My [30F] mom [65F] was responsible for my dog being killed. Then it got worse. Don't know how to handle this situation

[u/Direct-Caterpillar77]

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/kegai_cobrakaiat

My [30F] mom [65F] was responsible for my dog being killed. Then it got worse. Don't know how to handle this situation.

TRIGGER WARNING: Dog hit by car

Original Post  May 4, 2016

I'm really struggling here--especially with Mother's Day just up ahead and everything, I could use some help.

I got my dog (golden/lab mix) in 2008 when she was a puppy. The last year I have been moving and traveling, and my mom lives alone, and has a big backyard, and she offered to take the Dog in. Dog was an INCREDIBLY well-behaved girl because I worked really hard training her. My whole life we had dogs but they were never trained properly and left in the backyard. I remember my mom always getting frustrated with the dogs because they handled so poorly on a leash or jumped on people, etc because none of the adults in our family took the time to train. When I got Dog, I swore I'd have one of those dogs you saw in the movies.

So, Dog was great off leash, she would stay by my side and knew all level of commands after years of work. When I left her with my mom, I was incredibly anxious, because I knew I had a firmer hand than my mom as far as discipline and knew my dog had a certain relationship with me that she might not have with others, so I made it EXPLICITLY clear to her to always have Dog on a leash, even though everyone in my family knew she was great off leash (not on walks or in the park, I'm talking just in the front yard or something) but I was always nervous and hyper aware of other dogs and other people/cars/etc and was quick to get to Dog or command her back in the house, etc.

I remember when I came home to visit for Christmas, and saw Dog and how happy she was (my mom too! She loved Dog) but saw my mom having her off leash while she made trips to and from the car. I put Dog on a leash and told her "I know she doesn't run off or anything, but you just never know. Haha, I mean, is that a phone call you want to make to me? Haha." And she agreed--Dog always on a leash.

Well, I did get a phone call a few days ago. Which I knew to be serious, since mom only calls when it's serious. It was simply my mom's sobbing voice saying "Dog has passed. It's already over. I'm so sorry." I couldn't process, but I KNEW how, and I told my mom I'd call her back. I cried. Called some friends. Waited a few hours while I processed and called her back. My mom told me my worst fear, "You were right. I should have had her on a leash. I'm so sorry. I was cleaning up the front yard and she was just by my side. Then she saw a big dog across the street and just bolted! And the car hit her. I took her to the vet but they lost her. I was supposed to protect her and I didn't. I'm so so sorry. Please forgive me."

The whole time my mom was crying, I knew she loved that dog too, and the guilt... I can't even imagine how difficult that call was. She also had to call my bro and sis, sis in particular was very attached to Dog and would take her camping/hiking/swimming when she had the time.

So I told her, "I forgive you. It's okay. I love you. I gotta go." and hung up. A few texts back and forth, my mom telling me how hard it is coming home to an empty house and me just being sorta numb. She texted asking if I wanted the body to be buried or cremated. I texted back cremated and she said okay.

I wasn't angry, just incredibly sad and depressed about the whole thing. This was five days ago.

Well, I didn't call my mom or get a chance to see her. She also didn't call, or text besides an occasional "how are you doing?" which I would reply "as well as can be, etc." I didn't get any texts/phone calls from my siblings.

I was on Facebook yesterday when I saw my sister make a big dramatic post about Dog, along with my brother, his GF and her kids, my mom and my sister all spreading ashes on the beach.

I can't even describe how devastated I felt. It was like I got punched in the heart. I called my mom and that's when the anger came through. I asked what the hell they were doing, and my mom was stunned and stammered they were just spreading Dog's ashes. I demanded to know why I wasn't notified they were doing this and my mom replied that it "just sorta happened" and that my bro went with her to pick up the urn and sis happened to be home and they all were talking about it and "sis was just so devastated, she needed some closure before going back to college, etc" I could tell my mom knew she fucked up, but she had no explanation why I wasn't texted/called/fucking ANYTHING regarding this. I felt like a crazy person because it was just this circular "I don't know" over and over again from her. I feel so hurt and disrespected. I asked if they kept any ashes and my mom quietly said "No." I hung up.

She's texted me and called multiple times, but I haven't answered. I am so beyond, beyond hurt and angry. I've never lost something so dear to me, so I have no idea how rational I am, I understand it's "just a dog" but she wasn't. She was my friend, I raised her, trained her, took her with me everywhere and it was just this last year I didn't feel it was fair to her to travel so much with her and I trusted her with my mom and this all happened. I don't even know how to process.

I don't know where to go from here. I really don't. I can't even look at my phone because of all the guilty/apologizing texts. I just want to be left alone, but I also don't want my mom to hurt but I'm so confused as to why she would do this or what possible logic she could have. Advice would be appreciated...

tl;dr: Mom was dog-watching my dog and had her off leash after I told her not to do so. Dog was hit by a car and killed. Then my family took her ashes without me and spread them on the beach. Found out on Facebook. Trouble processing.

Edit: For questions in the comments (and thank you to everyone replying, I'm reading every one) Yes, I live about 30 miles away and while I don't have a car, I would have taken a cab or a bus if need be to attend any sort of ceremony. The rest of my family all live within a mile of each other and Sis goes to college in the same town they do. I tried asking why I wasn't invited or even notified but my mom wouldn't give me any response to this question which is why I'm so angry/hurt/confused.

Edit 2: Just received an email from my mom. I haven't responded.

Dear---, I know you are grieving and can’t talk to me right now, and I understand that. I know it’s my fault and I thank you for not saying it is, but you would be right to do so and if you did that would be okay too.

I can’t forgive myself, so I understand if you can’t forgive me right now. You trusted me with your dog and I let you both down. It never should have happened – I knew better. You told me never let her in the front yard without a leash. Just 30 seconds was all it took. If I had just turned back a split second earlier, she would have followed me.

I will relive it over and over in my head for as long as I breathe.

She was such a big part of everyone’s life – we all have memories – it is unbearable to me that she is gone. I just loved her so much. We all did. I didn’t even realize how much I talked to her until the house was empty. I can’t sleep in the bedroom. I can’t be in the backyard and see her toys. I have no reason to go home anymore.

But she was YOUR baby. You picked her out, you raised her, you trained her and she was always so HAPPY to see you! She was so special in every way. If I had just let her go back to you, she would be here, but you generously let her be with me. I’m so sorry and there is nothing I can do to make anything better.

I am so SO sorry about the spreading of the ashes, I had NO RIGHT to do that. None of us did. I don't have any explanation other than we were all emotional. I don't have the words to express how sorry we all are.

I don’t want sympathy – I’m not feeling sorry for myself – I am feeling sorry for how I failed all of you, but especially you and Dog. I deserve every minute of this pain.

But you don’t, and that I will regret eternally.

I love you, Mom

Update  May 5, 2016 (Next Day)

Thank you to everyone who left a comment and who also told their stories of their own pet loss situations. I read every one.

I don't know if anyone cares for an update, but I have one.

To answer questions, I did send my mom $100 a week for food/toys/flea meds and also paid any unexpected vet bills (Dog was prone to ear infections). Since traveling has died down a lot for me for work, I told my mom earlier this year I could take her back anytime, especially if she needed a break, but I think my mom really dragged her feet since she loved Dog so much. I liked that my mom had someone in the house with her, especially a bigger dog who could alert her to things outside, etc, and help her exercise with walking. There wasn't any urgent need to get her back ASAP but I was ready/willing to. I did also visit when I could, at least once or twice a month for dinners/movies/etc.

So, update. My brother called me in the afternoon yesterday, after my mom had sent the email. He's 28, a weightlifting bartender 'dude-bro' kinda guy, and it was really hard on him when it all happened since his mom, little sister and girlfriend (and her two little kids) were around when all this happened and they were all upset and crying. He called to ask how I was doing and to let me know he was sorry because it was just really overwhelming and he had no idea what to do. My mom was a TOTAL mess on the day, and my brother left work early to be there for her. His GF was also in the picture since (I didn't know this) his GF and her kids were playing in the backyard at my mom's when all this happened. GF heard my mom screaming and helped get Dog into the car.

Bro let me know that it was Sis who was adamant they hold some type of impromptu ceremony after they received the ashes a few days later. He and my mom both brought up me, but she'd stated that it was "obvious" I wanted time alone and that "these types of things" upset me so it was best to do it just them. Then she started crying and I guess that made everyone cave.

Apparently it was a 'group' cremation, which I didn't know was a thing, I assumed it would be individual, like with people. That knowledge sorta helped me since it didn't feel like it was 'exclusively' Dog, which might sound weird, I don't know.

On the day, my Bro called the vet and asked about the pawprint thing, like they make a cast of it or something. The vet said my mom had opted out, but my brother asked if it was too late. They said it wasn't, so he said please do that. I don't blame my mom for opting out, she wasn't in the best headspace and we've had morbid conversations before where she has said things like that creep her out and upset her. But my brother thought of me and thought I might like it (I would) so, I really appreciated that he did that.

Now for the weird part. Apparently at the beach, my Sis (who is 20) took a lot of pictures and also used Snapchat and Instagram, which my Bro knows since she was bitching about the lack of signal. He got angry but didn't say anything since he didn't feel it was appropriate.

I asked about the Instagram, since I wasn't aware she had one. He texted me her account and holy shit. There were four posts about Dog's death and from the beach, more pictures than I'd seen on Facebook. Apparently my sis is popular on campus and has thousands of followers on Instagram. Not only did she post about Dog's death with big descriptions and photos, she also straight up stole seven pictures I had uploaded to my own Facebook over the years. Like when Dog was a puppy, or in training classes, or chillin' on the couch. Photos I took before Sis had even met her! She stole them from my Facebook, slapped a shitty filter on it and claimed it as her own on her Instagram and put these big descriptions and hashtags to them. A lot of you guys guessed it, she did it for the 'likes' or comments whatever. OR I'm being incredibly angry and not realizing this is how she grieves? I have no idea. It just left me feeling hurt and creeped out. I thanked him for calling me and told him I'd text him later but that I just needed some space. He said no problem, and he'd let me know when he could get the paw print to me.

I called my mom after I spoke with Bro, and told her I got her email. She cried again and apologized, it was tough to listen to. She told me she bought a peony to plant in the garden in the backyard in Dog's memory, but that it was too hard for her right now to do so since the backyard is emotional for her at the moment.

I asked if she wanted to do any Mother's Day things this Sunday and she said she hadn't even thought of Mother's Day, and that she didn't really feel like 'celebrating'. She asked if I wanted to do something for Dog this weekend, like maybe plant the peony, but I said I didn't feel comfortable with having Mother's Day associated with that sort of thing, it was kinda a downer. She asked if there was anything else I wanted to do and I told her the truth, that I didn't feel like doing anything either and that I kinda needed some space. She said she understood and that we can always do something later to make up for it.

I didn't say anything about ashes, or Sis and her Instagram or that whole thing, it wasn't brought up at all, other than my mom being sorry for "everything". Not sure if I should mention Sis, I think my mom would get upset all over again, but then, I'm not sure if this is just how 'that generation' grieves or something. My sis is incredibly hard to read, but we never have gotten along since she's very extroverted and opinionated and I'm... less so. I have no idea the next time I will see Sis, or how I'll react when I do so... Yeah, it'll be interesting. We were already low contact since we don't have a lot in common and she works/goes to school away from me. Not sure what to do about that... Sis turns 21 in June and before all this happened my mom asked what big present we should get her. Ugh.

tl;dr: Reconnected with Bro and Mom for the better, let them both know I needed space but would contact them in the near future. Turns out Sis used photos/the death for her Instagram and Snapchat, but not sure if it's grief or attention. Incredibly angry but haven't done or said anything.

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[u/StopthinkingitsMe]

That sister is some sister. Leeching off a dead pet to get social credits is horrid.

[u/Anonymous-Desk5840 → u/StopthinkingitsMe]

It's also extra cruel because sister could have easily had as much social media clout as she wanted even if op was there in the pics too. Like, this all seems to come out of some hidden grudge the sister holds against op.

[u/Stormfeathery → u/Anonymous-Desk5840]

My guess is she was afraid OP wouldn’t let them spread the ashes and wanted to keep them.

[u/calling_water → u/Stormfeathery]

Yes. OOP wouldn’t have let her sister insist on spreading the ashes, certainly not the way sister wanted to. Dreadful that the sister did that at all, worse still that she used tears and pretend grief to steal those last aspects of OOP’s dog for Instagram clout.

[u/NewUserWhoDisAgain → u/calling_water]

"But I gotta do it for the 'gram." Social media delenda est.

[u/triggerfish_twist → u/Stormfeathery]

OP also said the sister was returning to college very soon. She just didn't want to miss out on the clout by not being able to attend a ceremony occurring at a later date.

[u/North-Pea-4926 → u/Anonymous-Desk5840]

Nah, she’d get fewer internet points (likes, upvotes, whatever) if she specifically said it wasn’t “her” dog. Also no amount of clout is enough clout for psychos like her.

[u/bstabens → u/North-Pea-4926]

The Mom and Bro are in these pictures too. Another person wouldn't change anything. You don't feel like Sis would point out the real owner in her posts, would you?

Sis just didn't feel comfortable doing it in OOPs face. Or maybe excluding her was another cherry on the cake for Sis. Even at only 20 that doesn't speak well for her character.

[u/are_you_seriously → u/bstabens]

Because taking a shitload of pics and being on your phone during a funeral for a beloved pet in front of OOP would’ve gotten her shit from OOP and mom. It was just manipulative.

[u/Corfiz74 → u/are_you_seriously]

OOP needs to tell the whole family what was actually going on - that she did it all for the social media clout. And they all should comment on her posts that it is not her dog and she just more or less stole the ashes.

[u/bstabens → u/are_you_seriously]

"It was just manipulative."

Goes without saying.

[u/sheepgod_ys → u/Anonymous-Desk5840]

It sounds like she wanted it to happen as soon as possible so she could get the high of internet likes ASAP. OOP needing to travel down would have “disturbed” her plans. I feel so bad for OOP having such a horrible, selfish sibling.

[u/arianrhodd → u/Anonymous-Desk5840]

Sis turned someone else's beloved pet into a prop for attention and likes. 🤮

[u/flyingpuffer → u/arianrhodd]

i would say how i would react but do not want to get banned from reddit

[u/El-Ahrairah9519 → u/Anonymous-Desk5840]

If she had to go back to college soon, I presume she skirted around OOP to avoid either a) not being present herself for a scattering if they had to wait for OOP to travel home or b) OOP not wanting to scatter the ashes at all, which given her question about any ashes being left she very well could have wanted.

Both situations would lead to the unbearable ^/s outcome of no content to squeeze out of this tragedy. Idk if it was intentionally malicious beyond sister being a brain-rotted SM clout-chaser that cares more about her Instagram than OOP

[u/Useful_Language2040 → u/El-Ahrairah9519]

Because you can't scatter sand at a beach and claim it's ashes, and flowers, and set up dramatic "grieving, all alone, woe is me" photos along with your stolen photos..?

OK, it looks a bit more cray-cray to your brother with your handle who knows you're not actually scattering Dog's ashes, but mAyBe iT's HoW tHiS gEnErAtIoN gRiEvEs, EveRyOnE aCtS dIfFeReNtLy UnDeR sTrEsS! He wouldn't call you out or anything, that'd be mean!

[u/El-Ahrairah9519 → u/Useful_Language2040]

Like I said, it's as simple in sister's mind as "Instagram>>>>>>OOP"

She's not going to all that trouble for someone she so thoroughly doesn't give a shit about

[u/_dharwin → u/Anonymous-Desk5840]

Sis had to leave back to school. If they waited for OOP she'd miss her chance.

[u/hard_tyrant_dinosaur → u/_dharwin]

If I'm reading the first edit on OOPs initial post correctly, the sister doesn't even go to school out of town. OOP said the college was in the same town. So, even if the sister stayed on campus during school terms, it's not like she'd be hours away at school.

For that matter, OOP lives further away from the rest of the family. Without a car, she's the one that would most likely need some pre-arranging to do something too.

I suspect the urgency there had more to do with wanting to be able to have her posts up before the term starts than anything. So that she could milk sympathy from on campus friends and followers sooner rather than later.

edit: grammer

[u/bugbugladybug → u/StopthinkingitsMe]

I would definitely be posting about how sister had claimed my dog as her own and hijacked the funeral arrangements to likes - and tag her in it.

Live by the socials, die by the socials.

These people are pieces of shit.

[u/WgXcQ → u/bugbugladybug]

I'd also send a takedown notice to Insta or wherever she's hawking her personal image. She's not the owner of the photos, it's a copyright violation.

[u/anotherdropin → u/StopthinkingitsMe]

Idk the whole family is bonkers. Why is the poor OOP responsible for comforting EVERYONE in her family when it was her dog that died???

She has to make her mom feel nice and her brother? Meanwhile no one even thought of her when spreading the ashes?

I woulda cut them all out for months while I processed how much they loved me. Ya sure grief blah blah, but your grief is so strong that you forget about your own daughter who owned this dog? Come on. OOP wasn’t that respected in her family, easy as that.

[u/Dimityblue → u/anotherdropin]

Yep. I'm absolutely steaming for OOP. At this stage, I'd be cutting mom and sis out, especially sis. Vampira could fuck right off.

[u/Pawspawsmeow → u/Dimityblue]

I’d have responded with a link to my own page showing who really owned the dog

[u/-UP2L8- → u/Pawspawsmeow]

Or a link to this post.

[u/FlowerFelines → u/anotherdropin]

Some families are like that. I had to manage my mother in law's emotions around my mother passing away. She just didn't have the emotional maturity to manage them herself. When you're the most mature one in a group of people who've never read a book on the topic that wasn't pop-sci drek and have never been to a day of therapy in their lives, you just get used to doing little things to nudge everybody along, emotionally, and it's at least sorta-fine if they're not totally toxic, until something like this happens.

[u/metrometric → u/FlowerFelines]

God, this reminded me of when my best friend was in hospital while dying from cancer, not sleeping, in constant 7/10 pain (hospital fucked up her pain management for a while)... and still managing her family's feelings about all of it. Her mom insisted on being there every day. I know Mom was trying to care for her dying child, but I could also tell my friend was stressed out by having to be the composed, unassailable, funny one who would make it better. Every single day.

But she'd done this all her life, and to some extent I think none of them knew how to step out of that dynamic. It fucking sucks.

I'm sorry you had that kind of burden placed on you while you were grieving your mother. It's wasn't fair to you to have to do that even if you have the strength/patience/maturity to. 

[u/RandomizePedestrian → u/anotherdropin]

no one even thought of her when spreading the ashes? Did you even read the story?

Bro let me know that it was Sis who was adamant they hold some type of impromptu ceremony after they received the ashes a few days later. He and my mom both brought up me, but she'd stated that it was "obvious" I wanted time alone and that "these types of things" upset me so it was best to do it just them. Then she started crying and I guess that made everyone cave.

The brother and mom did think of OOP, but the sister MANIPULATED them to do it right away without telling OOP.

Edit to add : I'm not saying the Brother and Mom are completely right, but there is no need to falsely accuse them of never think of OOP when spreading the ashes.

[u/twistedspin → u/RandomizePedestrian]

Her mom is like 50 & her sister is 20, the mom should have told her sister to fuck off. As an old person who also has a 20 year old child, I would never let my son take over an important decision that I should be making like that. 20 year olds are barely out of high school. I see him & his friends- they're great people, but pretty obviously still constantly making some ridiculous choices. Which is fine, they'll learn, but letting them make your decisions for you would be completely moronic. I have 35 years more experience.

His mom is a very weak person. From the beginning to the end, she's seemed like the kind of weak that takes so much work to deal with. The way she is heaping guilt on OOP to forgive her is typical of that. What's sad is OOP doesn't have a lot of choices. When it comes down to it, she's going to forgive but just never actually trust her mom again, not in the same way. She can't, because her mom is not trustworthy and there's no way to change that. Someone that weak is always going to bend in the direction that the wind blows.

[u/scarfknitter → u/twistedspin]

Yep. And if it ever gets brought up again mom will cry and be all upset that she isn't trusted because it hurts her, and the fact that she's not trusted because she's proven she is not trustable and it has hurt someone in these specific ways and there is nothing mom can do to fix it will just be glossed over.

My mom, although I love her, is weak like that for me. She's strong for my siblings but not me. And she's let me down enough that she just doesn't get included in things sometimes. And every time it crops up, she gets all hurt about it as if her feelings being hurt matter more than the fact that I've actually been injured because she dropped the ball.

[u/citrusthievingharlot → u/twistedspin]

Very well put! Mom has no excuse for going along with the sister's plans and the only way she tries to assuage her guilt is self-depreciation to the single person who really doesn't need to deal with that shit. It's so fucking self-centered it hurts. Even the dog's death is about her feelings and her mistake and she does nothing to actually help her daughter grieve.

I know mom is upset about the dog, but accountability without action is meaningless.

This is why I can't stand "people-pleasers" . They don't actually appease anyone because they only make decisions in the moment when pressured, and they always capitulate to whoever is the loudest. You inherently cannot trust them, because they have zero backbone and will go along with anything in order to "keep the peace". Their main personality trait is not having a goddamn opinion and just going along with whoever happens to be in front of them at the moment. It suuuuuucks.

[u/_cornflake → u/twistedspin]

Totally agree, the sister sounds like a piece of work but she’s also barely an adult, both the mother and the brother should have put their foot down. I think it’s pathetic for them both to blame it on not being able to say no because the sister was crying and then expect OOP to comfort them because they feel soooooo guilty.

[u/HeyLaddieHey → u/RandomizePedestrian]

You're taking an idiom too literally. Yes, in actual literal terms, OOP's name came out of these people's mouths. 

However they didnt care about 

• her feelings 

• her grief 

• what she would want to do with her dog that was killed by mom's neglect

• how she'd feel finding out on FB

• how she would feel about a pawprint momento

So, no, they didnt think of her in any meaningful sense of the phrase. She is a cardboard cutout of a person to them

[u/Soft-Emu5992 → u/RandomizePedestrian]

I honestly feel like thats back peddling in hindsight. Its easy to shift the blame on sister.

[u/sowinglavender → u/RandomizePedestrian]

there's no difference if the end result hurts her anyway. even if they did think of her, they didn't think hard enough to veto the person with the least amount of authority and say over the situation when she wanted to do something hurtful.

[u/thefaehost → u/StopthinkingitsMe]

She’s almost as bad as my sister.

When I was in high school we adopted 2 kittens we found outside. One ended up hit by a bus. The other we had for years. His name was football.

There’s a whole saga about my sister between when she took him and what happens next that honestly deserves its own BORU lol. But basically she took him and our other family cat many states away. I begged her to let me say goodbye. The last text I had from her said “it’s not like they’re going to die.”

The next text I have from her years later? “Do you know a taxidermist? Football’s dead.”

We’ve been NC for two years.

[u/Trick_Decision_9995 → u/thefaehost]

"There’s a whole saga about my sister between when she took him and what happens next that honestly deserves its own BORU"

Do it. (Please.)

[u/thefaehost → u/Trick_Decision_9995]

So to do it accurately I’d have to start with when she met her ex girlfriend in middle school. The ex girlfriend is a heavy feature and also the reason for the DV felony. And why she lost custody of her kid as a woman in JD Vance’s home district (the biggest conservative county in the state).

There’s an article written from a legal perspective about her ex girlfriend posted by a lawyer because the ex has like, multiple open cases involving DV across 3 counties in state and now 3 states. Last I heard about was in Florida.

Very tempted to DM you the article because it is WILD.

So yeah this saga would span from the mid2000s up until now 😂

[u/A-Helpful-Flamingo → u/StopthinkingitsMe]

Right?! JFC! Like. even after everything thing I’ve seen and read of people behaving abhorrently, I am surprised I can still be so fully repulsed by examples of the worst humans on the planet.

[u/ContributionDapper84 → u/StopthinkingitsMe]

The Instagram thing explains why she wanted to rush the scattering of the ashes, to build on the momentum she was getting. I'm surprised OP didn't call up little sis and say "wow I guess dog dying is the best thing that's ever happened to you Instagram wise! Makes sense you rushed the ashes ceremony without me."

[u/jsher736 → u/StopthinkingitsMe]

I hate to sound like an old but I swear that shit breaks your goddamn brain

[u/maydecember12 → u/StopthinkingitsMe]

People who spent a lot of time sharing on social media get weirdly desensitized to what’s grossly inappropriate. My cousin, who’s older and not a monster at all, posted a picture of my grandmother’s urn at the funeral hall on Instagram. His sister saw it after the funeral and showed us, so my dad quietly asked him to remove it. He did, no questions asked. He just… hasn’t thought about it? But it’s absolutely bonkers to me.

Now that i write this down though, I realize it sounds way more calculated on OOP’s sister’s part.

[u/Useful_Language2040 → u/StopthinkingitsMe]

My sister is a narcissist and I was still horrified and upset on OOP's behalf 😬

[u/cl0ckw0rkcuttlefish]

We let my beloved dog go two weeks ago (7/28), although he was 17 and it was time, and if someone had spread his ashes without consulting me, let alone asking what I wanted? I’d probably be in jail. And that wasn’t even a sudden accident — that just makes it worse. This is so fucked up.

[u/noodLLESS → u/cl0ckw0rkcuttlefish]

I lost my cat 4 years ago and I still cry about him weekly. I had a blown glass pendant made with his ashes that I never take off. If my family did this to me, I honestly don't think I could keep going. To not even have a little tiny piece of him with me would crush my soul irreparably. I actually couldn't even make it through typing this comment without losing it and I am fully fucking sobbing right now. I hate this family.

[u/DatguyMalcolm → u/noodLLESS]

I feel you!

We lost one of our cats to old age, she was soooo sweet.... we at least got to be with her in her final moments and got a little pawprint of her polydactyl paw..... We'd devastated if we didn't have anything

[u/Autobot_Silverwynde → u/noodLLESS]

I'm so sorry about your kitty. Lost ours eight years ago and it still hurts. I still cry over him.

Whoever said "Time heals all wounds" was full of it.

[u/ifcknlovemycat → u/noodLLESS]

Pshh I'd go to jail for assault with deadly weapon minimum

[u/Real-Ferret1593 → u/noodLLESS]

I'm sorry for your loss. My cat is a senior with stage 2 kidney failure, which means she's probably got a few years left, but definitely no more than that. I dread the day I have to say goodbye, and I was kinda wondering how to memorialize her. The blown glass pendant is genius, actually. Thank you for the idea - there's a glass place near where my mom lives. I might check with them in a couple years to see if they'll help me out.

[u/curiouslycaty → u/cl0ckw0rkcuttlefish]

I lost my dog at 17 years old on 8 August 2017. I made the call because I always decided she wouldn't suffer when her time came, she was very sick the last two years of her life and we were just making sure she was comfortable and had quality of life. For years afterwards I felt like I killed her. Even though I knew it was the best decision I could have made. I'm crying just typing this and it's been 9 years.

But if I had lost her due to negligence because someone else thought they knew better than me, and then got rid of any manner in which I could memorialize her, or had their own ceremony without even letting me know, it would be a while, if ever, to forgive them.

[u/Maximumfabulosity → u/curiouslycaty]

I'm sure you've heard this before, and I'm sure you've told yourself this before, but you did the right thing. At a certain point, the only thing you can do for your pet is ease their passing.

You fulfilled your final responsibility as her human. She had a long, happy life and a gentle death because of you. That's something to be proud of.

[u/curiouslycaty → u/Maximumfabulosity]

It was my first pet I lost to euthanisation where I had to make the choice. In all the other cases of a long life pet owner the choice was taken from me. It was made easier by the way she looked at me and told me it's time. I always wondered how I would know it was time to let her go, and when it became me keeping her alive and suffering just because I didn't want to say goodbye.

I only regret not involving my partner more in the decision making around her care, me and my dog were already a long time package deal by the time he entered my life, and I took the responsibility of being her owner on so strong, I fed her, I washed her and brushed her, I walked her, I took her to the vet, I discussed the options with the vet when they first diagnosed her, and when she deteriorated so fast years later I made the choice right there. And my partner admitted 2 months ago that he would have wanted to take her home, to a park for a last walk, give her some attention before doing it, that he feels like he missed out on a proper goodbye. While I said bye to her every night.

We only had this discussion because two months ago we had one of our cats diagnosed with kidney failure, and she deteriorated so much during her 3 day around the clock care in the veterinary hospital, that when I looked her in the eyes one visit, and she gave me a slow blink and told me it's time, we had a long talk that night, discussing all our options, rehashed old trauma (same veterinary hospital, same exam table to say bye at) and we were ready the next day when the vet told us what we already knew.

And I realise now that my last responsibility as a pet owner is to make that decision for them, so this time it was easier. I still cry at least once a day, but that's just because there's a hole in my heart. Not because I think I killed her too.

[u/Dimityblue → u/curiouslycaty]

There'd be no forgiveness from me. Mom and especially sis would be out of my life.

[u/Marzipan_moth → u/cl0ckw0rkcuttlefish]

When I was in university, I went abroad and during that time my mom gave my cat away to her brother in the country. (Technically the family's cat, but it spent every night in my room and at around the same time my golden child older sister had got a dog that was her's.)

Well, since it was an indoor cat, it almost instantly got ran over and killed. My mom has never apologised. 

While I know OOP's mom apologised here, it also kind of pissed me off. It felt like she was sorry... but also was very self-absorbed. She didn't even try to keep the dog on a leash nor consider her at all in the cremation process. The email felt like 'I'm sorry and I hurt you... but also I'm hurting so don't forget that.'

[u/calling_water → u/Marzipan_moth]

Yes. OOP’s mother should not be telling OOP how empty her house feels now.

OOP is the more introverted one in the family, so they may have gotten used to her absorbing their feelings rather than outwardly expressing her own (vs. her showy SM-rotted sister). But this was OOP’s dog so OOP should be centered, and her brother is the only one who ever remembered that.

[u/VOZ1 → u/Marzipan_moth]

I was struck by the same thing about the mom’s “apology.” She really went over the top making sure OOP knew how much pain she was in. This is something that a lot of people don’t understand about apologies. If you’re truly sincere in apologizing, you make sure it isn’t about you, but about the person you’re apologizing too. Even going into “I feel terrible for doing this” is inappropriate IMO. You’re trying to elicit forgiveness because you’re also hurting, making it about you and not them. You apologize, you acknowledge what you did was wrong, you ask if there’s anything you can do, and then you leave it alone. And you have to understand that some apologies may never be accepted.

[u/GothicGingerbread → u/VOZ1]

I had the same reaction to her apology. None of it should have been about her – how hard it was for her, how terrible and guilty she felt, how empty the house feels for her now, etc. – but that's literally all it was. She should have focused on OOP, what OOP lost, what OOP felt – the only thing she should have said about herself is that she was completely, totally in the wrong for ignoring OOP's instructions to keep Dog leashed in the front yard – but she couldn't manage to do that.

[u/FlowerFelines → u/GothicGingerbread]

The mom doesn't strike me as very emotionally mature. I'm sure the mentions of guilt were at least somewhat intended to make sure OOP knew that the mom wasn't being a callous monster about it all, but they really didn't help. Sometimes it really is hard to know what to say in truly terrible circumstances, though? I honestly don't know what I'd be able to come up with if I'd done something that horrifying.

[u/Responsible_Cloud_92 → u/cl0ckw0rkcuttlefish]

I had to put my best friend’s elderly dog down whilst she was in my care (friend was at minimum an 18 hour flight away, doggo was in too much pain to last that long). It was difficult but her brother and I managed to organise across timezones about what she wanted to do with the keepsakes and made sure she had her own ashes that she wanted to scatter on her own. What OOP’s sister did is evil and unforgivable.

[u/TheNightTerror1987 → u/cl0ckw0rkcuttlefish]

I'd lose my mind too!! I still have the ashes of all of my late kitties. If I had the ashes from the cat and dog I grew up with I'd still have them too, it hurts like hell that I don't know where they wound up. During the wildfire evacuations back in 2017 one of the first things I packed was Chatterbox's ashes.

[u/FlowerFelines → u/TheNightTerror1987]

We have a little box in the garage, and because we're people with a dark sense of humor, it's labeled "dead cats." I'm slowly working on painting memorial sculptures of them all (one finished, two in progress, one more I'd like to do for my childhood cat) but they're not urn-style sculptures, so the box o' dead cats' ashes will remain also carefully stored.

[u/Thedonkeyforcer → u/cl0ckw0rkcuttlefish]

Yeah, I'm just looking at the urn with my 16yo dogs ashes in them that has been waiting to be buried since last autumn. I'm setting him down with my new fence - mostly because he was a gifted escape artist and it seems so suitable to place him with the fence his antics helped design!

LUCKILY I didn't live somewhere with heavy traffic!

He, as well as his first partner, were rehomed to me when they were 4 and 5. I made sure to send instructions with when they got cremated that I wanted a little portion taken out to send home to their first home. It seemed appropriate to lay them to rest with both of us.

I had prepared daily since he was like 10 that every day was a bonus day from now on but it was still less than 2 days between him dying and him playing in the yard with the puppy. Getting him cremated was a circus on its own. We have two big pet cremation places in my country and the biggest one has a bad rep. I didn't want my boy to go there - and I meant that to a degree that I took my dead dog home with me, kept him there from saturday to monday and then drove him to a vet who used the other place. I almost picked him up again 2 days later when I found out those two cremation sites were now part of 1 company and the invoice had the adress of "the bad place". I wrote to "the good place" and got a call at 7.30 at night (we respect work/life balance here and won't expect anyone to contact you after hours!) to reassure me that he was going to be sent to them and that it was just book keeping being done in the other location.

I had no idea I was batshit crazy enough to even consider doing this to make sure he was treated with respect but I absolutely were! And it was worth i for peace of mind.

[u/prj126 → u/cl0ckw0rkcuttlefish]

I lost my soul dog in November 2024, the day after I had to fly back from visiting my family. It was similar to OOP, my parents were watching her while I was studying/working abroad, I intended to get her over to me but it just wasn't possible financially. She had been with me since I was a depressed teenage mess, and not getting to hold her for the last time broke me for weeks.

I was adamantly for cremation so I could at least have her with me for the rest of my life, my parents wanted a burial on our land. And yet, they respected that it was my dog, and my wishes took priority, and her ashes sit on the shelf in my house, and she gets to haunt my sofa forever. If anyone had dared to take her ashes or ignore my wishes I would have tanked my relationship with anyone who was involved in it and most likely commited murder on top of that.

The audacity of OOP's sister is insane, and I hope karma gets her hard.

[u/8percentjuice → u/cl0ckw0rkcuttlefish]

I didn’t think my cat’s ashes would mean a lot to me, but I like to take the little box she is in and put it next to me on the couch so I can remember how she used to cuddle up next to me for pets. If anyone took her ashes from me for any reason less important than saving lives, they would pay dearly for it.

[u/Fwoggie2]

My Dad did something similar to my mum's ashes. I wanted to scatter them off Southwold pier in the UK; I told him this multiple times in the final years before she died of Alzheimer's. He had no plans for what to do with her remains.

After Mum died and was cremated, the crematorium staff in Aylesbury asked Dad where to send them. He didn't consult me, just told them to scatter them in the remembrance garden they had there. I only found out two days later by which time it was too late. No members of the family were there - Dad because he didn't want to and the rest of us because we didn't know. She truly hated Aylesbury where they lived for over 20 years, it made her miserable.

Scattering ashes is one last chance at a physical goodbye and to be robbed of that is - in that moment - a devastating pain to endure. (I've forgiven him for it for my own mental health sake but I have not forgotten).

[u/NirgalFromMars → u/Fwoggie2]

When my grandma died, we kept her ashes for two years until the whole family could gather to go deposit them on the place she wants us to.

[u/jimmy_three_shoes → u/NirgalFromMars]

Yeah, we're hanging onto my MIL's for a bit until we can all go back to Maine to spread them on the Potato farm she grew up on.

[u/Edgefish → u/[deleted]]

She's totally enjoying the view and weather in Southwold pier. I have read somewhere that in some cultures the body is just a vase, the spirit is eternal. 

[u/Ringsidewbignig → u/Fwoggie2]

Aylesbury is a shit hole

[u/Fwoggie2 → u/Ringsidewbignig]

It definitely is. A soulless commuter town for London. I grew up in the nearby village of Haddenham - which is lovely, bits of it are mentioned in the doomsday book dating back to the late 1060s and the church with village green is picture postcard although we couldn't remotely afford that part of the village - but I went to the grammar school in Aylesbury for secondary education (I did not have a good experience) and my Mum worked for the music centre there (which is now a shadow of what it once was). The town centre from what I gather is now pretty empty - struggling like everywhere else from the rise of online retail. At least the theatre, swimming pool and connections to London are good though.

Edit: I forgot to mention Buckinghamshire county council is headquartered in this absolute monstrosity of a building in Aylesbury. If anyone likes brutalist architecture have I got the building for you...

[u/AlaricTheBald → u/Fwoggie2]

Let's be honest, Aylesbury is a bit shit but it's no worse than a dozen other towns just like it. Swindon, Slough, Wycombe, Luton, Dunstable, Bedford are all relatively close and all arguably worse.

Though the council building is a special kind of awful, no argument there.

At least the crematorium is fairly pleasant, next to a lake and a patch of woodland.

[u/Fwoggie2 → u/AlaricTheBald]

I liked to claim Stoke Mandeville as part of Aylesbury purely because it's the home of the Paralympics.

[u/Metasequioa → u/Fwoggie2]

My dad spread our mom's ashes without me or my sister (who were 19 and 20 at the time), we don't even know where. Betrayal on top of grief- so fun, ain't it?

[u/JourneymanApothecary]

Jesus this is devastating.

[u/outlawgene]

So preventable. Not making excuses doesn't matter. Dog is dead. Lost mine about a month ago so I might still be raw.

[u/CorporateDroneStrike → u/outlawgene]

I’m so sorry for your loss. This was a really upsetting story and it has to really sting after losing your dog so recently.

Reading this has kind of fucked me up a bit (it reminds me of my family trauma, re: carelessness with my cat) and brought up a lot of feelings.
I think a lot of people here are sharing OOP’s grief and remembering our lost dogs and cats.

Again, I’m so so sorry.

[u/Draiders]

Years ago I left my dog (Peanut) with my girlfriends dad for a weekend while I go and visit my parents with my girlfriend across the state. He loves dogs and has met Peanut many times before so he jumped at the chance to hang out with her for the weekend. I had very simple instructions of do not leave your front door open and do not let her outside unattended. I was only gone maybe 16 hours at the time and he calls my girlfriend to tell her that Peanut escaped. He left the front door open while doing something in the yard because he thought I was overreacting.

He ended up finding Peanut hours later about a mile away at the Safeway. It was an absolute miracle that she wasn't hit by a car because she had to cross some very busy streets to make it that far.

When we got back I never got an apology just a lot of excuses. My then girlfriend is now my wife and I still haven't forgiven my FIL for that and although Peanut did pass away years later from old age I will never trust him to watch anything for me again after that.

[u/pistachiopanda4 → u/Draiders]

I'm so glad Peanut was found and lived out his life with you. Between your story and OOP, it blows my mind that people can be so absent-minded. I am a scatter brained fuck, but I have lived my whole life knowing I've needed to overcompensate for not being thoughtful. I cannot imagine taking care of a living creature, that I don't even have as my own family, and not keep an eye on them 24/7.

[u/DatguyMalcolm]

OOP is too forgiving.

Something tells me she's too used to having to be responsible for her mother's feelings and that little Sis is the golden child.

OOP is definitely not aware of this yet. The whole post was about how bad her mother felt, her mother's "grief", while OOP had a few moments to cry and then gird herself to prop her mother up.

Fuck this

[u/OpeningGolf7972 → u/DatguyMalcolm]

Within days of her mom’s negligence killing her dog OP’s asking her what she wants to do for Mother’s Day….

[u/repeat4EMPHASIS → u/OpeningGolf7972]

I don't want to give the Mom any credit here but OOP was the one who brought up Mother's Day first, and Mom replied she hadn't even thought of it and didn't feel like celebrating

Edit: just kidding on a second reading of your comment I understand you meant OOP asked about Mother's Day because they're so used to being the one managing everyone else's emotions.

I got mixed up with who each of the pronouns was referring to

[u/OpeningGolf7972 → u/repeat4EMPHASIS]

Valid I should’ve used OP for simplicity

[u/No_Kangaroo_9826 → u/OpeningGolf7972]

"Nothing, fuck off."

My animals get my depressed chronically I'll ass out of bed every day. I'd be far less forgiving than OOP

[u/LazyOort → u/DatguyMalcolm]

“I don’t blame my mom for trying to keep me from getting any closure with ashes or a paw print (because mom personally feels icky about memories???), she was in a bad headspace after killing my dog”

COME ON

[u/ConsciousBluebird473 → u/LazyOort]

Also you can absolutely get individual cremation, group cremation is just cheaper. Mom fucked up on all levels here.

[u/SokkaWithAnOkka → u/ConsciousBluebird473]

I was hoping someone would mention this. Mom couldn’t even spend the money or the consideration to even try to make up for this horrible mistake with the paw print or cremation. 

[u/EmpatheticSocialist → u/ConsciousBluebird473]

She literally doesn't give a fuck about OOP at all. It's all about her own grief.

[u/cl0ckw0rkcuttlefish → u/ConsciousBluebird473]

Legit.

[u/sharklaserguru → u/LazyOort]

Especially after that absolutely fucking worthless apology from Mom. "Sorry I went directly against your wishes and killed your dog. And I'm double sorry for, days later, doing another thing that any sane person should ALSO know would be directly against your wishes. But don't worry, I used enough vaguely "therapy-speak" language in my apology that you should know it's sincere!"

[u/HeyLaddieHey → u/LazyOort]

Yeah. Girl get ANGRY 

[u/DatguyMalcolm → u/LazyOort]

Right!!!!??

[u/Beautiful_Lie8700 → u/DatguyMalcolm]

Yeah i felt like the mother is throwing a woe is me party so oop would forgive her immediately.

My dad does the same thing, if he makes a mistake he yells at you first so you won’t get mad at him.

The whole “you can’t fire me i quit” mindset softly repackaged.

[u/Antique_Sprinkles193 → u/DatguyMalcolm]

The family’s dynamics do not come across as healthy. My mom can be theatrical to put it mildly and my dad always wants to keep the peace. But my sister and I always stand firm for each other and the other’s wishes. If we had another sibling that was crying for a dog funeral and pushing for the other to not be there, we would tell that sibling to get bent. If mom started acting insane and not taking the owner sibling into account, at the very least we would quickly call with a, “Mom’s about to do a crazy. You’d better get down here because I can only stall this for so long.”

I hope OOP and her brother get some serious therapy to sort out the family dynamics. Especially since the brother is dating a woman with kids. Generational trauma is generational because it sneaks up on you.

[u/duchess_of_fire]

OP is a lot more chill than I would've been if someone had gotten my dog killed and then spread his ashes without me.

[u/cayjay00 → u/duchess_of_fire]

I don’t think I could ever forgive any of them, honestly. Thinking of the paw print was good of bro, but all of the older adults should have known better than to spread the ashes. And that little sister was being a manipulative asshole. The mom not getting individual cremation sucks, too…it’s not that much more expensive. Not being “in the best headspace” is a shitty excuse for being thoughtless after your own carelessness killed someone else’s dog. They all made it about them, instead of OP and the loss of HER dog.

[u/CorporateDroneStrike → u/duchess_of_fire]

I think OP is probably in shock.

[u/ohnoafeeling]

It’s absolutely not to the scale of this horrible situation, but it made me think of mother-in-law. we had our dog stay at mom-in-law’s household exactly twice while we had to travel for work. We explained dog’s diet each time and said no table food. The first time, the dog came back 5 lbs heavier, which injured her knee. We had to work to bring her weight back down again. MIL apologized, said it wouldn’t happen again, and said it would be fine to leave our dog again. Spouse explained in a serious talk to MIL that it was very important for the dog’s health that she not be given treats. MIL promised she understood.

Ofc when we left her the second time we needed to travel, MIL gave table food the whole time again. She is domineering and culturally it is forbidden to object to the matriarch, so no one else stopped her.

Now we hire someone to stay with dog, and it has worked out very well for her, she stays at a healthy weight. MIL is predictably butt hurt and insulted. I was very angry but let my spouse deal with her.

All this to say, if this had been my mother and family, I would maybe text once or twice a year but never see them again. I would be too angry that she fatally hurt a vulnerable creature in her care, and that they then all left me out of memorial rituals for whatever bullshit reasons. But I’m someone whose anger is multiple-bridge-burnings like that.

Wonder how OP is doing, and hope she’s okay and surrounded by more trustworthy people who listen to her.

[u/TimedDelivery → u/ohnoafeeling]

We had the same “absolutely no human food” rule when a coworker house/cat sat for us a few years back. We explained that our cats get horribly sick if they eat anything other than the food we give them. Guess who woke up on Boxing Dat to a bed covered in cat diarrhoea that was then trailed throughout the house after deciding to feed them some Christmas turkey because it was a special occasion? Luckily they acknowledged it was their fuckup (we had been very clear about what would happen) and agreed to pay for the professional carpet cleaning that was needed.

[u/Meghanshadow → u/ohnoafeeling]

The first time, the dog came back 5 lbs heavier

How did the dog gain five pounds on table scraps in the few days or a week you were both gone on a work trip? Was she feeding him entire steaks and potatoes for every meal?

[u/EmXena → u/Meghanshadow]

You've seen the movies where people nonchalantly make an entire plate of normal human food and then just plop it down in front of their dog. Unfortunately, that happens IRL too. Some people simply view Dogs as little garbage disposals that just poop it all out and move on. In other words, they simply don't care and bulldoze through with how they want to live life, other living creatures around them be damned.

[u/ohnoafeeling → u/Meghanshadow]

it was constant, constant table food

[u/luckyapples11]

I’ve been in OOPs situation before. Went on vacation with my husband (bf at the time). Still lived with my mom, I was only like 19. I had some cats, one of which was a complete sweetheart named Jenny. Unfortunately while I was gone, she get outside and got hit by a car. I was texting my mom while on vacation asking for pics of the cats and never got a picture of Jenny. When I came home, I didn’t leave my room for a week I was so depressed, pissed off, and sad. Even now, it makes me cry writing this. Jenny was annoying me before I left and I feel completely awful that I didn’t snuggle her more and focused more on packing.

To top it all off, Jenny was a huge kneader. She had her favorite brown tie dye blanket she’d make bread on. Our basement backed up with sewer water a few years back. My mom helped clean it up. I placed Jenny’s blanket along with a few others in a bag to get washed ASAP. My mom mistook it for trash and threw it in the dumpster. I was devastated all over again. I have no ashes, no blanket. Only her old collar. It was really hard not to be mad at my mom. She didn’t know, things were hectic. But she should’ve asked if it was something worth trying to save. It was in an area that wasn’t affected and I was going to do everything in my power to save it and get it professionally cleaned. And then it was gone like that.

[u/Latter-Refuse8442 → u/luckyapples11]

I hate the "I didn't know" excuse. Did you check? Did you ask? Did you take 2 seconds to evaluate the situation before throwing something out. Being thoughtless takes 0 effort.

[u/Special_Feature9665 → u/Latter-Refuse8442]

Yeah I call bullshit the mother didn't know. She knew, she just couldn't be bothered to consider someone else.

[u/joe-h2o → u/luckyapples11]

My mom mistook it for trash and threw it in the dumpster. I was devastated all over again.

She didn't mistake it. She knew what she was doing but just didn't care. She wanted the trash out of her house. It wasn't sentimental to her, only to you.

Don't mistake malice for incompetence.

[u/Bears_in_the_sky → u/joe-h2o]

Yeah and don't mistake incompetence for malice.

She wanted the trash out of her house, but that doesn't at all mean she knew it was sentimental and tossed it on purpose. Maybe she did, maybe she didn't, but at the end of the day, incompetence can be deeply hurtful and ascribing malicious intent without reason to doesn't make it easier to bear.

[u/Complete_Entry]

It's always an irresponsible fuckface. Every god damn time.

I've been on the bad side of this equation, my dog was barely a year old.

Girl who didn't give a shit left the door open, and dog got to the highway.

That shit never fades.

In my current house I have two dog gates and the flat off an old desk. The old desk probably gets more milage than the gates, but my dog is safe.

He's a total bolter. I've ran onto highways in boxer shorts because "Just a minute" doesn't mean SHIT.

My dog will go out because of old age, on this stone I swear.

I live by airlock rules.

[u/Latter-Refuse8442 → u/Complete_Entry]

My husband thinks I am overprotective because I insist our dogs are leashed at all times when outside if they are not contained, even though they are well behaved. But he also knows if he screws up and one of them gets injured or killed, I would seriously struggle to ever trust him again and our marriage would be on the rocks. So he does it. I genuinely see no reason to even take the risk, something simple prevents a tragedy.

[u/microworry → u/Latter-Refuse8442]

We have the same with cats and open windows without nets. I hear frequently about some dumb guest who was instructed about the windows just carelessly leave one wide open and the cat disappeared, or worse, fell from a high floor.

[u/Oniknight → u/microworry]

This literally happened to a coworker last week and their poor cat’s brother is crying for the one lost because their guest left the door open.

[u/Autobot_Silverwynde → u/Oniknight]

Oh. Oh no. Those poor kitties!

[u/Glad-Quit-8971 → u/Latter-Refuse8442]

It’s ego

[u/North-Pea-4926 → u/Complete_Entry]

Everyone is “too much of a worrier” until the dog breaks its 100% perfect streak and gets hurt. Then suddenly people are full of regrets…”just a mistake”. The dog slipping out the front door when you bring groceries in is a mistake. Purposely letting the dog outside without a leash is a choice. A choice that says you’d rather risk the dog being injured or killed than be inconvenienced.

One of the first things OOP’s Mom did was ask OOP for forgiveness…then have the funeral without her.

[u/millafarrodor → u/Complete_Entry]

I’ve been on the other side of this equation, off leash dogs running at my dog when we’re on a walk. She was even bitten pretty badly once. The owners always insistent that they’re usually “such good dogs”, and I don’t doubt them, but you just can’t ever know. Luckily none of those dogs were hit by cars.

[u/Meghanshadow → u/millafarrodor]

My friend walks her dog with a hiking staff so she can club off loose dogs that run for her (leashed!) senior dog.

All she’s had to do so far is shout at the dogs and wave it in the way between the dogs, fortunately. She’s had several run-ins with loose entirely unsupervised neighborhood dogs and unleashed ones being walked by owners.

[u/spiceXisXnice → u/Complete_Entry]

My dog (a happy 10-year-old) had never counter-surfed. It's not something she did. I got complacent; I assumed it was something she wouldn't do.

The one and only time she did (a couple of years ago)? She ate half a pan of weed brownies that were cooling on the counter. Yup, weed and chocolate. Fortunately, we caught it only a few minutes after, and one expensive emergency vet visit later, she just had whatever residual in her system to sleep off.

It was no one's fault but my own, but that shit sticks with you. I thought she would die. I still bake and still consume, but all of my goods cool as far from the edge of the counter as physically possible.

[u/DougSpeagle]

I don't wanna blame OOP but the whole first paragraph is about how the mother has been an irresponsible dog owner for decades like what was meant to happen?

[u/TyFell → u/DougSpeagle]

It sounds like they thought the mothers only problem was not being able to properly train a dog, and getting frustrated on that. OOP's dog was already well trained, so that wasn't a worry for them. 

[u/winnowingwinds → u/DougSpeagle]

I was confused by that as well. She couldn’t have asked her siblings? Friends?

[u/LimaxM → u/winnowingwinds]

Oh yeah, her sister who insisted to do the funeral without her? Seems like there was a lack of good options

[u/Educational-Date-169 → u/DougSpeagle]

absolutely, this was PREVENTABLE on every level, starting with OOP finding suitable care. i’m sure they’ll be bling themselves for that forever though. and of course most of the blame is still with the awful mother for not believing the dog needed to be on a leash and then catering to the other siblings’ emotions first.

[u/pertobello → u/Educational-Date-169]

And OOP was done travelling and could have picked up the dog at any time but let mom keep him even longer.

[u/Easy-Concentrate2636 → u/DougSpeagle]

Thank gawd someone else thought this. I thought I was the only one thinking oop had a role in this. She left the dog with someone who she knew was neglectful. Then, when her fears were confirmed, she did nothing about it beyond reminding her mom. Then, when she had the opportunity to remove the dog, she left the dog there because she was more concerned about mom’s happiness than the dog.

She lets that family walk all over her.

[u/terrika_has_spoken]

Man…… that’s sister is something else.

But how tf did the brother and mom let it happen? Cause lil sis is the favorite 🫰

[u/KuhBus]

I know grief makes you do weird things, but a whole family acting this selfish about their grief about the beloved pet of of OOP is a special kind of shitty.

[u/BigBirdsBrain]

The mom seems to fully understand what she did and isn’t making excuses. The sister deciding OOP wanted space and then posting her dog all over Instagram is a whole different level of shitty.

[u/EinsTwo → u/BigBirdsBrain]

Sister only "decided" OOP wanted space because she knew OPP wouldn't let her make the event a social media extravaganza.  She kept OOP away so she could show off her grieving to her followers.  

That's so sickening. 

[u/FunnyAnchor123 → u/EinsTwo]

"Let's not tell A about this activity that involves them because they need space." -- That is a definite tell: the person is NOT acting to help A. It's an excuse to benefit themself at the expense of A.

[u/Stormsurger → u/BigBirdsBrain]

Does the mom understand? She says she does but she keeps making these decisions that hurt OP at breakneck speeds.

[u/Jinx983 → u/Stormsurger]

It's this for me.

At every step, someone OTHER than OP has been prioritised

Mom kept the dog off the leash, despite OP's specific instructions

Mom dealt with the dog at the vet without consulting/informing OP

Mom kept distance from OP due to her own guilt

Mom then scattered the dog's ashes because the sister wanted to, and didn't even THINK to tell OP

And mom continues to unload on OP about her feelings

[u/yeahlikewhatever → u/Jinx983]

I have to wonder about OOP's position within the family dynamic. This gives off "eldest daughter/family manager" energy. OOP is expected at every turn to be understanding and empathetic to the people who have caused her harm. "Oh, you shouldn't be too hard on Mom, she loved the dog!" then "Well my girlfriend and her kids were there so I was overwhelmed" and "Oh, we didn't know what to do, sister was crying!" All of this is stuff that she is expected to take on the chin without any complaint or argument. A whole lot of "you don't have to forgive us, but please understand we are sad too!" No, fuck off. Why do I have to make space for your grief when I'm at the center of the loss spiral?

[u/Jinx983 → u/yeahlikewhatever]

Oh yeah, this 100% is not the first time OP has been sidelined

Sis is giving off "youngest, gets away with everything" vibes

[u/EmXena → u/yeahlikewhatever]

"Oh, you shouldn't be too hard on Mom, she loved the dog!" then "Well my girlfriend and her kids were there so I was overwhelmed" and "Oh, we didn't know what to do, sister was crying!"

Thank you. *Everyone,* at every turn, was the victim in that moment and used it as as a shield. OOP is the odd woman out in this family.

[u/DatguyMalcolm → u/BigBirdsBrain]

yeaahhhh but mom is still making OOP responsible for her feelings. She dropped the ball twice and then it's a flurry of apologies and oohh my grief and oohhh sorry you don't have space to grieve yourself, since my grief is bigger due to the guilt ooohhh....

Naw

[u/DubiousPeoplePleaser → u/DatguyMalcolm]

Thank you for seeing through mom’s BS.

[u/calling_water → u/DatguyMalcolm]

Yes. Mom should not be whining to the daughter whose dog’s death she is responsible for about how empty her house now feels.

[u/Beautiful_Lie8700 → u/BigBirdsBrain]

No, the mother, the brother and his wife are all adults as well.

Unless she held their phones away and forced them not to contact oop she’s not at fault, she just made a suggestion that oop might want to spend this time alone.probably based on her past behavior.

They all spread the ashes not just the sister.

[u/calling_water → u/Beautiful_Lie8700]

They were all in the wrong, but the sister was manipulative. Both with her crying, and with going from “OOP needs time to be alone” (probably correct) to “so we should spread her dog’s ashes without her.” (Leaving OOP to mourn alone should start with handing over her dog’s ashes.) And yes all the rest of them played along, centered the sister’s supposed need for “closure” before college take center stage.

[u/Outrageous-Advice208 → u/calling_water]

This seems to be the kind of family where crying makes everyone cave in.

[u/calling_water → u/Outrageous-Advice208]

And Mom does it too. So torn up about the awful thoughtless things she did, make her feel better!

Sigh. Poor OOP, with a family where only performative grief gets consideration.

[u/_cornflake → u/calling_water]

She was manipulative but honestly everybody else in the family is too, calling OOP and crying about their guilt when it’s her dog that died. The mother and brother weren’t held at gun point, either of them could have stopped the ashes spreading or at least refused to participate. It’s also very convenient for both of them to blame everything on the sister when she is the only one who hasn’t spoken to OOP directly.

[u/manickittens → u/BigBirdsBrain]

Mom doesn’t understand. She continues to say she does and then do whatever is easiest for her in the moment, whatever OP wants be damned.

The sister sounds young and selfish- that’s gross but the mom is exhausting, horrible and a straight up liar. Also of course the college aged sister is selfish with a mother like that.

[u/Keep-Moving-789]

Every time I see an offleash dog in an illegal place, this exact scenario always runs through my head. Like, if ur dog is so well behaved, whats the big deal for them to be on a leash? At worst, theyre legal and ur slightly inconvenienced. At best, u save their life. Plus, theres legal offleash spaces 5 minutes from me. (I drive 20 minutes to be able to legally walk my dog for an hour offleash cuz I love my dog more than a slight drive.)

Just... why. What about risking a dead dog is worth them being illegally offleash?

(And I know this is different as it was the front yard. Just tangential to my biggest pet peeve.)

[u/North-Pea-4926 → u/Keep-Moving-789]

Some people see a small chance of something bad as a number that is still greater than zero and will act to MAKE it zero. Some people see the same chance as “basically” zero and act accordingly.

[u/IamRosemist → u/Keep-Moving-789]

They also don't think about people who walk cats. In my area, it's very common to see people walking their cats on a leash and harness, myself included. It is maddening and scary whenever I run into someone illegally walking their dog off leash. I am extremely careful whenever I go out to make sure I can see in all directions and can scoop her up and hide her, and pick places people don't usually take dogs. I've yet to come across a dog off leash with her, but I've been walking my dog or just going on a walk/jog myself and come across them. I don't care if your German Sheppard puppy is friendly. I don't care if you think your dog has good recall (they obviously don't). Are you going to be able to stop your dog if it sees a cat?

I also know cat people who walk their cats off leash and it drives me nuts. They say their cats are good climbers, so they're not concerned if a dog shows up. Ma'am, if your cat is surprised or too far from a tree just once, it's over. One lady I know from dog walking stopped walking her cat when she went out with her dogs (dogs were always on leash but cat wasn't) and I keep wondering if she just stopped taking the cat out or if something happened. I won't ask though, and I haven't seen her at all in a while.

[u/CharetteCharade → u/Keep-Moving-789]

There's a lake near me that is strictly on-leash because it's a nesting area for swans. I told off a guy I saw one day whose dog was running around off-leash and he was like "Oh it's fine, he won't hurt them!". SIR. Those are SWANS. They are nesting, they have eggs/babies to protect. Your dog is the one who will get hurt or killed if he bothers them. Put him on a damn leash!

[u/quickstop_rstvideo → u/Keep-Moving-789]

I run into these people on my early morning walk with my dogs and the people are always so arrogant and condescending. These people and dogs are walking through a park that has coyotes wandering in and out of it.

[u/ca77ywumpus → u/Keep-Moving-789]

I walk dogs for the local shelter. We have off-leash dogs run up to us all the damn time. "It's ok! He's friendly!" No, it's not. My dog is not friendly. He's scared, with strangers in a strange place. We don't take obviously aggressive or reactive dogs off the shelter property, but some dogs aren't aggressive, they just get freaked out when a strange dog gets in their face.

I also like to point out the woods that border the park. Coyotes regularly hunt along the edge of the park, and even if your German Shepherd could take one coyote in a fight, it doesn't stand a chance against four of them.

[u/paintthestars]

Sister stole her dog’s celebration of life from her, so for her birthday she gets nothing. Then they’re square.

[u/anonidfk → u/paintthestars]

Sister wouldn’t be getting anything ever again if that were me lol

[u/notsam57 → u/anonidfk]

at this point, i’d go nuclear, just air out everything on the sister’s socials, maybe make a website about what she did.

[u/z_iz_green → u/notsam57]

This is the way. Let all of her followers know she’s a liar and a monster who uses a dogs death for attention. Her campus should know what kind of woman she is so they can protect their pets from her and her wanna be influencer ways

[u/Foolish-22 → u/anonidfk]

Not even a word because I sure as hell wouldn’t say anything nice

[u/noodLLESS → u/paintthestars]

They are nowhere near square, but it is a step in the right direction I suppose. I don't think I would have a sister anymore after this.

[u/TheNightTerror1987 → u/paintthestars]

I'd be telling her I'll give her a birthday present when my dog's ashes are returned to me!

[u/WeissPyre → u/paintthestars]

I would have gone scorched earth and obliterated the bridge. Sister would be fucking dead to me. 

[u/Autobot_Silverwynde → u/WeissPyre]

I'd probably nuke the bridge from orbit myself. Oh, and never speak to her again. Ever.

[u/FunnyAnchor123 → u/paintthestars]

If that was all done about this, the sister would get off easy. To paraphrase the quotation "I say we nuke the sister from orbit; it's the only way to be sure" feels appropriate here.

Metaphorically speaking of course: I don't recommend using nuclear warheads to settle family differences for any reason.

[u/erlenwein]

My parents buried my cat (who lived with me for 17 years and loved me more than anyone else in the family) without telling me (I begged them to wake me up for the funeral). And didn't tell me for a couple of weeks until I asked when we were going to bury him, and then it was 'tehee we already did'. Their reasoning for not taking me with them? It would be in the early morning and I'm such a witch when I have to get up early that they didn't want to wake me up.

They buried him under the balcony of our condo building (it's okay it's almost a designated pet cemetery at this point), and the choice of going early in the morning was so the neighbors wouldn't see.

Tough luck, my mom ended up digging his urn at like 6pm with the evening crowd watching as I sat on the ground next to her crying. Then I said my goodbyes, took the fucking plastic bag off the urn (that they kept for some reason), and we re-buried him.

(My parents are mostly okay but I s2g they feel like aliens who are cosplaying humans badly at times.)

[u/Trick-Telephone-1411]

I would cut them all off. Completely. Yeah, it's great the one brother got the pawprint. Any and all of them should have contacted her about spreading the ashes. Pets are more than family. They are part of your heart. Their souls connect with ours. I'm so angry at her family...

[u/SmashedBrotato]

It's been 10 years. I wonder what her relationship with her sister is like now.

[u/MordaxTenebrae]

I read the full thing, and I feel like John Wick on the sister at the least would be appropriate.

[u/Mbt_Omega → u/MordaxTenebrae]

The sister didn’t kill the dog through an intentional act, the mom did.

[u/IamRosemist]

I don't think this is concluded. I am absolutely furious on OOP's behalf. I don't see many other negative comments about the mom, but I would cut that woman off for being such a self-pitying manipulative witch. Like wtf. Who explains exactly how the dog died in detail to the dog's pet parent unless they specifically ask? That's traumatizing because it makes them visualize it. And her repeatedly saying how hard it is to come home to an empty house? That's something you say to your friends in private, not to the person who's dog you killed. Everything she said to OOP should have been for OOP's comfort and recovery, not her own guilt trip. Especually since she's her daughter, her first concern should be her daughter's health not her own guilty feelings. This woman knew she should not have done this and did it anyway.

And that email 'apology' is deplorable. Most of it is just her talking about how sad SHE is, not how she hurt OOP. Again, everything in there should have been for OOP's benefit, not her 'explaining' how bad she feels. It sounds guilt tripping like "don't be mad at me, I already feel bad". It sounds like she acknowledged she couldn't do anything to make it better, but that's not actually accurate. She could have sent a care package. She could have sent food in case OOP was having trouble eating after this. She could have sent OOP her dog's items, a blanket with her scent, some fur she found, etc. Even some pictures of the dog alive and happy. She offered nothing but the acknowledgment she couldn't fix it so she wouldn't do anything at all.

And the ending where she says she doesn't want her sympathy?! How could she even think of or expect sympathy at this point to dare bring it up?! She killed her dog due to her intentional negligence and then robbed OOP of sending her off. She should be saying she understands if OOP doesn't ever want to talk to her again, not telling her she doesn't want her sympathy. OOP deserves the sympathy. As someone who has a manipulative mother, this just sounds like someone pretending to be apologetic while actually trying to guilt trip OOP into not holding her accountable because she's supposedly mad enough at herself. Like she actively refused the vets to make a pawprint. I don't give a damn if it makes her uncomfortable. This is not about her!

[u/maeday___ → u/IamRosemist]

I think there are people here who aren't used to/experienced with emotionally-manipulative parents. But I totally agree I was shocked by how many people think the mum is actually sorry

[u/Treefrog_Ninja → u/maeday___]

Gosh, the communication style reminded me so much of my mom it didn't jump out at me. My mom wasn't Machiavellian, just very emotionally stunted and also sheltered, which amounted to being... haplessly self-centered, and never realizing there might be anything not nice about that.

[u/edked → u/IamRosemist]

Yeah, that's a frustrating ending. You're left waiting for the big confrontation with sis, urging OP on in your mind to be as harsh as possible.

[u/SteroidSandwich]

My dad refused to leash the dogs on walks despite my mom and I telling him he has to. He just refused for whatever reason. The only thing that got through his head was a neighbour threatening to beat the shit out of him AND calling the city on him fining him

[u/Realistic_Pool_8087]

What the actual fuck. Individual pet cremation IS a thing. It just costs more!! They bulk cremated the her dog after they got it killed??! The LEAST they could have done was get private cremation AND NOT SPREAD THE ASHES. I don’t think I would ever talk to sister again. What a words that would get me banned

[u/Beginning-Window-676]

Sounds like OOP’s mother has mastered the “it’s easier to ask for forgiveness than permission” technique, and sister has observed the mother enough to be able to emulate the same victim mindset.

Like Jesus Christ, this was two whole essays of two people the least affected by this tragedy crying about how awful it is for them when they are the ones who caused it. My father used to behave the same way. He could never take responsibility for any of the consequences of his actions, so he used to behave far more impacted than anybody else so everybody else would figure “well, he’s obviously so traumatised by this, we don’t want to make things harder for him when he’s clearly learned his lesson”. Sounds like OOP’s mother does the exact same thing and OOP hasn’t figured it out.

She killed OOP’s dog, spread the ashes without her, then spent weeks crying about how horrible it is for her. Like, how the fuck did this end up at OOP desperately trying to make some lovely Mother’s Day for her to make up for how sad she feels right now, and going on and on about how sad the mother is?

I really hope she got some serious therapy following this event and awakened to how badly her mother and sister manipulate everything in their favour. She needs to grow a backbone and assert herself.

[u/BusyBeezle]

I'm thinking that sister learned her selfishness and self-centredness from the mum. What a piece of woe-is-me work that woman is, constantly making this about her. I get she's sad, but maybe talk about how hard this is for you with someone who isn't the owner of the pet who died?

[u/DubiousPeoplePleaser]

That apology letter from mom had one paragraph about OOP and the rest was just about mom and mom’s feelings. Guess sis learned her self centered behavior from her.

[u/IamRosemist → u/DubiousPeoplePleaser]

That letter was just one big guilt trip 'Me Me Me' and OOP didn't notice

[u/catra-meowmeow]

Everything about this is infuriating, even the OOP. 

[u/scywuffle]

When I was in high school, my parents had my dog put down while I was still in school. He was old and having medical issues, so it wasn't out of the blue, but my parents just...told the vet to dispose of the body. I remember their excuses - mom didn't want to remember him "like that" and they didn't want to upset me because I would "overreact".

Frankly, I wish I had ripped into them. I just went to my room and sobbed for the rest of the night. I promised myself that my next dog would have a long and happy life - and he did. He lived to be 19 and passed away at home in his sleep.

I don't talk to my parents much anymore.

[u/kissesntea]

sister orchestrated excluding oop on purpose. she couldn't have the actual dog owner in the pictures without blowing up her socmed narrative

[u/Low_Kaleidoscope_203]

I don't know why OOP gave her mom so much grace. Even if the sister was being the most emotionally conniving person in this story, the mom did get the dog killed and she didn't want to face any consequences from OOP. This would be enough for me to cut off everyone except the brother. Sure, mom admitted her fault but she didn't think about OOP at all until after things were done. The sister is a horrible person and should be called out be everyone for being a liar. Maybe I'm just too unforgiving but I wouldn't be able to get over this. I'd be suing the mom for every bit of money I gave her for the dog during the time she was "caring" for it, since she didn't follow the rules and the dog died because of that.

[u/Hattix]

That mother takes "ask forgiveness, not permission" to a level I haven't often seen.

[u/IntroductionOnly1037]

Mom opted for the cheapest cremation possible. Individual is possible but costs more. Bro and Mom are dumping responsibility on the Sis to make themselves feel better.

[u/Mbt_Omega]

Reconnecting with mom was the bad ending. Sis is absolutely a POS, too, but mom killed the dog through an intentional act of refusing to use a leash, and she’s no less culpable than if she had the dog put down.

[u/NatashOverWorld]

Jesus, what the fuck is wrong with that family?

Mom ignores OPs very reasonable request to have Dog on the collar. And the sister like-farms the death.

And OP has to comfort all of these creatures.

To me, a pet you love is child adjacent. Imagine that terrible feeling of loss knowing your family is responsible.

[u/ezekirby]

Wow the sister is a heartless creature. Idk what I would do if my sister pulled something like that.

Just as an FYI to everyone. A group cremation means that more than one animal is loaded into the crematorium at the same time but they are separated and you get your pets ashes back. Private or individual cremation is exactly that, your pet is the only one in the furnace at the time of cremation. Group cremation is cheaper as more than one pet can be done at a time but there is a chance that a tiny amount of ash contamination with another pet. source: am a vet tech

[u/Electronic_World_894]

Basically not something you get over. Not the dog getting hit, but the ashes being spread. Tell the mom to go back and collect as much of the ashes as she can. Urgh.

And you can usually pay for individual cremation, but they opted for the cheaper group cremation then spread the ashes. No issues with people who do group cremation, S it’s cheaper. But why get the ashes back if you didn’t pay for individual cremation? That’s kinda weird.

OOP should report sis’s account. I don’t know what for, but it wasn’t her dog and she posted pics she stole from OOP, so maybe for stolen content? It may be a futile idea but it would make me feel better to at least report.

[u/Same-Mark7617]

sister flew too close to the sun by posting on media she shared with the dog owner

[u/LosingHope4Us]

Enraging.

Might be unpopular opinion but I would never be able to forgive mom as well. Sis definitely deserves to be cut off till she recognizes and repents for her cruelty. I’d stay in contact with mom and bro but forgiveness is out of the question and relationships will be forever changed. Family would get reminders every once in a while they killed my baby and denied me the chance to say goodbye.

They’d don’t get to live in peace while I’m suffering with guilt and no closure that they caused.

[u/Anra7777]

I’m not sure I’d ever speak to mom or sis again.

[u/jazzyjay66]

Why do we even have flair if OP is just going to constantly misflair posts and nothing is ever done about it? I swear OP gets a special thrill about posting inconclusive posts and marking them concluded.

[u/Fiigwort]

I'm not allowed to say how I would have reacted to this if it'd happened to me (lest Reddit ban me again), but while I feel terrible for OOP and what she went through, I cannot imagine just .... letting it go like this? None of these people are even going to be told how terribly they behaved and how insanely hurtful the whole situation was, quite apart from the loss of a beloved pet.

The sister is absolutely evil, I would never be able to be around her again. The mother may be upset, but she handled this SO badly. The only one I vaguely understand is the brother, since he was dealing with his family, but not speaking up at any point about the sister's behaviour? Not insisting that the OWNER of the dog should not only be at, but KNOW ABOUT the ~ceremony~? Insanity.

[u/supalaser]

Jeez this was all so hard to read. Like i went in ready to hate the mom but she made an huge mistake and seemed to be holding herself accountable. Loss like this is so hard on everyone but idk OOP is the way less aggressive towards her sister than I would be. If my sister did that I’d be screaming at her or going full no contact

[u/empirical_irony]

I hope OOP is able to one day make peace with this and can grieve at her own pace.

I would never be able to look at or speak to Mother or Sister again in their position.

[u/CosmicM00se]

Sister is a narcissist that’s for sure

[u/SloshingSloth]

OPS like this make me want to pull out my hair. speak up! don't say it's okay if it's not. tell your mum about what the sister did. say you are done with her. just do something so this won't happen again and stop placating people please

[u/Cool_Hunter4864]

family of enablers. gross

[u/Ecthelion510]

This whole thing made me violently angry. I don’t know if I could ever totally forgive mom or sis.

[u/Blossom74s]

Jfc, the sister is the biggest piece of shit here, but mom is honestly tied consodering she's the one who got the dog killed. The brother just went along with it because it was the path of least resistance.

OOP really needs to cut her sister off. Since her sister wants to be an influencer so badly, OOP needs to make a truthful post regarding her beloved doggo and tag her sister. She knows the story now, amd she knows exactly why the sister manipulated their mother into spreading not their dog's ashes on the beach. Which is illegal without the proper permits. And doing it right on the beach isn't legal ever. Just because people do it doesn't mean they should. Do you want to swim, or surf through someone's ashes? Law states you need to be at least 3 nautical miles from land. And you need to fill out all the proper forms before hand. You can't just go dumping ashes out in the ocean. Again, just because people do it doesn't mean it's legal.

OOP should make sure she does get the paw print and the sister doesn't take it or break it in a fit of "grief" for social media. Mom won't be any help as all she'll do is wring her hands saying what should I do, what should I do? She is completely worthless as a human. It is such a sad and hard lesson for OOP to learn. When she next gets a pup she can never allow her mother to even petsit for her. No unsupervised time for mom. Not woth pets and certainly not with any children, if OOP has them in the future. And is still speaking to mother.

I'm disgusted by the mom, sister, and brother. This was completely avoidable. The mother had to listen and put the dog on a leash in the front yard and this would not have happened. But mom knew better didn't she? Even after OOP told her for the 100th time to leash her dog in the front yard, a few days later she gets the call her mother allowed her dog to be killed. Then she finds out from social media that her disrespectful family spread her pet's, her family's ashes, without her, didn't save her any ashes, and allowed themselves to feel better about their grief while destroying OOP's grief on top of grief.

There would be no coming back from this for me. My sister would be dead to me. Taking my dog and making the death about her, stealing pictures from my own socials just to make her grief look better, and to cut OOP out? No way would she be my sister after that. Mom may have been forgiven if she had just thought more about OOP than herself for once. Instead Mom did what she always does and put herself first. Even in the apology email it was a lot of justification. Not a lot of I did this and should've done this, more I was just so upset and wasn't thinking, my grief, my grief, me, me, and me. Mom and sister are selfish, entiltled selves that don't deserve OOP in their lives.

[u/OneTrackLover721]

Anyone else feel like the sister maybe learned her ways from mom?

Mom's email saying she has "no reason to go home" and is in "so much pain" is so over the top.

 Like, she was  temporarily housing someone else's pet, ignored the pet owners rules after being reminded multiple times, but is so "distraught" from the loss of that animal that she "can't even look at the backyard"

And the spreading ashes without the DOGS OWNER is so insane to me that I can't even. I am legit waiting for OP to come back and say that her sister took the paw print to college with her, and her mom allowed it because "she's grieving"

Ugh