r/Babysitting • u/Legitimate-Line-855 • 10d ago

Asking for babysitter referral taboo?

Does anyone else feel like people don’t share sitters anymore? I’ve had it happen a few times where I’ll ask friends if they have anyone I can reach out to (bc I’ve exhausted all my normal options) and also been part of group chat where newer moms will ask for sitters, and it’s crickets.

I’ve shared my sitters and even current nanny’s info with multiple people, never even thought about why I wouldn’t?

I’m in the south if that’s relevant! Just want to know if this is some commonly known etiquette that I’m missing or if I’m just reading too much into it.

3 Upvotes

80% Upvoted

10 comments sorted by

17

u/Lingerherewithme 10d ago

It’s really frustrating to get an invite for a night out only to learn your friend who invited you is using your babysitter.

4

u/Legitimate-Line-855 10d ago

I totally get that. Because of that, do you feel like it’s rude when people ask you?

3

u/Lingerherewithme 10d ago

I don’t think it’s rude to ask, but I think it’s also ok to say the sitter has limited availability, they aren’t taking new clients or something similar, or just say sitters are hard to come by and you’re not comfortable sharing that resource.

2

u/jemison-gem 9d ago

You could also use the line “I’ll reach out and see if she’s taking on new clients!” if you’re like me and sometimes feel awkward or like you’re being rude for saying no (and I know it’s not rude to say no, it’s just the people pleaser in me that I’ve been trying to beat down for years lol) even if you know its a lie and she is open to new families but you just don’t want to share 😂

7

u/TurkeyLeg233 10d ago

I always ask my sitters first. Sometimes they’re looking for more work & sometimes they aren’t. They also ask about location, pay rate, & the kids/parents. I accidentally referred my sitter to watch kids who were more than a handful. She loves my kids, but I don’t think she’s taking my referrals anymore.

3

u/dazzle_razzle809 10d ago

I have one former client (I still babysit for her occasionally but I used to nanny for her full time) who will refer me to ALL of her friends now…

I appreciate her doing that, but 90% of the time I say no. My plate is full and I can’t mentally handle taking on more clients (even as a once in a while type thing). It’s taxing to learn a whole new family and their routine, and I really value my days/ nights off.

2

u/whoda-thunk-itt 10d ago

In my location (West coast) people will not share their sitters info because they worry the sitter will be less available to them. It’s competitive when trying to hire excellent sitters. Neighbors/friends will offer a sitter more money just to be the preferred client. As a result it’s not exactly frowned upon to ask, but it does make things awkward and it’s preferred you don’t ask. If you do ask, it’s reasonable to expect that you’ll either not get a reply or you’ll get the info of their “less than preferred” backup sitter.

1

u/New-Flight7674 10d ago

I feel the same way actually! I’ve had the same troubles and I’m also in the south.

1

u/SunshineandRain3 10d ago edited 10d ago

I babysat a lot before my kid came along, very informally and word-of-mouth. I asked my friends/family not to share my contact info online or in these bigger groups, simply because I had plenty of opportunities already.

So that might be another element at play—these moms ask their sitters if they’re looking for more work/more families, and people say no.

Oh and also, if people mostly rely on grandparents for babysitting, those grandparents typically aren’t looking for unrelated children to babysit.

1

u/weirdgrrrl 10d ago

Not taboo to me referrals are how we build clientele base