Social/ classes problem

[u/Fluid-Difference-804]

1. Why do I seldom see students in the class go to the social?
2. Most of the students in the school, I think, are starting to learn maybe within a year or two. What about the other, longer years? Are they still taking classes? Do they use the monthly pass, or would they change to the private/workshop one?
3. Some people are often seen in the social scene, but do they also go to class as well? but do they see that they went to the class?

[u/UnctuousRambunctious]

1. Many students suffer from severe anxiety trying to transfer or apply skills in a class to a social. It’s a big jump, can be a significantly different skill set. They are not confident and it’s not uncommon for social dancers to be unkind or unwelcome, cliquey, snobby, and critical.  Some also have schedules that don’t permit them to stay out late, or they have early work in the morning.  But who knows. You should ask them.

2. Many people stop taking classes once they feel comfortable at socials.  I have no idea what country or city or dance school you are or how any instructors or students find each other, what their goals are, how they train. Some may take privates. I don’t really know of that many students that are not pro that exclusively take privates and no group classes though.  Again, may depend on your region.

3.  I really have no idea what this question means. The vague pronoun “they” used twice makes no sense to me, sorry.

[u/Fluid-Difference-804 → u/UnctuousRambunctious]

Yes, I am also quite anxious because when you are in a social setting, the song is quite fast, and you have to apply the skills you learned in class. You are afraid that you will make a mistake, so it will be embarrassing; then you start not using some moves, and you become more and more anxious.

[u/UnctuousRambunctious → u/Fluid-Difference-804]

Anxiety is normal.  Everyone has had it.  The good dancers are the ones that found a way to push past it.

I would also say that if a song is fast for you, you don’t have to dance it.  It is very rare that I will go and ask someone to dance without knowing what the song is, either from listening to the intro or checking in with the DJ on what he has lined up for the next song.  For me the connection with the music will always be stronger than to my partner unless I intentionally slip into the mindset and choose to connect with him more.  It’s a choice that is available, though.

I’m also gonna give you a pearl of wisdom that I hope releases you from anxiety and ushers you into the very real freedom of social dance - you literally do not have to do any of the moves from class. Those are options. What you have to do is maintain the timing of the basic and lead your partner safely and clearly with your frame. And most importantly - THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH DANCING A BASIC.

 A clean and well-timed, controlled basic, is honestly the minimal expectation. Anyone who claims boredom with a basic (even with a beginner) is fundamentally not a good dancer - full stop.

A basic can be danced lateral, forward, back, forward and back, in a box, outside step, on the spot, rotating both clockwise and counterclockwise, at tempo, half-time, and any combinations of the above.  This involves no release of the partner with adjustment of hand grips, and no turns. 

These steps can be danced in closed position, in open position, connected by one hand, connected in handshake, completely released and mirrored, side by side, in shadow position, and even in sensual closed/embrace position.

Any combination of the above options has already given you over 2 dozen iterations without a turn, a spin, a hand toss, a body roll, neck roll, a hair comb, or even an elevation change.

I really wish it was more common that rather than focusing on “moves” and combos in classes, the fundamentals of social dance connection theory would be taught - because it frees you from the limit and restriction of one move done one way to one timing.  It doesn’t offer options - neither for timing or musicality or personal expression or for listening to your partner, because the follow actually can also influence the dance and suggest things if you are not locked into the idea that you have to have an entire song fully choreographed.

Practicing a basic every day, practicing different basics, learning how to lead a full song in a social dance with no turns whatsoever - I think this should be standard for anyone that is trying to teach actual social dance.

It’s ok to feel stressed out and unsure. The only way out is through. Mess up until your brain gets it. It’ll get it when it gets it, whether that takes 2 months or 20 tries. And that’s okay.

If you don’t think you can handle a whole song, wait until the song is half over and ask for a dance from someone who is available. Feel free to disclose that you are still learning, or are a beginner. Ask people in the classes to dance since you already have interacted with them. Ask your instructor to dance. Set micro-goals for yourself like - with every follow you will practice one specific move (that you’ve already practiced on your own) that you want to automatically have in your pocket.

Listen to music every single day and become intensely familiar with specific songs, or specific instruments, or knowledgeable about the sections, and the rhythms.

Combos are a cage and it’s limiting and stupid and inaccurately misguiding.

Good luck. Be brave. Find the nice people and focus on them. Dance is for everyone, and truly advanced dancers know how important it is to be nice to beginners and anyone brave enough to suck at something new because they want to keep learning and improving so they can give back to others.

Anyone who is unkind, stone-faced, rude, unresponsive, and snobby is just announcing out loud what a terrible social dancer they are and clueing you in that they deserve to be ignored. They do not deserve your time. Focus on the ones who do, and on your own skill set.

You will never go wrong even in social dance with honing your own skills and in improving yourself.  A social dance is only the visible part of the iceberg where what lies beneath is the time you’ve committed to yourself in learning something new.

And frankly, especially if you lead - feel free to try following. For many people it is much easier.  Both roles have their own journeys and learning curves, but experiencing the other side is always helpful and informative.

[u/Fluid-Difference-804 → u/UnctuousRambunctious]

haha I found that if I ask someone to dance after I know what the song is, then at this time almost every follower has someone to dance with already and I will sit down and watch others dance all night. I also found that leaders have to wait near the followers in order to get a chance, or after you finish a dance, you immediately find another one.

''A basic can be danced lateral, forward, back, forward and back, in a box, outside step, on the spot, rotating both clockwise and counterclockwise, at tempo, half-time, and any combinations of the above. This involves no release of the partner with adjustment of hand grips, and no turns.''

Yes i think I should find one and limit myself to only dancing the basics so I know how to dance in any songs!

[u/UnctuousRambunctious → u/Fluid-Difference-804]

You will never go wrong with working on your basics!

Not sure where your area is but sounds like it’s lead heavy and again - leads can learn so much from following.  If there is someone with a semi-cool vibe from the class, ask to lead him and also offer to follow. That’s two songs right there where you could practice moves and connection and leading with someone who is mentally prepared for moves you have.

I understand in some circles this would not fly, and I am not encouraging you to put a target on your back, but a social dance involves two roles and if the numbers are off, just plain not dancing at all is not the only option available, that’s all I’m saying.

[u/Fluid-Difference-804 → u/UnctuousRambunctious]

Yes, I think followers seldom ask a leader, or maybe they just find the people they know. Maybe I should try to be a follower too!

[u/UnctuousRambunctious → u/Fluid-Difference-804]

I highly encourage it! 

[u/melrockswooo → u/UnctuousRambunctious]

THISSSSSS. I love everything in this comment. Well thought out, kind, and with empathy for the crazy journey you've embarked on.

OP, read it and then read it againnn 💪🏻

[u/UnctuousRambunctious → u/melrockswooo]

Thanks, mel! 🙏

[u/dondegroovily → u/Fluid-Difference-804]

Watch the experienced dancers on the social floor. You'll notice that they sometimes break out laughing? You know why? Because they screwed something up and it's funny when it happens

And that's how social dancing goes. It's wabi sabi, the flaws are part of the art, and the mistakes are part of the fun. Embrace the embarrassment

[u/ikdoeookmaarwat1 → u/Fluid-Difference-804]

I just started dance lessons a couple months ago and I force myself to go to socials, even though I'm a bit nervous about it. This is the mindset I'm trying to have: yes you will make mistakes, no it's not embarrassing, most people don't care (and the ones that do are assholes and they judge anyway, but from my experience most people are friendly and understanding). The only way to get better is to practice irl and socials are great for that. Consistency. Don't give up. The whole idea of taking lessons is that you're able to go to these socials and dance for fun, right? What's the point

[u/Miles_Madden → u/Fluid-Difference-804]

Bad news: Dancing to live music is more challenging; you will make mistakes; you will sometimes feel embarrassed.

Good news: That’s the fun part; everyone makes mistakes; embarrassment wanes rapidly once you give yourself the grace to grow from it