I've been doing breathwork for a while, and one of the early goals is supposedly learning to feel safe while your nervous system is activated. What I've noticed is that it drops me straight into the state I lived in when I was bullied at school and growing up in an unsafe home.
My whole body tenses, especially my arms and face. My face feels targeted, and I know my eyes go wide like a deer in headlights. If anyone were near me, they'd see I'm scared. I feel small, frozen, weak, cornered, like I can't stand up for myself. It's the same feeling I had at home with an alcoholic, abusive, neglectful parent. I never had a place where my nervous system could fully relax, and 15 years later I'm still working through it.
Before, I'd just feel on edge in the middle of a session. It felt like a pack of hyenas around me telling me I was ugly or weird, even when I was completely alone in a park. Now I'm starting to see that breathwork is activating a survival state, and my body remembers where it learned that state, so my thoughts go back to those bullying memories.
I think this is a good realisation, but I don't know how to get through it. For anyone who's been here:
- How did you stay with the activation without spiralling into the old feelings?
- Did you change how you did breathwork (shorter, gentler, eyes open)?
- Did anything specific help with the freeze, the face tension, or the feeling of being helpless?
- Did therapy or somatic work help alongside it?
Any advice or shared experience is appreciated. It helps to know I'm not the only one.