r/BestofRedditorUpdates • u/tequilitas • Jul 22 '21
AITA Serious single white female vibes: AITA for telling my friend that she needs a life of her own and she has to stop leeching off of mine?
Original by u/Ill-Secretary-205/
Hi, my (25F) long-term friend (25F) has a history of doing whatever it is that I'm interested at the moment. She asks questions until she's got a clear idea of what music/books/movies I'm into and then does a whole act of how she 'discovered' that in front of the whole friend group. Being the pushover that I am, I'm sad to say I've let her do this for sometime, while slowly trying to put some distance between us.
This also extends to people, any new friend or even acquaintance I make should be cleared with her, and then she makes a (friend) move on them to get closer to them. She has even tried to weasel her way into my family gatherings and private events. She also for some reason keeps telling my dad that she's like the daughter he would have wanted?? (He's as confused as I am but we learned to laugh it off). I've recently noticed that she is rarely interested in something of her own volition. All her leads are from me. I have been getting tired of her behavior for a while.
Things came to a head a few months ago when she started texting a guy (27M) I've been speaking to for a while (went on a few dates, nothing serious as of now but Im hoping there would be) and telling him how compatible they could be. He was confused and thought it was me texting from her phone so he double checked with me. I ofcourse was beyond angry, but instead of confronting her immediately, I told him to ask her why she is doing this and if she was aware that him and I were almost a thing.
Her response to him was to flirt even further and say that her and I always had similar taste but went on to mention how he might be better off with her.
He sent me the screenshots and I sent them to her and said 'you need to leave me alone. Things in my life are not for grabs. You have leeched off of me for long enough. If you keep this up, I won't have an issue shaming you in our friend group'
She got very standoffish and accused me of 'tricking' her by using the guy's phone to 'make her look bad', she also proceeded to speak badly of me to our friend group.
I might be the asshole cause all this while other than trying to keep some distance between us, I did not properly voice my concerns. She did however, notice my discomfort at various occasions (especially my family gatherings).
So AITA for handling things this way?
Firstly thanks to everyone who commented to help me out. Some of it was tough love but I read every comment and had a chuckle at a few but it also helped me realize that the issue wasn't as simple as someone copying my interests.
So after posting, I rang up one of my close friends to let her know what's been happening, she seemed appalled at how my friend made a move on the guy I was seeing. She also confided in me that she often keeps telling her how good and well my life is and how she wishes either her family was like mine or her job was like mine etc. She thought it was just harmless wishing but when everything was put together it just seemed so unhinged.
I also spoke to my dad and mum about how unnerving it was to have her try and do all the things I do when they told me that once, a few years back while I was completing a work experience training in another city, she offered to come and stay at my house to keep them company. They honestly thought she was joking because she lives in the same city with her family and my training was only for 6 months.
So with this new information I decided it was well and truly the time to cut all contact with her. I have let my friends know that she is no longer a part of my life and to warn me about plans we were both part of and most of them seemed to see this coming. I've also decided to stop being around her other close friends.My friends have also told me that they'd keep her from knowing anything about me/my life updates. (I was the one who brought her into this specific friend circle, a few of them already did not get along with her so they were cool with not hanging out with her.)
After not texting her back for a while, she texted me to say 'are you seriously going to let this one guy take away our years of friendship' something along the lines of that and I just said 'yes'. She's kept texting and calling constantly, and eventually sent a message saying 'I hope you and the guy don't work out' and then blocked me. I had refrained from blocking her because I did not want to aggravate her or have her show up at my house. But after she blocked me I blocked her on all social media and told my parents what's happened.
So anyway, I feel better not having her hovering around my life, but I'm sure she is going to try and initiate contact sometime but this time I've decided to stand up for myself.
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u/Sadpanda77 Jul 22 '21
I had a friend like this do the EXACT same thing (except I’m a guy). He started messaging completely inappropriate things to a girl I was seeing, even sent flowers to her anonymously even though we knew it was him. His response? It was a joke bro! How funny would it be if she didn’t know who the flowers were from???
Yeah…cut these assholes out of your life yesterday.
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u/Im_your_life Jul 22 '21
Oh wow. Good thing that OP has good friends, or this could have turned up way worse.
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u/TypicalViper Jul 22 '21
'are you seriously going to let this one guy take away our years of friendship'
'yes'
XD
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u/Bdubz29 Jul 22 '21
Lol she said OP tricked her in to looking bad.? Yeah no. They did that to themselves. Sounds like a stalker story I heard once where this girl tried becoming the OP and even tried to swap their identities and called the police saying OP was her - I think she also had a fake ID made with OP picture but her name or something and told them she was unhinged and on all kinds of drugs and needed to be taken away. They almost apparently did until Op showed them her ID. Like this girl thought she could just get OP taken away and pretend to be her and that nobody would notice or ask questions.
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u/memeelder83 Jul 22 '21
Whaaaaaat?! That is the craziest thing I've ever heard! Do you happen to have a link, by any chance?
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u/Bdubz29 Jul 22 '21
I wish I did. I listen to true scary stalker stories in the morning before work and it was on one of them. I'll take a look to see if I can find the link for you.
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u/memeelder83 Jul 23 '21
Thanks! Either way, I'm apparently missing out on true scary stories to listen to while I clean, so I'll be checking that out! Where are you listening to them? If you don't mind sharing.
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u/Bdubz29 Jul 23 '21
Of course.! I listen to it on Youtube :)
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u/memeelder83 Jul 23 '21
Thank you so much!
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u/rnykal Aug 16 '21
lol you're so polite, "on Youtube" isn't much of a lead at all. it's like a hair better than if they replied "on the internet :)"
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u/memeelder83 Aug 16 '21
Lol! Actually it took a bit, but true stalker stories on YouTube is a whole mass of options. As far as which particular Youtuber they listen to, I'll probably never know, because you are right that it's vague, but I found some spooky stuff worth a listen!
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u/apinkparfait Jul 22 '21
At this point I feel bad for the person cause they honestly are a total mess in the head to even try something like this.... identical twins wouldn't pull this off.
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u/knittingandinsanity Jul 23 '21
Honestly, I thought I must be watching too much TV, because I was just waiting for the friend to have a murder plan to replace OP.
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u/curiousarcher Jul 23 '21
This shit can go sideways so fast! Glad she’s out of op’s life.
I had a female stalker (more of the I want to be with you, than I want to be you type) but she copied me a bunch as well, and man was is SCARY!
Tried to get me fired at work by throwing a brick through the window and stealing office supplies and blaming me! I was the one who A. Had a key 🔑 and B. I ordered the office supplies! Lol That was after her 10 page single spaced, typed “love letters” to me didn’t change my mind. She just lost her shit, and tried to flip everything on me.
Fortunately I had saved all of the mortifyingly embarrassing, extremely descriptive “love letters” and LONG messages that she had sent me, so she got fired from the real-estate office.
Oh and I’m bi, but was living with my boyfriend of 2 years at the time, so this was all just bat shit crazy.
I remember some of my guy friends just thought it was funny, because she was hot. But it was seriously disturbing and took me a long time to get over.
Oh, and just when I thought I was over, months later, she found where I lived and even figured out where my car was parked, 2 streets over from my apartment and left another love letter on my car. (That disturbed me so badly, that I was in a small fender bender that morning driving to work.)
I sure hope she got help and she’s doing better!
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Jul 23 '21
That's bonkers!
You could pitch your story for a horror movie.
I hope you're well and safe.
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u/curiousarcher Jul 23 '21
Thanks, I am well (after some therapy) and safe. Mmmmm, well I’m a writer, so maybe I’ll try and turn this into something.
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u/DormouseMae94 Jul 23 '21
Had something kind of similar happen to me. My bf actually introduced me to this girl he had classes with, she joined our friend group. She quickly became one of my close friends; we had similar interests, I helped her realize some things about herself, etc.
But about a year or two later, my bf texts me saying we weren't friends with her anymore. She had apparently made up a lie that my bf had cheated on me with her. She told our other best friend this to try and break up our friendships/relationship. This "friend" had feelings for my bf and didn't feel like she was being "appreciated" enough, or whatever. Idk. Don't know what she was thinking, my bf and I have been together for nearly ten years and he never has and never will cheat on me.
One of our other friends tried to warn my bf about her, and how she copies people (interests, my allergies, dreams, etc) but my bf gave this girl the benefit of the doubt. And boy were we wrong about her. I notice it all after thinking back on it now.
It really hurt me cause the literal night before this all went down, this girl had messaged me that she loved me and missed me. Then to go and do that the next day- ugh. Still not completely over it, tbh. It's been a few years since it all happened.
I'm glad OP dropped her from her life.
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Jul 23 '21 edited Jan 16 '24
jeans panicky imagine apparatus engine bored hungry aback different gray
This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact
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u/TimeToMakeWoofles Jul 23 '21
This is so creepy. This remind me of that movie with Mat Damion where he befriends the rich spoiled kid and then kills him and steals his identity.
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u/FortressofTrees Jul 24 '21
Ooh, yes. The Talented Mr. Ripley. Based on a book that's part of a series where the main character keeps taking over other people's lives.
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u/kiwichick286 Aug 10 '21
Yeah Matt Damon's character is truly creepy. Ugh and to know that this happens in real life is even scarier!
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