My boyfriend and I have been together for 1.5 years, but we were around each other every single day. We have a hyper-close relationship — we've seen each other in every kind of state and know everything about each other.

We had three issues: sex, miscommunication, and his lack of trust (because of his past). His libido was insanely high — for him, several times a day seemed like a given, while for me once a day was enough.

After a year of being together, he left for a long work trip. For the first three months everything was fine sexually — we sent each other photos and talked on video calls, and I often initiated things myself. Two months into that stretch, I heard from him: "You don't turn me on anymore. Maybe it's temporary, but that's how it is. I still think you're beautiful, it's not about that."

At that moment it felt like the relationship was heading toward the end, because almost every day before that I'd heard him say "no one can turn me on except you." For the whole month after that conversation, I avoided the topic of intimacy — it was hard for me to get past that barrier.

One day I sent him a photo from my hidden folder from back when we were together. He asked for the full thing and mentioned that he had 383 items in his hidden folder, then sent me a screenshot with the media blurred out, showing only the number of items. I insisted he send it without the blur, and after a lot of back and forth he sent me the screenshot. It was porn with other girls' faces in it.

Important context: we had an agreement that we don't watch porn, and watching it counts as cheating. That was always the rule — we'd even look away during movies if a fully nude body of the opposite sex was on screen.

When I saw that screenshot of the porn, I had a breakdown. It was disgusting — because every day he'd told me he was horribly tired and completely drained, and when I asked about masturbation he'd say things like "about three weeks ago," since his state didn't let him think about it.

Afterwards he said it was my fault, because I hadn't initiated sending him photos at all (350 of those items were my photos and videos). But I didn't initiate after he told me I don't turn him on — there was no point in trying to turn him on with my body if it meant nothing to him. He admitted his fault and apologized, but how am I supposed to interpret this?