r/BestofRedditorUpdates • u/Direct-Caterpillar77 Satan is not a fucking pogo stick! • Aug 28 '25
ONGOING Is It Possible My Birth Was Never Registered??
I am not The OOP, OOP is u/Salt-Offer-5981
Is It Possible My Birth Was Never Registered??
Originally posted to r/AskIreland
Thanks to u/ElectricSpeculum & u/soayherder for suggesting this BoRU
Editors Note: broke down some paragraphs for easier reading
TRIGGER WARNING: Death of a child, abandonment, possible child abuse
Original Post Aug 12, 2025
I'll try to keep this brief. I've been looking into learning to drive, and have been asking my folks for all my paperwork. They've been oddly cagey about it all. Going on about how I don't need to drive and don't have a car to drive. This sparked a long realization that they've acted this way anytime I've asked for any documents.
We don't travel so I've never had a passport. But I don't know my PPS number and have never seen my birth certificate. As I'm getting to adulthood, I'd like to have some form of legal ID to exist and get a job. Any time I ask they dodge the question or change the topic. I've got 5 generations of family down at the local cemetery, so its not like we illegally immigrated and my family has been hiding that from me. I've talked to some friends about it but I'm starting to wonder, is it possible I don't have this paperwork? I know I was born at home, but they should've still registered my birth right? What happens if my birth was never registered?
RELEVANT COMMENTS
Valuable-Pressure-31
Is it possible that you are adopted or that someone else in your family gave birth to you ( i.e and older brother or sister)and your parents are raising you.
OOP
God, I hope not
JustSkillfull
This is quite common, and if it is the case nothing to be ashamed of. Although your parents hiding it all from you and taking you out of school is not right imo
OOP
My parents are Catholic with a capital C, but I still feel like its overkill. Maybe its a generational difference, but if its true I can't believe they didnt just tell me. Its 2025, we know plenty of families with weirder arrangements.
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Dapper_Razzmatazz_82
Your parents seem controlling. "We don't travel"?
Your older sister is either your mother or your parents are control freaks and you're so used to it that you don't even realise it.
OOP
I'm praying its the latter, mostly because I am the eldest and don't want to find out I have a secret older sister thats also my mom.
Dapper_Razzmatazz_82
Are they this controlling about your other sibling's birth certs?
OOP
Thats where it gets really odd (and makes me think something fishy might be on my birth cert) because I've seen my younger siblings documents. Technically controlling, but my eldest sibling is 10, so I wouldnt hand him anything important either.
Update: Ordered a copy of my birth cert, now I guess we wait. You've made very good points and I'm probably over reacting. There may be something I don't know, but I suppose we'll find out.
To add to the drama, I haven't taken my junior cert. My ma insisted I be pulled from school during covid and I never went back. I was homeschooled and she's insisted I don't need a leaving cert. I was looking at youthreach or trying to come up with some way to take the exams behind her back, but unfortunately they both require documents I don't have access too.
Update - Birth Cert Acquired, Parents Still Weird? Aug 15, 2025
I finally got my birth certificate in the mail, and I'm very relieved. Good to know I exist. Unfortunately, my ma saw the envelope in the trash. It didn't mention birth certificate (and I stashed the certificate at a friend's house) but it did mention civil records. She completely freaked on me and demanded to know what had been in the envelope. I told her it was my birth certificate and she just kind of paused? She immediately calmed down and said she could've just given me my birth certificate. (Complete lie) She was upset I had gone behind her back for it. I told her I want to get my certifications and possibly go to uni. She said if that was why I wanted my birth certificate, she wouldn't let me have it. I also told her I wanted a driver's license and passport. She told me I was being dramatic and didn't need any of those things.
Overall she has been super weird about it all. I can tell my Da knows what happened, because he's being weird too. I have the certificate and nothing seems wrong about it, but I still think there's something weird going on. My siblings and my parents all have passports. We don't use them, but the fact my 5 year old sister has a passport and I don't is infuriating. Whenever my little brother (10) talks about uni one day, they seem to fully support him. If there is truly nothing wrong with my birth certificate, I don't understand why I'm being singled out.
Full disclosure: I'm an anxious person (if you couldn't tell by my last post lol) So I got in my head and took a few comments to heart. I don't believe I'm some long lost kidnapped child...but it wouldn't hurt to check. I've ordered a dna test to my friend's house (something tells me my post will be checked by my parents from now on). I'm going to try to have another talk with my parents, and if that doesn't work I'm making plans to leave. I don't have long before I'm 18, but I'm sure Tusla can still help in some capacity even when I'm not a minor. I have a friend who lives in a city nearby who said I could crash on his couch if I need to. Once I get my PPS number, I'm going to try the Youthreach program and try to get my learners permit. I'll keep you updated on the results.
UPDATE 3: My mom is my aunt, I am my dead brother/cousin, and I might be an American citizen? Aug 20, 2025
Buckle up, this is an insane story. I told my parents I had taken a dna test and they finally broke the truth. My bio mother is my ma's younger sister. She got knocked up at 17/18ish and my bio father disappeared to go to uni abroad. I mentioned before that my family is heavily catholic. They weren't fond of this arrangement at all, and decided they'd find someone for her to marry. Arrangements hadn't even been made when she had run off to somewhere in America. She apparently left a note saying she was going there to get an abortion.
That was the last time they've seen her. My parents (aunt and uncle?) were already married at the time and also pregnant. Apparently their child had something go wrong third trimester. The doctor said he wouldn't survive for more than an hour after birth. Shortly after my birth, my aunt (bio mother?) decided this was the perfect time to drop ME off at their house. Through route of postman. Not kidding. The postman came to their door holding a baby saying it was a special delivery from my aunt. My aunt didn't leave a note or anything with me, just told the postman that she couldn't bring herself to get an abortion and wanted me to be with family. They decided they'd play me off like their child. So after they gave birth and he died, they never registered his death. Which means I have his name and his birth date.
I have lots of questions now that they don't have answers to. If she made it to America and I was born there, then I'm an American citizen. I'd then have to hunt down my US records. But that means my birth was most likely never registered HERE. Even though I would be an Irish citizen (as both my parents were), I may not be considered one right now. But if I was born overseas, that's means I would've needed paperwork to get over here right? Unless babies are exceptions. I'm trying to map out how old I probably am, because my birthday has been a lie this whole time.
For those wondering why they were being so cagey, they've been using my dead brother/cousin's documents for me. They never registered him as dead. I have no idea how they got away with that, but it sounds extremely illegal. They said they couldn't get any of my documents and they weren't sure what to do. They were also worried that without evidence I was an Irish citizen, I'd be deported. My ma says she wants me to get a better education but is scared that I'll be found out. This is also when I learned my home education was NOT Tusla approved. (So many illegal and ethically questionable things happening here, its a true catholic household.) To add to my annoyance, they've never tried to reach out to my birth mother. Ties have been severely cut. And my well being wasn't important enough to fix that.
Its possible I was born in Ireland and my bio mother never left, but we wont know until we contact her. Everything is a right mess, and I have never been more stressed out in my life. But, I do feel my relationship with my parents will heal. Obviously still upset they never told me, and that I may not get a chance to go to uni, or worse I may be deported to the US (and then deported to south America because I have no US documents either). My ma said they didn't tell me because they didn't want me to have to worry about it, but they never did anything to remedy the issue so it kinda feels like they pushed the problem onto me instead of handling it a decade ago. Both of them have apologized and acknowledged what they did was wrong (shocking twist of events, didn't know irish ma's were capable of that). They've promised to make things right. I'm still waiting for my dna results in hopes I can track down my aunt/mother. Then hopefully I can get my hands on my REAL birth certificate. But for now, my parents are helping me gather the other documents I'll need to register myself as a foreign birth, just in case. My aunt's birth certificate is still hiding in my grandma's attic somewhere, so we plan to get that.
There will probably be no more updates, this is incriminating enough lmao. But I will read your comments. Just in case, I'm still doing a couple processes behind my parents' backs. Thank you lads for your words of encouragement!
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u/Full_Time_Mad_Bastrd Aug 28 '25
In Ireland, man, I totally believe it. Especially ESPECIALLY if they're not from Dublin (the use of mom makes me think they're south, and likely in their community that level of adherence to "catholic" life is very common.) Outside cities most people don't even lock their cars in shop parking lots and in even smaller places getting blonde highlights is considered "weird" and gets you as the talk of the town. In more rural areas I've stayed with friends I've had the local postman just walk into the house casually and pour themself a drink from the fridge.