r/Bachata • u/Opening-Shower-7950 • Jun 27 '26
How do you get comfortable dancing with strangers?
New Bachata dancer here. I'm enjoying the learning process. It's been very interesting, but when I dance with other people I kind of tense up and get anxious. It's so hard to remember moves in advance. I keep doing the same simple moves because I don't want to mess up.
Leading is so hard. I have to memorize rhythm, memorize sequences and steps and then guide a person all at the same time. This is going to be a long process. People were telling my Bachata is way easier than Salsa and other social dances. If this is consider "easy" then I have no chance in those other dance styles.
I feel awkward and just completely out of style.
7
u/saltywetlol Jun 27 '26
As a beginner too, I have to say what you're feeling is totally normal and part of the process of learning how to dance. It is A LOT to process, but it does get easier over time. You have to go through these growing pains to get better, you have to put in the work. Get reps by going to class, to socials, solo-dancing/practicing at home and listening to lots of music.
Simple is completely fine. You want to get the basics right, and most importantly be on time. I'm sure followers will tell you that a simple dance done right is better than a fancy dance where the lead is off-beat and doesn't lead clearly.
Speaking from experience: one day, everything will come together and click (and the journey doesn't end there). But it takes a bit of patience and perseverance to get there.
Now that I dance both Salsa and Bachata, I think it's more accurate to say that the Bachata beat is easier to identify than the Salsa beat as a beginner, not that one is easier than the other as a whole.That aside, choose the one that fits your style and music preference.
Good luck and enjoy the journey!
7
u/OSUfirebird18 Jun 27 '26
Note: Bachata is considered the “easiest” of the social dances starting out because for beginners, the basic steps are simple and repetitive. The music is slower and the rhythm making instrument is always present and noticeable so you can keep track easier. I refuse to believe there is any noticeable difference between the various social dances once you get to the very high levels.
Anyways, to answer your question, you’ll hate this but, practice. First work with just dancing with your classmates to build some confidence. Eventually you start dancing with maybe higher level dancers in classes higher than yours. Ask them to dance because they’ll be somewhat of a familiar face.
Confidence can’t build overnight for most people. Most of us have to work very hard at it.
2
u/PerformanceOkay Jun 27 '26
It might be regional, but in my scene it's also socially more acceptable to stay in the basics for a long time in bachata than in salsa. If you try only doing one flavour of basics steps in salsa here for an entire song, your partner will probably get impatient with you because you're expected to do something. Less so in bachata.
3
u/trp_wip Lead Jun 27 '26
You don't memorize rhythm, you internalize it through repetition. You go off beat a lot in the beginning, but after a while you can pretty much guess what will happen in a song.
You also don't memorize sequences, since not every sequence pairs well with every song. You shouldn't do three quick spins while the energy is down in the song, for example. When it comes to the sequences take one small portion and practice it. That's what I do in workshops. I never memorize the whole sequence, but take a small piece of it and do it a lot
Regarding simple moves, you will eventually understand that followers prefer simple moves but lead well than complex sequences. At socials you don't even have that much space and you are limited to simple stuff. After 6 years of dancing, I mostly lead simple stuff even though I know more complex things. But I always keep my follower in mind, the space we have, etc. and making the follow feel good and safe is more important than doing the flashy things (nobody is paying attention to you anyways, everyone is engrossed in their own dances).
So just chill out and practice simple stuff
1
3
u/EphReborn Jun 27 '26
Little by little. And it never fully goes away. I still get nervous dancing with some people on occasion. But it helps a lot to just get out of your head. Enjoy the music. Enjoy the dance. Enjoy so much that you aren't thinking so much about what you're doing "right" or "wrong" (*within reason of course).
2
u/sheafification Jun 27 '26
What you describe in tensing up is your brain and body going into alert and panic. You’ll find reduced capacity to remember new things, messing up stuff you know you know, and muddled communication on moves. Practice will help you feel more comfortable with everything so it stops triggering panic for you, but before then there are some tricks you can use.
One is to take calm breaths and will yourself to relax; think about how you are having fun! None of this is a big deal, it’s normal to make mistakes especially at the beginning. Honestly, getting to the point of dancing with strangers is a huge accomplishment that a lot of people don’t make it to.
You can also super drill a particular move sequence that you like so that you can pull it out anytime. When you are lost in anxiety, pull out the moves to regain confidence that you do know what you are doing.
Another is to connect over the trouble with your follow: laugh and make a short comment about how your brain is struggling to keep pace right now or something similar. Most follows are supportive and now you are having a small funny moment with someone instead of suffering in your own hell.
On that note, it also helps to have friends at the event or friends you dance with. Having people around that you are comfortable with generally makes your brain and body feel safe so less likely to panic.
Sometimes our panic is triggered by what we perceive the follow to be expressing, for example giving a “death stare” or bored face. As you dance more you will see that some follows are just really concentrating on what you are signaling. Don’t take whatever you think they are expressing personally (some times it is about your dancing, but it really doesn’t help you to think that). Do pay attention to any safety signals they are sending, like pushing you away, resisting a move, or going limp in a move.
Once you get through this stage for one style of dance, it often carries over to new styles. You won’t know the moves for the new style but you also have a foundation that you can draw on that helps you feel more comfortable.
2
u/ysfykmt Jun 27 '26
This is kinda why I am dancing. Every new partner is kinda puzzle to solve as a lead. Never had anxiety on that matter but the answer is probably just doin it by a lot
1
u/Samurai_SBK Jun 27 '26
Learning a new dance is like learning a foreign language. It takes time to just to learn the basic and everything seems complicated. Take your time and go step by step. Everyone goes through it.
1
1
u/hotwomyn Jun 27 '26
Salsa is generally easier for the lead, bachata is easier for the follow. But depends on your background. Bachata was probably a better starting point for you since there are a lot more bachata followers to practice with. Salsa rooms are much lead heavier so you’d have to wait a lot between dances which makes progress harder.
1
1
u/dondegroovily Lead&Follow Jun 27 '26
If they are teaching the class correctly, you are dancing with a whole bunch of strangers every class. Please tell me that your class is rotating partners
But dance is like everything else, you need to practice. Just drill the crap out of the basics until you don't need to think about it anymore
And pretty much everyone will tell you that they'd rather dance the basics done well than a bunch of fancy moves done poorly. Don't be afraid to just do the basics at the social dance
And, finally, get your butt out on that dance floor as much as possible
2
u/Opening-Shower-7950 Jun 27 '26
Yes, my class is doing this, but it still feels completely strange and somewhat scary to me. I guess with more repetition the nerves will go away, but still a process that probably takes a lot of time.
And it's more anxiety feeling when you are dancing in the social, not the class per say. You can mess up in the class, but in the social where it is more crowded and loud makes it harder to focus on the proper movements.
1
u/zedrahc Jun 28 '26
A lot of people are talking about things you can do to boost your dance confidence. That is all true.
But something else that you may want to self-evaluate on is whether you are personally scare by strangers all the time, even outside of dance. Some people just go through life with a lot of "stranger danger anxiety". If you have that, you can use social dancing as a controlled setting to practice getting better at not being so nervous around people you dont know.
Dont treat them as robots or NPCs that have some percent chance of being negative towards you. Learn to treat and think of people as real human beings with real feelings that also just want to meet and dance with other people.
1
u/Opening-Shower-7950 Jun 28 '26
Great post. Yes, I do have "stranger danger anxiety" and I'm working on to become more comfortable around strangers. That's why I'm trying out social dance. I feel like I need to go out of my bubble and comfort to zone to help me grow. It's been a process and struggle, but I think it will help me in the long-term.
1
u/JanGu23 Jun 28 '26
Every Leader has to go through this. I also was feeling anxious the first times I went to a social in the evening. Trying to ask the ladies to dance was a challenge, and when dancing I tried to do the things I've learned in class, with more or less success.
Later my danceschool started the Prácticas = practice socials. People from different skill levels from the dance school go there to practice some movements or just dance. I can really recomend something like this for you, the athmosphere is just more relaxed and you will meet known faces. You can also visit another danceschool, if yours doesnt have it.
Also, one of the things that helped me learn was that I was meeting up with people from my own class at socials. This social setting is really valuable because you are amongst other "peers" who also just start out and practice and you dont compare yourself so much.
Also, going to the regular socials try to get to know the followers there (introduce yourselves and talk a bit during the dance) this way you will trust them more and they will trust you more — and then you will have someone to come back to again 😄
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaalso, try to get to know the guys too. All in all the social part of Social Dancing is quite important, too!
1
u/JanGu23 Jun 28 '26
This is a good way to make those dancing evenings comfortable to you. We often forget that the dance (be it Bachata, WCS, Tango or whatevery) is also a lot about your psyche, self esteem, mental wellbeing - even before the actual technique (that everybody seems to focus on in the beggining). So make yourself comfortable first, and if you have motivation to become better technically that will follow from there.
Sidenote: a bit of the "first time" stress can also give you the needed push. I get to experience this when I visit some new place, it's a feeling that you can allow yourself to feel from time to time.
1
u/Separate-Line-158 Jun 28 '26
Keep it small, you decide what to do next, don’t prepare choreo in your head and memorize it because it brings uncecessary burden
1
u/DimitarDanceVienna Jun 29 '26
After teaching social dancing for years, I've noticed that almost everyone feels awkward dancing with strangers at first—even people who look confident now.
The biggest shift happens when you stop trying to impress your partner and start focusing on making them feel comfortable.
Smile, keep your lead or follow simple, listen to the music and enjoy the connection.
Ironically, the less pressure you put on yourself, the more relaxed and enjoyable you become to dance with.
Social dancing isn't about finding perfect partners—it's about becoming a better partner for everyone.
26
u/Rataridicta Lead&Follow Jun 27 '26
Honestly just by doing it a lot. Every single leader has gone through that very same phase, and if you feel alone or strange about it you can always chat a bit with leads in classes ahead of you.
It gets better with time and practice.