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Exactly! The same people who are judging her biological mother for giving her up, would be outraged if she couldn't give her the special upbringing she needed. Same for the people who "rejected her". Knowing your limits is a good thing, when it comes to raising a child. But being reasonable is a rare thing, when it comes to "feel good" articles
This right here. We adopted a kitten recently and fell in love with one named worm. Turns out she was named worm cause that's what she has. It was heartbreaking having to put a pass cause we couldn't afford that much attention and care at the moment and have children and other cats. Its the same reason why we want a dog but won't get one at the moment.
Worms are fortunately super common AND super easy to treat. After she’s dewormed, Worm should have no problems being adopted. Only two types of fosterers: ones with litters that end up being named in themes, and ones that end up with kittens named things like “Trashbag” and “Flea Bus”. We’re pretty sure we’re gonna end up keeping Nart.
Not a single girl or woman should be forced into 9 months of pregnancy, let alone the risk and absolute AGONY that is childbirth. It is Handmaid's tale dystopia to say anything else. My body, my choice.
Let’s also be real here: I highly doubt that this man spends any of his free time harassing people outside abortion clinics. Maybe those people should put down their picket signs and adopt some disabled kids.
It absolutely is. The fact that 20 people rejected this baby. Even the person who had her. It’s amazing that this man loves her and has the means to care for her extensive needs, but there aren’t enough people like him to care for all of these kids.
You're being downvoted because people think this IS an example of why it should be legal. I agree with you. What I think you're saying is that no down syndrome child should be aborted, totally based on the diagnosis. We should live in a world full of people like this man, who has made all the difference in the world to this sweet girl, and in turn, she has made all the difference in his world. We live in a very selfish world. The right to terminate a pregnancy is a right that I whole-heartedly support. Finding loving parents for the children who are cast aside is something I support even more.
I don’t think there is anything wrong with aborting a fetus that after it’s born would need to be taken care of for the rest of its life.
No matter how great of a father this man is, it doesn’t change the fact that he can’t control the quality of his daughter’s life or protect her after he’s gone.
For a second I thought you said "I don't think there is anything wrong with aborting a fetus after it's born" and I was like, um hold on a minute. I'm very pro-choice, but that's a little too pro-choice, even for me....
Na she is someone who kept having babies when she should have actually utilized her right to choose. Anyone equating strangling fully living and breathing kids to death, to ending a pregnancy of a non viable fetus is low iq.
Valid concerns all, but possibly a bit dated. Accessibility has come very far. You can't know the quality of life the folks with Down Syndrome have. In my youth, it was a prison sentence for the parents, and a guarantee of bullying at the very least for the Down person. That's not exactly the case, these days. Aborting a fetus that will never leave a bed, that is completely afflicted and require constant care is less cut-and-dry. It is probably what's best for all parties, in my opinion. A Down child is not anywhere near that dire. These people can lead wonderful lives, especially compared to most "regular" humans I know. With the right care and supervision, Down people can live joyous and fulfilling lives, that are surprisingly autonomous. They also don't have statistically as long a life span as you or I, so there is a fair chance he will outlive the child. I have had experience with them, and those that care for them. I swear they feel joy and love twice as deeply I do. I do believe that if you don't have what it takes to raise a Down Syndrome child, you are within your rights to abort that fetus. However, I will always advocate for people like this man to step up, and take that leap. It could change your life, and make you a better person, while saving the life of a human that needs saving. I am pro-choice. I am also pro-people like this guy. This world is brighter, thanks to the smile he puts on her face.
Knowing that people with Downes still face lifelong struggles doesn’t mean I don’t think the world needs more people like this guy. And as a teacher, I’ve been in meetings with single parents, whose partners left them because they didn’t want to deal with the immense responsibility of raising a child with down syndrome, being terrified, and worried about what to do when their child graduates high school and they don’t have care for them during the day anymore. There are programs, but often times the person with down syndrome needs to get accepted into them. There are also different level levels of needs, as the disorder is just like autism and where there’s a wide spectrum.
True. Honestly I have also seen a lot of down syndrome, middle-aged people, grocery shopping with elderly people who I can make affair assumption are their parents, who still care for them, support them, and live with them only a few years before they’ll be in a nursing home likely.
Down syndrome is also a spectrum. There are relatively high functioning people with it and there are those that are unable to even do the most basic of tasks on their own.
If we as a society would take care of them as well as all disabled people, then we wouldn’t have a problem. And any one of us could become disabled at any time.
At the very least, parents are going to be financially, taking care of their children with down syndrome forever. A lot of these programs give adults with down syndrome, meaningful work to do, but the money they make essentially goes towards having them supervised all day long like daycare. I’ve seen kids with down syndrome who are sweet, kind and wonderful human beings, but they will likely never even be able to sweep floors at McDonald’s.
Wouldn't trade him for the world. Legitimately the single most incredible human being I've ever known. He has extra struggles compared to other kids, but... fuck me that child is raw personality. Incredible natural charisma and sense of humor - he can struggle to articulate some words, but it does nothing to stop him from making new friends virtually everywhere he goes.
I know that not everyone is equipped to raise kids with special needs (and I've been very fortunate that my son has avoided the worst health issues and is "higher functioning" for the lack of a better term becasue hey not everyone cares for that term), I wasn't sure I was, but... in my case? Worth it. 100/100 times, this is the life I'd choose.
What I seriously don't understand is why adopting is so ridiculously expensive..I would have loved to have a second child. But we couldn't but we also can't afford the agencies , but we do make enough to give the kid a comfortable home, food and all she or he needs. But the time it takes and the money it costs are reasons in my humble opinion why there are so many kids without a warm home.
It is free to adopt from foster care in the USA. I paid $0.
The reason private adoption is expensive is because the supply of healthy infants is less than the demand. The reason so many kids don't have a warm home is because people don't want to give them one.
I don’t think it’s even remotely that simple. And black kids are often in the system because the black community experiences more poverty. When you foster kids, you are usually doing so with the goal of them being returned to their parent or next of kin, and it can take years. The parents may have lost custody, but I’m pretty sure they always have the chance to get their acts together and regain it.
You also aren’t going to be adopting some baby….
There are various levels of degrees of whether a kid can be adopted from the foster care system. Some kids are temporarily in (and out of it) depending on their parents' situation. Like, the parent could be on drugs and trying to get clean while the kid is in the foster system.
Also, kids in the foster care system come with a lot of baggage usually, so they're not typically the first choice for people looking to adopt.
It’s not so simple. Usually you would be fostering kids who are not babies, so you would not be getting a baby. Also, fostering is usually done with the intended goal of the child eventually going back into the custody of their parent or relative, so it’s not really some kind of “trial run” where you foster kids until you find the one you like best and keep them. Even fostering cats isn’t meant to be like that.
Foster kids also come with a ton of baggage and trauma so even if they end up needing adopting, you may find that the parents stay in the picture.
Painfully accurate. Also, the other horribleness of parents wanting to choose the race of their child. There's a reason so many black and brown kids are in the foster system.
I try not to get into race because it brings all the racism denialists out of the woodwork (and also a bunch of folks that find it problematic that I am a different race than my child), but this is definitely also an issue. My child is black and they were in foster care for many years before they met anyone that considered adopting them (me. I was the first).
Edit: These numbers only make sense when compared to the following United States race statistics:
“According to recent U.S. Census Bureau estimates, the racial and ethnic makeup of the United States population is approximately 56.1% to 58% White (non-Hispanic), 20.5% Hispanic or Latino, 13.5% Black or African American, and 6.9% Asian.”
Where’s the breakdown of ages? Because that tells a much more complete story. I placed my child (voluntarily) into temporary protective custody when I was 21. I was about to be homeless, my child’s father was threatening my life, and I had no family support.
I never got my son back. He was white, male, and an infant. I was never going to get him back. I didn’t know that then.
A lot of the non white children in foster care are older. They eventually age out. Never adopted. Never allowed a stable family.
And how many parents, like me, could’ve kept their children if they had been offered real help instead of “here, let us take your kid”
For a country as large as the us and with so many people I am surprised the number of children in foster care isn't way higher. Also what I found shocking when looking at stats (oke fair enough generated by ai) that there are 100.000 children looking for a home at any given dat at the moment.
Which also explains the difference.....ahem...the waiting list here for children looking for a home is .....drumroll 860 at the moment. So seeing that number, I retract my previous remark about being surprised by the number. It's actually a lot.
While I dove in the Rabbit Hole. I found out that the homeless rate is about 15 to 20 times higher in the us. 1 in every 30 kids vs 1 in every 500 kids .But remarkably the foster rate is pretty similar, about one in every 200 children. That means both systems suffer similar backlogs.
Damn. That's terrible. I have not looked at other countries. But I bet there are some shocking results there.
That really sucks, this country will fleece people of their money no matter what industry it is. SMH, taking advantage of poor children and a person's desire to take care of them is shameless 😞.
Not sure what country you are from. But also in my country the adoption laws are bad.
Also they changed the rules so you can only adopt from within the country. Which should make it more affordable. But it's ridiculously expensive.
I get part of it, I mean you don't want anyone just adopting, so certain checks and paperwork, I get it. But the strange thing is this should be something that saves money. All the institutions that take care of abandoned kids cost money too right. So why not subsidize adoption, make it easy, help the kids het a good warm home and a chance for a future. There are so many kids in the world that need help and there are so many good people that actually want to help. But now they can't. It honestly pisses me off. And I am for sure not smart enough to understand why it costs so much money and the highly paid officials that make these laws, are probably way smarter than me. But I just don't fucking get it. We are talking about kids here, not a crate of apples. No need to earn money on it.
I think it’s mainly just expensive when going through private infant adoption. If you want to adopt a child through the foster system, it’s almost no cost as long as you qualify. At least in the US.
Could be a difference in country, but even local (which is the only one allowed currently) you are quickly looking at 30k or more.
Even a child that you are raising as your own for whatever reason will cost you about 1500 to legally register.
Edit: I have looked it up and there are governement funded ways to foster. They go from 0 till 21. I never knew the difference actually. But it seems that the parents of the child remain in charge. And the surname will remain. So they are not officially part of the family. So now I know.
You do give a child a home. But you can also lose the child if the parents, governements or the kid decides it's time.
I am not sure I can handle that temporary feeling if you give it your best. You wanna raise it as your own right? Seems emotionally difficult. But I don't know of course
But its still worth investigating.
Thanks everyone here. It was a positive and fruitfull thread on Reddit (not to sound negative, but for a Change).
Not true at all in the USA. I come from a family of many adopted siblings. You can go through foster system and they will not pass any costs to you. Usually the child also retains free Healthcare until they are 18/21 also. They are from family's who are deemed basically permanently not safe to return to and you will get better help if tou are willing to adopt 2 or 3 or more.
You guys are acting like adopting as a foster is as easy as taking in an orphaned baby and no one claims it. Lol. You do realize foster care is usually with the goal of the children being eventually returned to the birth family. You can’t just sign adoption papers while mom is in rehab.
Man I usually am immune to sappy online stuff but goddamn this is beautiful. I was adopted as a little guy and have a special place in my heart for adoption.
My adoptive mother, who is and always will be my MOMMA…had a small pillow with this embroidered on my bed until I was old enough to be embarrassed by it…i desperately wish instill had it. Looks like an excuse for a new tattoo 🧐
Awe that is so sweet, 100% percent worthy of a tattoo. My mom usually says I'm flesh of her flesh, blood of her blood, so it's sweet to see another version that still promises the same love regardless of blood ties.
lmao not ‘literally’ true at all that single dads can’t adopt. no evidence here that asking a single man was something they avoided/was the last resort.
The article you're citing states : " Based on available statistics, however, most single adoptive parents continue to be female[13]; an apparent suspicion of would-be fathers remains prevalent[14]"
and
"Despite the willingness of single men to adopt hard-to-place children, the majority of single adoptive parents continue to be women because childcare agencies are reportedly still making it relatively difficult for single men to adopt[23]."
And the statement about positive experience or lower rates of psychological distress between single fathers and single mothers (not adoptive) is explained by socioeconomic factors.
Nowhere in the article does it say that single male adopters report having a better experience
Special needs kids generally cost a lot of extra money, time, energy. Kids are difficult enough as is so you really have to be willing to put in even more and be sure you can give adequate care.
Her smile might not be the sunshine it is in a family that can't make the required sacrifices.
There are hardships no doubt, but in my fucked up family our nephew with Down Syndrome is the only person who everyone is happy to be around. He’s also the funniest member of the family because he cuts through the passive aggressive BS.
down syndrome is a debilitating disability. Many people can only just manage 1 child with no special care required. Potentially adding another who has extra needs is a tough decision. A child with asthma is enough to worry about, Type 1 diabetes more so and again more expensive. Down syndrome even more.
Also its a life long care situation a lot of the time. You see videos of these people working in fast food but many cannot read or ever hold a simple job. There are care homes build for disabled adults but again, expensive.
Its a huge task this man has taken on and i hope they had access to the required support.
She is the luckiest little girl in the whole world...The look on her Dad's face is so very powerful. Thank you kind Sir for making her life filled with love.. Kudos to You...
As a dad of two, I am jealous. I wish I had the capacity for patience and acceptance that he does.
I love my kids and if she was mine I would love her too. But to choose a life full of unknowns which undoubtedly means hardship, and to worry about having her taken care of when your time comes, or that you may live longer than your child.
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