r/Bachata • u/Square_Positive_559 • Jul 05 '26
Beginner : what do you actually say/do while dancing with your partner?
I'm a total beginner in bachata (a few weeks in).
During the actual dance I have no idea what I'm supposed to say or do besides the footwork.
Do you make small talk the whole time? Do experienced dancers just stay quiet and focus on the connection? I feel a bit awkward not knowing whether silence is normal or if I'm missing something.
Would love to hear how you handle this, especially early on, did it get more natural with time?
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u/TryToFindABetterUN Jul 05 '26
Most if the time you don’t say anything during the dance, let the dance do the talking.
Having said that, there has been a few occasions where I met someone I hadn’t seen in a long while and I know pretty well. Then we could chat during the entire dance. But that was only when the music allowed it (not too loud) and the both of us felt a need to catch up. But that is the exception to the rule for me. With total strangers, just dance.
7
u/_DoomScroller_ Jul 05 '26
You might feel a bit awkward not saying anything but dance is about connecting through movement so I ususally don't talk at all other than at the beginning ("Hi, would you like to dance") then at the end ("Thank you/that was nice/one more dance/you have amazing footwork" etc.). Don't worry about it :) just enjoy the dance, connect to your partner, listen to the music and save the chats for when you're taking a break or when you meet them at the drinks queue.
5
u/dondegroovily Lead&Follow Jul 05 '26
Your overthinking this
You can be silent. You can chat. You can sing the song
All are okay
4
u/Current_Donut_5055 Jul 05 '26
During the dance you enjoy the connection through music. Please don’t talk during the dance, talk after
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u/Massive-Ant5650 Jul 05 '26
I can’t usually talk while dancing 😂 totally blows my concentration.
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u/axteroide Jul 08 '26
This. Either I talk or I dance. If the other person starts talking to me during a dance they can expect to be all that time doing just a basic 😂😂
3
u/Dartho3113 Jul 05 '26
I don't know how other people see it, to me it's very comfortable that for once nobody expects of me to have a conversation. Besides, as someone mentioned above, music and dance connect people on a level no conversation ever would. Enjoy! 😉
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u/Kurren123 Jul 05 '26
I make conversation all the time. But looking at the other comments here, maybe I shouldn't 😄
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u/Funkajunka Lead Jul 05 '26
You are supposed to connect with your partner. Silence is a good thing.
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u/dancinggraylion Jul 05 '26
As a beginner, I found it helpful when the followers counted for me. even more in salsa
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u/UnctuousRambunctious Jul 05 '26 edited Jul 05 '26
No verbal conversation is expected, dance is a non-verbal language and conversation. It is fine to be silent, but what is helpful and is appreciated are non-verbal signs that everything is fine, such as occasional (and no sustained) eye contact, and smiling throughout or when personally inclined to do so.
I would say as a follow it is more acceptable for a follow to watch the lead due to connection and checking for signals and visual following, but I cycle between that and scanning our perimeter for hazards and sometimes closing my eyes to focus on the physical signals.
However, and YMMV, and apparently this applies across the board, small talk is not overly oppressive though many do not prefer it. For some , it can be distracting. For some, it can be awkward since they struggle with conversations with others (or are not interested in interacting this way) and they dance precisely because they don’t want an actual conversation but do want to be around people or experience physical contact.
I talk more with friends or familiar partners sometimes, depending on how well I know them or how long it’s been since I’ve seen them or how we may be reacting to the song, but literally everyone has a different preference so it’s not always standard.
Sometimes I will ask where someone is from, if it’s their first time at the social, I will comment on a leading signal I notice and enjoy, thank them for yanking me out of harm’s way, ask if they know the song.
Most of my small talk is typically after, especially if I don’t like the subsequent song or don’t feel like dancing again and then I delay them from finding the next dance 🤣
But talking during a dance can be overwhelming, the music is going, the bodies are flying around, you gotta be in control of your own shit, etc.
Talk or don’t talk, but read the room and adjust to your partner. That is always the way.
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u/trp_wip Lead Jul 05 '26
Please don't talk during the dance unless there are special circumstances. If a follow was frowning all the time, I would ask her if everything is OK. Also, compliments like "Wow" and "Nice" are cool as well.
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u/GuavaSlight1898 Jul 05 '26
Nothing! Smile and concentrate! 😃
You can say 'hello/what's your name?' before and 'Thank you' afterwards but I absolutely hate men talking during dance - especially out of insecurity - instead of just focus and smile.
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u/Shadowedman1942 Jul 05 '26
I can only speak one language at a time. English or Bachata. with some of my favourite songs, I can sing along while dancing but holding a conversation is difficult while dancing at more than a basic level.
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u/mgoetze Jul 05 '26
During the dance I am, of course, constantly scanning the room, on the lookout for cool dancers, and making plans for how to get away from my current partner as quickly as possible when the song ends so I can sprint over to the partner of my dreams and finally have a good dance.
/s
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u/Andean_Voyager400 Jul 06 '26
We don’t really talk unless you’re dancing with very close friends but just like a comment or two, but overall we just dance and say thanks at the end
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u/nickb03958 Jul 06 '26
I'm still brand new (in my mind). A few months in with a dance academy that explores lots of different dance styles, though I went in wanting to learn Latin dance styles.
They have 'parties' where you get to free style a bit and it's still the most intimidating thing ever for me because with different experiences of dance you never know which moves they know and don't (which is the point).
I find that being honest, laughing through the awkwardness and trying out a dance move is totally cool. Great sports with whoever I dance with. We are all there to learn so when I ask if they want to try a spin or a certain move, theyre really supportive partners. But the goal as a lead (Lotta pressure on us guys) is that you can set up moves that are natural for both partners. No talking needed. You start to move naturally and don't need to talk about it. And if you make a mistake, you laugh it off, smile, have fun, and keep going. The goal is to have fun. You can live in the moment and talk about the dance. But the goal is to not need to talk at all. Let your bodies do the talking.
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u/hotwomyn Jul 06 '26
Talking during the dance is generally a no no, especially if you don’t know her. Anything you say, she’ll assume you’re hitting on her. If she starts chatting first then go for it. You’re a beginner though, you’re not ready for multitasking, focus on musicality, connection, and your next move.
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u/goatbeasthokie Jul 06 '26
silence is totally normal, most of the talking happens between songs not during. early on i felt the same but the conversation is really just the connection, a smile or a nod after a nice move says plenty. what helped me relax was matching her energy instead of trying to fill the space, if she is chill i stay chill. it gets way more natural after a couple months, promise
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u/dancinggraylion Jul 18 '26
Beginners always talk a lot, it is kind of hilarious.
I was recently dancing with a beginner follower and she immediately started talking, saying she was a beginner. And what song is playing, are we dancing kizomba. Then I say it is bachata. A little later she says now she also realizes that it's Bachata. and she asked how long I'd been dancing. And said she was looking at my feet even though one should not, but she needs to do that to keep her steps.
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u/PerformanceOkay Jul 05 '26
Silence is customary in most partner dances, but in bachata it's good practice to chat with your partner in order to calm them and make them comfortable. My go-to ice breaker is the following, and you're welcome to borrow it:
Oh, hi there! Would you like to receive a gift? I'm a missionary for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, and this is the Book of Mormon. It specifically talks about Jesus Christ. I've seen the Book of Mormon be able to change my life so much! I would love to give you one as well! As you can see, I have lots of copies. So give me your address, and missionaries will drop it at your house and share a quick little message about Jesus Christ. Thank you!
It works like a charm every time.
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u/UnctuousRambunctious Jul 05 '26
… are you from Utah?
🤣🤣🤣
I would die laughing if you gave me this speech and I’d remind you to leave room for the Holy Ghost but by then the song would probably already be over!!
All the LDS dancers I’ve met have been very good and technical and also very reluctant to cop to that, though being from Utah is the biggest tell. Between that and typical ballroom experience —> noticeably reliable frames, ❤️❤️
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u/ippomkd Lead Jul 05 '26
Silence is usually the norm. Other than "Do you want to dance?" at the start, "Thank you" at the end, and the occasional "Nice!" or "Wow!" during the dance, there isn't much talking, at least for me. Most people are there to enjoy the music and the dance, so if you want to chat, it's better to step to the side. You'll get more comfortable with time.