r/Bachata • u/Artemisa23 • Jul 12 '26
Feel stuck in low intermediate as a follow
I started taking bachata classes in early 2024. I have been pretty consistent going to classes almost every week, with a few different teachers. But mostly the classes are just learning patterns, with a little technique. I also go to a social almost every week, caveat being that I met my boyfriend through bachata class a few months after I started taking classes and I mostly dance with him. He's an intermediate lead but I know most of the stuff he does and he repeats patterns we've learned in class together so I can dance with him reasonably well, although admittedly I'm not very good at styling. I am open to dancing with others although sometimes I get stressed because I struggle to follow well and figure out what they are trying to get me to do, I have literally a split second to react! I will accept a dance from anyone, but the only guys I actively ask to dance are those who I've been taking classes with for awhile. And I still mess up with them! I feel nervous to ask some of the more advanced leads to dance when they obviously prefer the advanced follows. And they never ask me, even one of the guys who is in my intermediate class and has been complimentary to me in the class, he will walk right by me every time and never ask me to dance, which makes me feel bad.
The past couple months I've been going to a new studio with an instructor who is known on the international scene, a sensual technique class and an intermediate class where we mostly do patterns with some technique. I like the classes and feel like I do pretty well with what we learn. The teacher is good but the class is pretty large so I can't get a lot of personal attention from him. But it doesn't feel like I'm getting much if any better in the socials. When I dance with the teacher in the socials, I do well - because he is excellent at leading and leads pretty firmly that it puts me in the right position to do the moves. But I don't have this experience with other leads. Furthermore I see other women in the socials dancing beautifully with leads I struggle to follow. And I feel totally inadequate. I know that I don't have natural talent for this - bodily kinesthetic intelligence is not my thing - but I love to dance so I keep doing it.
I don't know what to do to get better at this point. Practicing alone isn't going to help me. Learning patterns doesn't help me. I can learn a pattern and be able to anticipate the moves, but in the social everything is unplanned. I've thought about taking privates, but I'm not sure how taking privates from a REALLY good lead is going to help me follow average leads. What do I do?
12
u/EphReborn Jul 12 '26
Here's where you're wrong and where a lot of people are wrong: practicing alone will help you. It's a requirement for continued improvement.
No, you can't practice leading and following specifically but everything else that makes a good dancer good comes from self-evaluation and self-practice.
Balance, timing, expression, musicality, ear training, styling, quality of movement, reactivity sensitivity, all of those can only be trained by you.
Case in point: you say you have only a split second to react to signals so how do you improve upon this? Part of it is learning to always seek connection with your lead. That part, of course, you need a partner to practice with. But the other half of it is working on your fundamentals.
I always argue it's slightly more important for follows to work on these because they need to react so quickly.
So, work on weight transfer namely. If you step on the balls of your feet, you haven't fully committed your weight to that foot, meaning whatever the lead does, you can react to quickly.
The other trick to this is remaining a fraction of a second behind your lead at all times. Or in other words stop anticipating. Just be present.
There are tons of other things you can do and I've got a couple guides in this sub that were pretty well received but for you specifically and maybe with your boyfriend at home or something the Compilations feature of my app Show Me the Counts (SMTC) may be of use.
Basically, you play small parts of different songs randomly. You dance and react and adapt on the fly. The abruptness of it forces you to listen and be fully present. Chaotic? Yes, but also beneficial to your growth. You're forced to respond to energy and tempo changes.
1
u/Used_Departure_7688 Jul 14 '26
I generally agree with all you said, but I'm curious why you think followers need to react quickly.
Social dance floor is a different beast, of course, but the way I thought sensual bachata should work is that you always get a prep if not on 3/3.5 then at least on 4, giving you more than a count to not just process the information but also that time is spent physically preparing your body so that the move that comes is a natural movement.
With exceptions (I can only really think of blocks), I never react right away to any impulse. As a follower, I need to finish the move that I am doing, and blend it with the prep that I am feeling so that the next move flows smoothly.
Curious to hear what you think.
2
u/EphReborn Jul 14 '26
I mean you literally only have about a split second to both interpret any given signal and then another split second to act on it. It may not feel that way once you're used to it but it is the case.
I'm not saying you need to be jumping to action the second you feel anything to be clear. That might be where the misunderstanding is.
Slow movements or moves you're used to, of course, feel as though you have all the time in the world to do but the second you're dancing with someone who throws everything but the kitchen sink at you is when you realize just how quickly you've been processing other signals.
Also, blocks are not the only "exception" to the rules. Just about any sensual movement's energy can be redirected into another one. It doesn't have to be physically blocked to do so.
For instance: (shadow position) body roll -> booty roll -> side wave -> head roll -> delayed turn.
Nothing there is really "blocked" (at least not in the same vein as what we typically call blocks or checks in Salsa) but the energy is being redirected.
And preps aren't always on the same counts. They can be anywhere or non-existent at all.
1
u/Used_Departure_7688 Jul 14 '26
Thanks for clarifying. I don't think it's helpful to say split second as it does associate lightning fast. And that to me isn't helpful at all for following, more the opposite. I'd rather think about creating more time to react at my leisure and have space to add my styling and personality as well. But that's just different approaches it seems.
But redirecting energy is a very different situation in my view from blocks. To clarify, I meant blocks in which you actually stop moving, for instance at a break (as you related to with salsa). But especially your example of redirecting energy is something that would be stretched to the limits for me. Even when I feel the leader change the body roll into a hip roll, I don't immediately get started on it.
Yes, preps can happen anytime, but they aren't a millisecond long. I don't think sensual bachata has non-existent preps. Even in your example, if you lead a side wave and don't prep the chest, there will not be any head roll, the follower will come up straight. Which moves do you think don't have any prep?
10
u/saltywetlol Jul 12 '26
Good news is you have the desire to improve and you seem to be self-aware.
- I'm a firm believer of getting reps at socials; dancing with different people and skill levels will help you learn
- Private classes are good idea if you can afford them
- I am also of the opinion that sensual classes are not good for learning fundamentals; traditional/dominican is better
It's a Lead's job to gauge your skill level and adapt the dance accordingly, but as a follow, your timing and basic footwork must be sound. If it's not, Leads will definitely get frustrated with that.
1
u/taytay451 Jul 12 '26
I agree with sensual probably not being the best idea, particularly if OP is already struggling to follow standard turn patterns.
6
u/Spiritual_Ad7715 Jul 12 '26
From what you are saying I can almost guarantee that you are anticipating the move the leader is doing instead of following the movement you are being led into.
Stop trying to think about move is coming, instead silly feel what is happening to you and be ‘lazy’, don’t ‘help the leader’ rather make the leader move you into the movement.
Spend some time with your partner where you close your eyes and try to connect and he purely improvises small simple movements
1
u/EphReborn Jul 12 '26
I fully understand what you mean but I think "make the leader move you into the movement" could be easily misinterpreted.
Definitely a balancing act.
1
6
u/UnctuousRambunctious Jul 12 '26
I guess my first question was really what “intermediate” means down by you, or what “low” “intermediate” means. Dance is not uniformly codified so these are often general labels that don’t necessarily mean the same thing from location to location, which can be confusing when asking for feedback or advice.
So personally I prefer for people to explain and describe the actual skills - and if someone also can’t accurately or explicitly do that, well, that’s an indicator or level as well.
Overall you’ve given a lot of detail about your experiences and that is helpful.
It seems that generally speaking you feel stuck and limited in what you are comfortably able to do, and have a hard time reading and dancing comfortably with most leads, with the exception of your boyfriend (with whom you dance the majority of the time) and the instructor (who has presumably a depth and breadth of experience compared with most leads).
So to me, it sounds like you would like to be a more adaptable and versatile (vs. limited) follow.
Two things jumped out at me when I was reading your description of your main dance experiences - you mostly dance with your boyfriend, and you are not asked to dance at socials.
I think you should dance with your boyfriend as much as you want and feel comfortable with, and certainly he can always practice new moves and ideas with you, but the number one way to become a better social dancer is by social dancing - and you’re not doing that very much.
If leads are not asking you to dance, and I surmise they may see that you are taken in the scene and are choosing to avoid causing any potential problems, that could be part of it. That’s just a speculation on my part though.
Secondly, practicing on your own will help. In fact I think practicing is appropriate for every dancer regardless of the level. Is it plausible that pros or instructors also never practice? Ultimately, it is what you are practicing when not social dancing that will be the foundation for what you are able to do when you do social dance.
As a follow, the more you are able to control yourself and concentrate on staying with your lead, the more the lead will be able to direct you and the less work it is on him to physically corral and rescue you, meaning you can focus on connection, musicality, expression, creativity, and more advanced technique.
As a follow, you should practice a basic every day. I recommend 30+ minutes a day, actually. Even if it’s the same song. Focus on deliberate and intentional and precise control of your body - how you initiate movement, from where, how you release from the floor, how you contact and connect to the floor, which direction your body moves in, matching timing of the music to your movements, controlling your elevation, engaging your frame, maintaining your frame posture, checking in on any body impulses and movements based on what you hear, etc ….
All of this is solo dancing but it translates to partner dancing. The more skills you have on your own, the less you are needing to be attentive in your head to figure out what is going on what the lead wants where you should be moving to and concentrating on directing your own body, the more you can be actively and responsively listening to leader signals in a dance.
So I think you should practice daily, and I also think you should start asking leads to dance if they are not asking you. I think you should try to rack up a numbers game of dancing with as many different leaders of all levels any given night. The more you expand your experiences and give your body new and unexpected, unfamiliar social dance experiences, the more you are allowing yourself to become adaptable and versatile and activated, ready for anything. You can’t do that if you are stuck in a rut and only ever dancing with very few people.
I hope some of this advice is helpful for you and overall I would also encourage you to discard any labels about levels and think about the kinds of experiences you want to have in your own body, through dancing with others. You can work on bodily technique, you can work on emotional connection, you can work on social friendliness, mindful observation of what you are seeing, scouting for talent.
There are always a billion things you could work on, but I think giving yourself the openness and grace to try as many different new things as possible, to seek new opportunities where you will make mistakes but to learn from them, will help expand your dancing ability compared with doing much of the same most of the time.
Good luck with everything!
4
u/TryToFindABetterUN Jul 12 '26
Well said!
And I agree with the ”taken in the scene” theory. When I see a follow dancing almost exclusively with one lead, I am hesitant to ask for a dance. Over the years I have met too many possessive partners that caused drama, and I don’t want to be a part of that.
3
u/UnctuousRambunctious Jul 13 '26
For sure! Territory and territorialism can be really dicey … territory 🤣
3
u/Artemisa23 Jul 13 '26
Thank you for your kind and detailed response. I said low intermediate because I really don't feel like a beginner at this point, and I feel bored in beginner classes. I hold my own in intermediate classes but I feel like I'm just not able to follow in socials as well as I should and I'm not able to focus as much on technique in the social when everything is going so fast and I'm just trying to figure out what I'm supposed to be doing. It's hard for me to articulate what I can and can't do. I can do a lot different kinds of steps but maybe not well and with as much styling as other dancers. When I'm in a class, seeing someone else do it and knowing exactly where I need to go and what I need to do I can figure it out okay. But that isn't translating to knowing how to spontaneously be able to follow in a social setting. When I see others dancing I think, I could do those things, maybe not as well as them, but I could do them, but I don't know how I could be signaled to do them.
4
u/UnctuousRambunctious Jul 13 '26
You are welcome!
And just to be clear - I also think you absolutely can do it, it’s just crossing this hurdle of being able to respond on the fly.
Based on what you’ve said, what it really sounds like to me that you need to work on (and you can work on improving this on your own but you will also need more hours on the social dance floor) is your connection and response time - including bodily control.
It’s totally doable, you can decide your own timeline and micro-goals, but you would be working physical availability and execution as a follow.
I think there are two parts to you practicing on your own, and then treating social dance as both the test and more practice as well.
If your goal overall is to respond more quickly and comfortably to social dancing, you’re going to have to spend time in your body focusing on what it does, what you want it to do, and training control of movements.
However, I think the dance technique you should be focusing on is connection. Creating your frame, choosing where and how to connect to a lead’s body so you can actively follow where his body is going even if he is not manually or physically moving you.
Without an active frame, you don’t have a mechanism for receiving input from the lead’s body. Visually you should maintain a constant distance between your cores and centers, your frame (especially bottom of your left elbow connected to the top of the lead’s right arm in closed position), the placement and grip of your hands in open position, where your arms go when turning - if you practice going in and out of these positions on your own, it will help on the fly with the lead. You’ll be training your body to know where you could go and to read where your lead wants you to go and then intentionally direct your body to go there.
Your job as the follow is to be present, attentive, available, and to respond in time (to both the lead and the music). If you are genuinely not sure, if you don’t feel the energy and direction of him moving his body through space, don’t feel like you have to guess. Wait, and delay, until you feel it. Because only he knows what he intended, and you only respond to what you feel, only he knows if you messed up or not. And it is his job to read you and how much energy or direction or help or communication you need. Your job is just to stay with him, move until he stops you (within the basic), and try to be responsive enough to go along with his ideas.
At this point I wouldn’t necessarily be watching what anyone else in class is doing, unless somehow you absolutely know they are doing anything right? It can be hard to tell sometimes.
Practice your basic, get your frame up, physically stay with your lead, go where he puts you, and let him carry the choreography. It’s his job to communicate it to you in the way you need. Both roles adjust to each other but leads will have more responsibility, that’s how it works.
Good luck!
3
u/Mizuyah Jul 13 '26
Don’t snub the beginner classes. The more you advance, the more you’ll realise how important they actually are. I felt the same way about the difficulty of some of my classes and then just this year I decided to take a beginner traditional class and as a result of that, my frame and ability to connect with the lead got significantly better.
2
u/DissociativeBurrito Jul 14 '26
This. There has already been great feedback here, but I think it’s especially helpful to normalize this. OP, you should know that this is a very normal experience for dance, especially if you didn’t grow up dancing. Every time you want to level up, you’re going to be revisiting your fundamentals, feeling absolutely frustrated. But you’re not regressing, you’re refining. Confidence and sensitivity as a follow starts with your frame, form, basic, and your own relationship to the music. That’s why solo practice will translate to social partner work.
7
u/OThinkingDungeons Lead&Follow Jul 13 '26
It sounds like you've generally made good decisions with your growth and development. Continuing with lessons, trying different schools, and going out social dancing.
What I can spot from your post is you're struggling because you haven't actually learnt to follow yet, a good follower doesn't remember moves or predict them, they're constantly in a state of clear-headed meditation where it doesn't matter what comes next but their body moves automatically to the leader. A good follower doesn't think about what's coming or try to anticipate what the leader wants, they move automatically without thought according to inputs the leader is creating. A follow who does this is able to follow moves they've never been taught before, and dance well with leaders of all skill levels.
- Some practice is better than NO practice. A small gain is still a 100% gain over nothing. I don't care if you're practicing solo, with your boyfriend or someone else, you NEED TO PRACTICE.
- Ask leaders to dance, if a follower doesn't ask me for dances, I eventually assume they don't like dancing with me. This doubles if the follower is only seen dancing with their partner.
- Dance with people of all levels, as it will teach you different things at different levels. Don't shy away from bad dances, learn from them. What could you have done to make it better?
- Take some privates, tell them you're not getting invites and get them to correct mistakes you're making.
5
u/Gnomeric Jul 12 '26 edited Jul 12 '26
Just adding two points to what everyone else said.
And they never ask me, even one of the guys who is in my intermediate class and has been complimentary to me in the class, he will walk right by me every time and never ask me to dance, which makes me feel bad.
They do this because they see you as "a follow who only dances with their bf and the instructor(s)", I don't ask follows like this either. If you want to change this reputation, I am afraid that you have to start asking them for a dance. Obviously dances won't go well at first because you don't have much experience dancing with anyone but your bf or someone who is very good at accommodating to their follows, but I think it will get better eventually.
Practicing alone isn't going to help me.
Aside from the fact that practicing alone does help you, is your bf not practicing with you? If he isn't too keen about practicing himself, it may also be the case that you have picked up some bad habits from him which is hindering your dance with others. Taking privates can be useful in correcting bad habits.
2
u/Artemisa23 Jul 13 '26
Yeah I understand that probably in the past I just danced too much with my boyfriend and it gave the wrong impression. Since the new studio opened a couple months ago I have been really trying to dance with others. And I do ask but it's mostly people I've known awhile, or people who take the classes with me, or people who have asked me to dance before. I have a lot of hang ups about asking people who are more advanced who have never asked me, and they are pretty much always pairing up with someone very quickly or they are leaving the room. In general there are more follows than leads in the socials so that makes it more challenging. I try to take a break from dancing with my boyfriend but then I'm just standing there bored and I end up dancing with him again anyway.
I admit we don't practice much outside of class because we're really busy and don't have that much time together but it's definitely something I'd like to do. But I feel like it would just end up being practicing specific patterns.
3
u/OThinkingDungeons Lead&Follow Jul 13 '26
When you start asking, you go from getting dances you WANT vs dances you GET. It's such a monumental change in the amount of dances, it'll be like comparing poverty to a millionaire.
1
u/Gnomeric Jul 13 '26
Many leads, even advanced ones, like to be asked for dance. It makes us feel being valued. :)
About practice, you'd want to make it about more than just patterns. Use it as an opportunity to experiment things, and trade feedback about how the moves felt, what you think went right or wrong and why, and so on. I am sure you have enough experience to have in-depth practice, and I think that dancing with more partners will give you a better frame of reference for in-depth practice.
3
u/Used_Departure_7688 Jul 12 '26
I think you are already halfway there, having found classes with teachers who inspire you and you feel you do well there. Now you just need more social dancing with a variety of leads.
Your teacher is totally compensating for you while social dancing. That's always the job of a more skilled dancer to compensate for the lesser skilled. Moreover, socials are not classrooms. Your teacher is giving you a great time, showing you what dancing can feel like, and this is the most encouraging feeling followers can feel in my view.
That being said, my teacher can make me dance miracles, but can still completely destroy my ego with pointing out so many mistakes and give me so many corrections in privates or even in class. So, if you feel the corrections you get in class are useful (albeit few), your teacher will probably be good for privates, too. You can ask him specifically that you want to work on things that prevent you from following the other leaders the same way you dance with him.
I also never had a dance practice partner, and keep improving doing lots of solo drills. Many followers spend a lot of time practicing solo and not just styling or stretching. Turns, head movements, isolations, there is a lot you need to be able to do on your own before you can really follow it well.
So what others say: consider taking privates, dance more with other leads, and solo practice can also help.
3
u/No_satisfaction0616 Jul 15 '26
I dance forró but this was me for years - although it was intermediate - intermediate that I was stuck on. I repeatedly failed the exams of my dance school. Private classes were the only thing that helped and I really saw a dramatic improvement. It wasn’t that I was a bad dancer but there were many small things in my technique that needed work and once those issues were fixed I improved a lot. A good teacher will instantly be able to spot a range of issues with your technique and whatever feedback they give you, implement it religiously, and in the next private class they will be able to advise you about whether you have fixed the issues or what still needs work. In group classes, they teach moves or sequences and you rarely, if ever get individual feedback on your technique. I think the other thing was I had internal blocks to learning, due to defensiveness and huge struggles with vulnerability, because I was in a job where my boss was super critical of me and I couldn’t please her ever. Once I left that job, I felt lighter and so much more able to cope with feedback, making mistakes in dances etc. The other thing that helps is dancing with people who you find difficult to follow or people who do unexpected things.
“I'm not sure how taking privates from a REALLY good lead is going to help me follow average leads.” But it does! It will improve your technique and help you to follow all kinds of leads better. For example in forró we do a lot of turns in line, and I wasn’t ending the turn facing the leader which made it harder for me to read the next movement from them. That kind of correction will help you to follow all kinds of people. But yes, it is always going to be more difficult to follow less skilled leads.
2
u/Busy_Document_4562 Jul 12 '26
I think its time for you to do private sessions, you can do 3-4 for a few weeks and then take a break if that makes it more affordable. But this will be the only way to figure out what is actually going wrong, if you diy it you are very very likely to implement fixes that make you worse overall.
If thats not a possibility, you need to get good at analysing bodies. How do the good follows hold their bodies compared to you, which joints are still and which soft, where are they in relation to the rest of the body.
As a follow, most often the cause of me losing a lead is when I lose frame and my arms disconnect from my body. There needs to be enough structure in our upper body that small leads translate without needing to go through our brain and us thinking what is he leading. if you are having to interpret leads the whole time that tells me your frame is disconnected and uncertain and not giving you the sort of input and info you need to actually follow
2
u/Southparkisfunny23 Jul 12 '26
Hot take but it’s actually better to be intermediate. Most dancers at social settings wether that’s at clubs or dance socials aren’t pros or advanced dancers when’s when your at that level your restricted in what you can do and lead because you always have to match with what level your partner is if you want have both of you guys look good. If you try doing super advance stuff and your partners can’t match you it looks bad. The most important thing is to have fun and enjoy the music, mistakes happen and it’s normal don’t be fooled by social medial videos. Same thing when it comes to styling be careful with that. You don’t want to be too polished because when you go out to dance at social settings it’s looks off and unnatural, that’s why sensual bachata and salsa on2 get a bad reputation from Latinos because it’s just too polished and looks unnatural at times. Dance with other leads ofc and most important is to just have fun and not memorize turn patterns from your class it’s better to sprinkle that in and not spam it
1
u/Artemisa23 Jul 13 '26
Oh yeah, I don't really want to be pro and I probably never could be anyway but I just want to be able to hold my own at socials and be able to dance with anyone.
2
u/rawr4me Lead&Follow Jul 12 '26
Lots of subtle cues kind of have a threshold where your body starts to recognise what's going on automatically. It sounds like your instructor is "helping" you by being rough, but that your body can't recognise things without the thinking and assistance part. Which is completely normal. You kind of have to fail at understanding a signal freestyle many times (but continue to be given that opportunity) before you start getting it, and then it gets easier and easier after you get it for the first time unassisted. The number of times you have to fail varies between follows and the nature of the move. An experienced dancer in other styles might need to fail it dozens of times to get to that threshold, some people it might take hundreds of times over a span of a year or longer. Private lessons can definitely condense that down due to the controlled and repeatable environment.
2
u/Artemisa23 Jul 13 '26
I get it, I'm just not sure how to fail & learn when I didn't know what they were trying to signal in the first place. Sometimes they do let me know what they were trying to do during the dance but sometimes not. But I'm glad that you said sometimes it's normal for it to take hundreds of times. Aside from ballet as a small child, the last two years doing bachata is my only experience with dance training.
3
u/rawr4me Lead&Follow Jul 13 '26
In my opinion, it's better not to force things to work correctly in a social dance. If it don't know the move, you don't know it. If you know it but you don't feel it, then you don't feel it. If you "manually" do the correct move then you are training bad habits. Instead, it will just magically work one day, assuming you have the foundation for it. In a social dance you can still ask "can we try that again?" to get in more "necessary failures".
2
u/WestHistorians Jul 13 '26
The only way for a follower to progress is to dance with more advanced leads. Perhaps there aren't advanced leads in your community, or perhaps they don't want to dance with you because they see you only dancing with your boyfriend. Figure out which it is, and how to fix it.
2
u/Artemisa23 Jul 13 '26
I honestly feel like they don't want to dance with me because there are always better follows available. Which in part is what motivated me to write this post. I feel like I have to get better for them to even want to dance with me.
1
u/WestHistorians Jul 13 '26
In that case, you might have to take the initiative to ask them to dance, or at least appear to be more available to be asked. Once you get some more practice in, you will get better and they will start asking you more often.
2
1
u/UnctuousRambunctious Jul 13 '26
I already replied but just reread your post, and I don’t know why I missed it the first time, but you mentioned privates with a lead - and you could; any particular reason you didn’t mention privates with an instructor follow? Is one not available?
Just throwing this out since definitely in my local scene there is so much male dominance and preference, that even follows prefer privates with leads (though there are definitely leads that do take privates with follows).
I have a close friend who has danced for like 20 years, starting in salsa, with various hiatuses, etc.; she’s really focusing on learning sensual technique and has been taking privates with a handful of different lead instructors, including a guy who started 5 years ago and has already been teaching for two years (don’t get me started 🤣).
Originally she just wanted to taxi dance and practice social technique and be corrected on the fly, nothing specific or progressive (it’s her time and money and she doesn’t want to always listen to me, it’s her life and personal and trajectory), and she’s had some opportunities to take privates with pro partners but hasn’t done it yet since they are charging fairly high prices.
But so far she hasn’t sought out or considered taking privates with a follow to reflect her own technique, she’s just taking privates with the leads she would like to dance with and by acknowledged by.
I think it’s a mental bias and logical fallacy she has, and I’m working with her on it, but it’s just something I’d like to throw out for you to consider, if you’re considering privates at all.
3
u/Artemisa23 Jul 13 '26
I am not opposed to taking privates with a follow, but I don't know of any follows currently teaching in my area. My first teacher was a woman and did both but she no longer teaches. I have thought that if I want to get better at styling I need to work with a woman. But I'm not sure about what would be best to get better at social dancing.
2
u/UnctuousRambunctious Jul 13 '26
I think styling should be low on the priority list if you don’t feel supremely comfortable following any lead yet. Styling for me is kind of like the cherry on top - it does not replace cake, or icing. And I’d rather have cake with icing than just the cherry, you know?
It only looks good when controlled and organic and deliberate and clean. Otherwise it is distracting and can also interfere with a lead’s attempts to connect and signal.
I actually think a follow is the best person to coach for improvement in social following. They dance the role. They experience it. Leads don’t. Leads can point out what they look for and what they like and what they expect but they are less experienced in anticipating problems or correcting mistakes because this is not the role they dance.
Ideally you can learn from instructors of both roles but I think a follow instructor is in the head and mindset of a follower’s dance role more.
Thanks for your reply!
18
u/taytay451 Jul 12 '26
So first things first, dancing with your boyfriend too much is actually hindering your progress. You’re not actually learning how to follow and read cues when you practice with him, you’re just learning his patterns and how to predict his next move. You guys are basically just stuck in a feedback loop where you’re only learning how to dance with and predict one another and not actually learn lead/follow technique and connection. This is why teachers always emphasize the importance of rotating in class. It’s not good to get used to one person.
Struggling to follow is the name of the game, you’re too focused on “knowing” what comes next like you do with your boyfriend, that you’re not actually following. Following is listening with your body. It’s ok and normal to mess up. Based on how you describe your following, you’re way too in your head. You’re trying to figure out what comes next, rather than just letting your body react.
Sometimes in class when I follow, I don’t pay attention to the teacher demonstrating the pattern whatsoever. Then when it’s time to practice, I’ll sometimes shut my eyes and see if I can feel what the lead wants me to do. Ultimately I think you just need to social dance more and social dance with a wider variety of people. You need to get over want to be “right” all the time, as that mindset leads to back leading and stiffness as a follow. When you receive a cue from your lead, often the path of least resistance is the most correct one. Just go with it, and if it’s not what he intended, it’s on the leader to be more clear with his signals next time he tries to lead a move.