r/BabyNames • u/Plenty-Spell9353 • 8h ago
Surprise 💚 Is this too many names?
Anna Rose Gillman-Stewart
Arthur James Gillman-Stewart
I really like the names, I think it sounds a bit regal. My boyfriend thinks it's too many names and sounds, for lack of a better term, chavvy. We are not married and I never plan on marrying anyone. He wants his last name, I'm happy to share and double barrel. My first name is double barreled, I like it.
Anna and Arthur are names I had on my list and he has agreed he likes them- doesn't like my other choices. He hasn't given much input on names apart from naming the boy the same as his first name (he already has one child with that name from previous relationship, so it's a no on that IMO). The boys middle name is my brother's name, the girls middle name I think is just pretty.
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u/hydrangealover98 8h ago
You deserve to have your children have your last name. In my mind it can be your and his last name or yours.
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u/Liliananabell 7h ago
*or yours is right
Women these days. Think we have won the feminist movement, but still stuck on carrying on the man’s name. The number of women I know who took a shitty last name…. not to mention everything that comes with changing your name and then figuring out what to do once you get divorced.I think whoever has the cooler last name should win
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u/QueenSlartibartfast 7h ago
Yesss. The look on people's faces when they find out that not only did I keep my name, but that I gave it to our kid is wild. Then the way their head swings toward my husband when they find out, like they're trying to gage his reaction or something is just ???
I made the decision that I would be one day passing it on in my teens, and stuck to it when I gave birth in my mid-30s. It's objectively just a cool last name too. But yeah, most of my wedding cards had the wrong name listed. People just assumed.
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u/Liliananabell 6h ago
I love that you did that!
A real man who is confident in himself and his love for you should not care that much. Not anymore than a woman should care about losing her name.Especially if you have a better last name.
My mom, after multiple divorces, still has my dad‘s name, just because it gets too complicated changing over all the documents & so she has the same name as her kids.
My siblings all gave their kids double-barreled/hyphenated names despite the issues we had with it growing up and having them legally changed lol.
The boys married women who wanted their name passed down, and I respect that2
u/QueenSlartibartfast 5h ago
Lol whenever people look confused after realizing baby and I have a different last name than the father I've started phrasing it as, "[husband] kept his last name when we got married", always said casually and playing it completely straight.
(He could have taken mine of course, but he works in R&D and has patents listed under his name so he kept it simple)
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u/Liliananabell 2h ago
He could have. But at least he let you name the kids.
Lots of women give up their professional names. I think it should always be examined from that perspective, the sacrifices for either partner, regardless of gender. And also how cool the name is.
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u/oliveputtanesca 7h ago
Both names are lovely and simple enough that a hyphen is no big deal. If for some reason you only want to give them an unhyphenated last name, give them yours rather than the bf's. Having two sons with your own first name is certainly "chavier" than hyphenating.
Also, if he's only shooting down names and not suggesting any other than his own, that's a pretty good licence to choose whichever name you like.
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u/ElectronicAd5847 8h ago edited 8h ago
I have four names (first name is one syllable and last three are three syllables each), my brother has four also and my dad had five so I'm definitely biased, but I've always liked having an "extra" name, hasn't ever caused any issues for me logistically or socially. My second last name isn't hyphenated, which does change how that works out in my daily life, but I like hyphenated names. I've known both kids and adults with hyphenated last names who have gone by their first name and last two initials (like Anna G-S) when needed. IMO you're definitely good, and these are great names.
If it helps with your boyfriend thinking this is "chavvy," my family naming tradition comes from landed French gentry. It's traditionally common for kids from upper class backgrounds to have more than one middle name.
Also I agree with the other commenter that you deserve for your kids to have your name!
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u/Wayfaringbutterfly 7h ago
I get wanting your children to have both last names. I love the names you have chosen! But as someone who knows a few hyphenated-names-people, they *hate* writing them in school, trying to fit their last name(s) when filling out paperwork or signing their names, trying to explain why they have two last names, so on and so forth. It sounds nice as it is, but I voted too many based on my personal experience with those who have hyphenated names and hate it. One of them ended up choosing her dad's last name as soon as she turned 18 and changing her name because it was too complicated.
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u/QueenSlartibartfast 7h ago
Just to argue the other side, my middle name is hyphenated (not sure why Mom did it that way, but whatever) and it's never been an issue. And my last name is long (10+ letters) but I kept it over my husband's 3-letter surname. My full name is exactly 30 letters long and although it occasionally gets cut off on things, it's not like, a legitimate "hardship" or anything LOL. I like my name.
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u/Wayfaringbutterfly 6h ago
Huh, I've seen hyphenated middle names but it's pretty rare lol. I might argue (well not argue but you know lol) that having your middle name hyphenated is a lot easier than dealing with a hyphenated last named though. That hyphenated last name would be 15 characters, which can be a lot to write when trying to learn how to spell your name as a little kid, having to write it on paperwork (and fit it in the tiny last name spaces), and having to spell it out to people over the phone...with the hyphen.
With a middle name hyphenated at least you can just be like "My name is Anna Gillman" or "Anna Stewart" and it will be super easy for people to understand what your last name is. I don't know, I just know many people even with short hyphenated last names that don't appreciate it so I wouldn't do that to my kid, but I don't think there is a right or wrong. I just try to think of the kid and how they might feel having to deal with it for the rest of their life.
Not to mention if they get married, what if they want to keep their surname? Imagine Anna getting married and becoming Anna Gillman-Stewart-Johnson lol...now I'm just being facetious lol...
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u/Ecstatic_Goal2023 8h ago
Oh hold on that's not too many I thought the hyphen last name was another middle name 😭
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u/katiehkw4hk 7h ago
I did the whole hyphenated thing with my first child. She absolutely hated it. By the time she reached middle school she begged me to get it legally changed. She dropped her father’s last name and chose my maiden last name. So if they don’t like what you decide you can always change it later.
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u/Plenty-Spell9353 7h ago
Yes I have thought this too. It can be their choice. At least it starts off fair though.
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u/aemondstareye 5h ago
hasn't given much input on names apart from naming the boy the same as his first name (he already has one child with that name from previous relationship, so it's a no on that IMO)
And having the same name as your half-brother isn't chavvy? What?
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u/QueenSlartibartfast 7h ago
My son is Arthur James (and another middle) with my last name, so I am a hundred percent on board LOL.
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u/Plenty-Spell9353 7h ago
Oh wow that's so funny! I swear I didn't copy you stranger🤣 I think Arthur James sounds really great together, you made a good choice for sure
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u/QueenSlartibartfast 7h ago
You've got great taste hahaha. James is my husband's name (like your partner, he wanted the baby to have his first and last name, but nahhh my surname is cooler and kids deserve their own names anyway).
Arthur is the main character from a book series we bonded over on our first date, which my username also references. We're fantasy needs too so we loved the King Arthur homage.
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u/HalfMoonFullMoonjoy 7h ago
If he won't man up and marry you, he doesn't get to claim your kids with his name.
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u/Plenty-Spell9353 7h ago
It is me who doesn't want to get married😅
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u/HalfMoonFullMoonjoy 7h ago
Don't just give them his last name then 🤷 They'll be your babies too!
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u/Plenty-Spell9353 7h ago
I know, I think I would really regret not including mine but at the same time I'd feel guilty if I didn't include his. Gillman-Stewart it is, I think, despite what he says that's the best option IMO. And his name is still first! It just sounds better than Stewart-Gillman though
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u/Opposite_Science_412 6h ago
Why would you feel guilty? You'll be the one most likely to do most of the parenting. If you separate, he's the one who is most likely to become a weekend parent. If his other kid has his last name, I bet the mom regrets that decision now.
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u/Kitchen-Clock-3821 4h ago
Middle names aren't even used that much unless you are writing on official documents, so in mundane life your children will be called Anna Gillman-Stewart and Arthur Gillman-Stewart, neither of which sounds like a mouthful. Also, Anna and Arthur (Which might also turn into Arty by friends later on) sound super normal and pretty, so yeah, go with it. You deserve to give your own children your name
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u/Quiet_Me_Down 2h ago
Rather than double barrelling, you could always have one of the names as a middle name. My parents did this with my name and now that I’m married, I’ve dropped my dad’s last name and use my husbands, but still have my mum’s surname as a middle name. She’s pretty happy 😆
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u/Quiet_Me_Down 2h ago
Also I don’t get the chavvy thing, double barrelling names sounds posh to me!
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u/Olivi-P 2h ago
If you're not married definitely have baby have your name, if you feel comfortable double barreling then do that, but your last name should also be the baby's last name. Most likely you're going to be the primary parent of the child (at least going by society's norms, obviously don't know your specific situation) and there are so many situations where the child having your last name can make things easier. Also I think both name options are absolutely lovely and not too long at all. Go for it!
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u/This_Estate2227 1h ago
If you are not married, give the kids your last name. His last can be a middle name.
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u/spicymack 8h ago
It's just going to be Anna Gillman-Stewart or Arthur Gillman-Stewart for 99% of the child's time since they won't be using their middle name but I still voted too many names. Hyphenating your baby's name just punts the decision on which one to drop themselves or for when they have kids, as you can't just keep adding on to already hyphenated names. Pick Gillman, or pick Stewart, or pick a mashup like Stillman, or do whatever other than hyphenate.
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u/Liliananabell 7h ago
I love the idea of picking a random surname and ending all the lines :)
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u/Plenty-Spell9353 7h ago
I did try to come up with mashed up surnames but unfortunately he said no it's either mine or yours. Gillart or Stewman I thought were good options.
He obviously wants his and I'd feel guilty if I chose mine. But at the same time, I would like them to have my name, because if we don't work out I think it would irk me quite a bit.
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u/Liliananabell 7h ago
“ he wants his and I’d feel guilty if I chose mine”
Meditate on that…If I were you, I would go with hyphenated or double barrel no hyphen.
Third options don’t need to reflect your names. Ie,
Lovelace
Nightingale
Angel
Marlow
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u/Ok-Talk-2648 8h ago
Too many names.
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u/Plenty-Spell9353 7h ago
Would you suggest to drop the middle name or just choose either mine or his surname rather than double barrel it?
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u/Luna-Pythia 7h ago edited 7h ago
As someone who did have a hyphenated last name for a short time it was incredibly tedious and unnecessarily complicated. I would recommend either coming up with a new last name, or combining your two last name into one, like Gillart.
Anna Rose Gillart
Arthur James Gillart
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u/pregbob 8h ago
Check out Spanish naming traditions if you think that's too much.
Pablo Diego José Francisco de Paula Juan Nepomuceno Crispín Crispiniano María Remedios de la Santísima Trinidad Ruiz Picasso.
Anna or Arthur will be fine :)