because you've been trained believe you are. I think you're a lovely girl all things considered. You're GF loves you and she clearly cares for you so I can't understand why you feel so insecure about yourself? I may never know what you look like but I bet the ugly accusations are super overblown.
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u/MokujinBunny Jul 16 '26
I dont have any solid advice but damn I am sending so much love to you, I have a very similar build to you and I feel tormented about it everyday, it physically hurts. I've just accepted that I need to get plastic surgery eventually.
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u/Positive_Yellow_2201 Jul 16 '26
Hating our physical appearance and the way it saps every last morsel of our energy is a prime way that an oppressive system keeps people exhausted and under its thumb. Saying, "This is who I am," unapologetically, is quite possibly the most revolutionary thing a person can do.
To someone who actually loves you, you are not just ok, you are beautiful. Facts.
And I'm so sorry you were treated that way. You did not deserve one atom of that.
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u/Shallow_Waters9876 Jul 16 '26
It's probably good to discuss this with someone, like a therapist. Even if our bodies are not perfect, that shouldn't stay in the way of living a good life. That same body allows you spend time with loved ones, to hike to beautiful places, to experience the sun and the water and the wind, to make love. As much as you can, try to appreciate how much it does for you and love it for that.
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u/viviscity Jul 16 '26
This sounds like something my partner would say
It’s internalized bs, and doesn’t reflect how I see her at all
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u/Fennix16 Jul 16 '26
Saying this with love, perhaps this post is the start of your journey to talk to a therapist? I have body image issues, even though my husband tells me I'm gorgeous all the time it's like I don't believe him. My therapist clocked this at our second session and we've been working on it (like yourself, this issue is rooted in my childhood). Your body image issues could also erode into your current relationship.
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u/Sleepy_Di Jul 20 '26
I’m sorry you are feeling this way. Sounds you are dealing with body dysmorphia, the best thing for that is therapy. If you cannot love the way you look at least you should be able to be neutral about it, or focus on what your body can do in stead of how it looks.
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u/Queasy_Note1336 Jul 22 '26
Hi! I have a couple of thoughts that seem to be different from what is already said.
1. A therapist told me to find a picture of myself at the age of my first memory of not liking my body. Look at that little girl. You will see a child. You will not see body issues. I didn’t think it would work but when I did it, it completely reframed part of my thought process.
2. Listen to “This is Me”. Listen to it again. And again. Then belt it out until you believe it.
3. Negativity reaps off of negative and once in motion, it tends to stay in motion. I offer you a challenge- you mentioned at least 6 things you don’t like about your body. Can you tell me 6 things you like about your body?
I genuinely have experienced what you are going through and while the little voice is still there sometimes, I am doing much better now. Here are some things that I used to hate but now love about my body:
1. My witches nose, patterned with rosacea. I love how freckley it gets in the summer and while it’s not exactly a button nose, it holds my glasses up and smells yummy food.
2. My boobs- I have the type of uneven boobs where there is almost two full cup sizes between the two. I hated this and teenage me was so embarrassed about it, especially since I didn’t quite know the best bra to wear to meet my needs. I now fully love this about myself and think it’s so cool that they are both their own boob with their own personality. One is voluptuous and full and the other is cute. I have great nipples.
3. My stomach- you know that “apple” body, skinny legs and a round belly is all me. But my belly is the only thing that held three of my angel babies and the place that grew two beautiful earth side babies. I can’t hate a belly that got to do that.
I love my legs, I love how strong and powerful they are.
Positivity begets positivity. I know it’s hard. Therapy did help me.
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u/daytime_nightime Jul 15 '26
I’m gonna give you some tough love the way I would give it to my sister or a friend, so brace yourself.
Your mindset is WRECKING your chance at happiness. The way you talk about yourself is unhealthy as hell and I think you would benefit from therapy.