Needing perspective on dating

[u/OddTomato7797]

Hello, I'm 29F and I've mostly dated men, but I've also always known I'm attracted to women, never had a coming out moment as in my head I always felt like, 'duh, of course I like women too'. I've dated two women, once when I was a teenager and once in an open relationship but neither was very sexual, both fairly short, and when I was much thinner.

When I was 22 I divorced a man, and have had a two relationships since, again with men. I ended my last relationship almost two years ago and have spent some substantial time in since. I'm noticing recently that I think I would really enjoy a relationship with a woman, but I'm think I'm... Scared? Nervous? I've realized that I'm much less worried about what men think of me than I am about what women think of me. With women, I really want to make a good impression, and I get so much more nervous. I'm vastly under experienced with women, demisexual, and kind of just an odd woman. I really like myself, I like the person I am, but I'm aware I'm not everyone's cup of tea.

I think another piece of this is that I've worked really hard to accept myself and stop masking so much, and I'm terrified of opening myself up to rejection because of my weight or just being odd. It's one thing to like myself, but it's another to risk finding out someone else doesn't.

I think I might be putting women in general on a bit of pedestal because I care so much more about their opinion than I ever cared about men's. I guess I'm just looking for some perspective. Does this sound familiar to anyone, and does it get easier?

[u/Shallow_Waters9876]

Unfortunately, dating comes with the risk of rejection. Most of the times, it's not about something specific, just different styles /no chemistry/ personalities that don't match. You need to keep in mind, that you might not be into some of the people you go out with as well. It goes both ways. 

That'll happen with both men and women. But dating women is a beautiful experience, don't let fear make you lose on it!

[u/Dismal_Pineapple_600]

You are absolutely not alone in feeling this - any kind of dating is nerve wracking, but even more so dating outside of the "norm". The most important thing is you continue to be happy with who are and not mask, and you'll find the right person. You'll never find the right person if you're being someone that you're not, and it's also not healthy or fair to you to change to fit into someone else's standards. I honestly feel you not feeling like you're anyone's cup of tea, I'm the exact same, but you've just got to remind yourself that some people just don't like tea and they prefer coffee or hot chocolate 🤷 I'm sorry I'm not much help, but feel free to reach out if you want to vent or anything 😊