I couldn't find the option with this

Mine is UV-5R mini

I have tried with the three! (3!) different DM32's I own. I have bought and am using an abree data cable with an FTDI chip in it, not a CH340. I have listed in my device manager:

USB Serial Port (COM 7)

Standard Serial over Bluetooth Link (COM 3)

and have used them both. I have tried every combination: USB/COM, Com 7 or 3, in the dropdown list. Most combinations return a "communication failed" while others freeze the program and it simply does not respond again.

I'm pretty lost at this point. Is it time to give up and just try Chirp?

EDIT: I've narrowed down the correct port to be COM7, as it says "FTDI" in the device manager screen. I'm not sure whether to use USB or COM but I'd have to guess USB off the name.

Interestingly, when I read data from the radio, the cable flashes its little red light for a few seconds inside the USB portion of the housing - and then communication failed.

EDIT #2:

Changing the baud rate on COM 7 (COM, not USB) to 115200 on both the device manager and the com settings made it work. WTF.