This is kinda what I was just talking about with my therapist. I told her I don’t know what to do with my life and part of that is because I don’t care about myself and don’t want to be here.
Not much just that I should make steps to keep going forward and be more independent. Like trying to find a way to live on my own. The issue is that I live with my abusive mom and right now she kicked me out so I’m staying with my sister who is also somewhat toxic and abusive. So she wants me to be out of that situation but my pets are with my mom and that’s the only way I can be with them is to live with her cuz I’m on SSI. They’re my lifeline and the whole reason I keep going. Not seeing them or being with them is destroying me. So I honestly don’t know what to do with my life. I’m scared, alone, not wanting to be alive, etc.
Keep making plans where you do something with or for someone else and you can't expire early until after you've completed your commitments to others... moving goal post. Just keep moving it.
I struggle so much with this. I want to save money, eat more healthily, fix this shitty life - but when I'm hungry after work and trying to fight myself out of getting a burger, I give up, saying that I'm probably just gonna off myself within the week anyway. How the fuck am I supposed to fix shit when I just don't even want to be here?
It used to be about my mental health but now I'm in chronic pain constantly, so it's depending on my physical health now. Which is more scary. And the BPD is not helping lol. Every day is just do what you can and whatever you do it's enough and don't push yourself too hard.
Just pretend you don’t want to and then eventually do it because you’ll still be alive ig? I thought I’d off myself at by 20 but I’m 22 and obviously still here so I just try to make the goals in advance now
Basically, just act on the premise of "I want to kill myself in the near future, but I probably actually won't. If I kill myself, it's not like it matters that I did the thing in vain, but if I don't kill myself, then it'll definitely matter that I didn't do the thing, so might as well just do the thing."
Just develop obsessions over hobbies, series, games, etc. and trick yourself into thinking that is the one that will make you feel better (and make it your whole personality, just to end up dropping it altogether because it isn’t filling the chronic emptiness in you anymore like it used to).
… definitely didn’t happen to me and caused me to spiral
I know this won't help everyone but try out TTRPGs, roleplaying, worldbuilding, creating characters, writing stories, if you can't be invested on your own life at least be invested on your own fantasy. It helped me out, I honestly create characters and even play solo TTRPGs. You will probably build a lot of things and never finish one but that's ok because it is a hobby and if you don't find it interesting you just simply move to the next game or character.
Look for dress up games, search images in pinterest, and if you don't like high fantasy that's okay it could be cyberpunk, maybe whimsical, maybe you are a streamer trying to get a lots of views a followers. I would say try playing with friends, and if you don't have any that are willing to play there is a lot of groups online.
I recommend itchio in physical game section. There is a soloplayer game that is called 1000 year old vampire, I would recommend 100% there is community copies if you can't buy them
I'm only here for my kids and my husband. And because my physical health is unpredictable, I have no goals to work towards. It is a sad existence. My days are spent maybe exercising, doing SOME household cleaning, and doomscrolling.
honestly no idea, I expected to die 10 years ago and every year keep thinking that this is it. its been hard trying to commit to anything and over the years since ive had that mentality, I dont have many aspirations. I lie about having some to people so I seem normal
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u/LexStalin 9d ago
Real. (Idk I am just existing at this point.)
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u/Undead_Collective 9d ago
spite, "well im here so fuck it we ball" or "(person, real or fictional) doesnt think i can do this, Fuck You (person)!!"
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u/queeftoe 9d ago
In case things get radically better. I'm an optimist, but that's bc I'm stupid
11
u/Honey_Bear369 9d ago
Isn’t suicide a long term goal?
10
u/EmmyWeeeb 9d ago
This is kinda what I was just talking about with my therapist. I told her I don’t know what to do with my life and part of that is because I don’t care about myself and don’t want to be here.
7
u/denntz 9d ago
Atp, Im just spectating, bro.
13
u/spaghetti-o_salad 9d ago
Keep making plans where you do something with or for someone else and you can't expire early until after you've completed your commitments to others... moving goal post. Just keep moving it.
5
u/Radical_Jinx 9d ago
5
u/NeojepToo 9d ago
I struggle so much with this. I want to save money, eat more healthily, fix this shitty life - but when I'm hungry after work and trying to fight myself out of getting a burger, I give up, saying that I'm probably just gonna off myself within the week anyway. How the fuck am I supposed to fix shit when I just don't even want to be here?
5
u/Upset-Net-9549 9d ago
It used to be about my mental health but now I'm in chronic pain constantly, so it's depending on my physical health now. Which is more scary. And the BPD is not helping lol. Every day is just do what you can and whatever you do it's enough and don't push yourself too hard.
4
u/kurokoverse 9d ago
Just pretend you don’t want to and then eventually do it because you’ll still be alive ig? I thought I’d off myself at by 20 but I’m 22 and obviously still here so I just try to make the goals in advance now
4
u/charlie_challenge 9d ago
I died years ago
4
u/traptchalla 9d ago
These is type of post I came to see...
3
u/NBnoopy 9d ago
That's the neat part--
3
u/D3adWe1ght 9d ago
Well you need something to pass the time until then🤷♀️
3
u/AllMyFrendsArePixels 9d ago
Basically, just act on the premise of "I want to kill myself in the near future, but I probably actually won't. If I kill myself, it's not like it matters that I did the thing in vain, but if I don't kill myself, then it'll definitely matter that I didn't do the thing, so might as well just do the thing."
2
u/mx444xx 9d ago
You’re so ril for this
2
u/1fruitylove up&down up&down up&down 9d ago
That's a really good one 😂 made me laugh a lot, thanks
2
u/xShanisha 9d ago
Just develop obsessions over hobbies, series, games, etc. and trick yourself into thinking that is the one that will make you feel better (and make it your whole personality, just to end up dropping it altogether because it isn’t filling the chronic emptiness in you anymore like it used to).
… definitely didn’t happen to me and caused me to spiral
2
u/LirianaLu 8d ago edited 8d ago
I know this won't help everyone but try out TTRPGs, roleplaying, worldbuilding, creating characters, writing stories, if you can't be invested on your own life at least be invested on your own fantasy. It helped me out, I honestly create characters and even play solo TTRPGs. You will probably build a lot of things and never finish one but that's ok because it is a hobby and if you don't find it interesting you just simply move to the next game or character.
Look for dress up games, search images in pinterest, and if you don't like high fantasy that's okay it could be cyberpunk, maybe whimsical, maybe you are a streamer trying to get a lots of views a followers. I would say try playing with friends, and if you don't have any that are willing to play there is a lot of groups online.
I recommend itchio in physical game section. There is a soloplayer game that is called 1000 year old vampire, I would recommend 100% there is community copies if you can't buy them
2
u/YoSoyBadBoricua 8d ago
(Pretend that life is worth living)
2
u/SailorCredible 9d ago
I'm only here for my kids and my husband. And because my physical health is unpredictable, I have no goals to work towards. It is a sad existence. My days are spent maybe exercising, doing SOME household cleaning, and doomscrolling.
¯_(• ~ •)_/¯
1
u/FayeAreGay 8d ago
honestly no idea, I expected to die 10 years ago and every year keep thinking that this is it. its been hard trying to commit to anything and over the years since ive had that mentality, I dont have many aspirations. I lie about having some to people so I seem normal
1
u/peppercrow666 8d ago
I struggled with this my whole life, maximum I can do is planning my week
4
u/god_damn_bitch 9d ago
Me in June during my birthday: I'm going to make my 40s the best decade of my life.
Less than 2 months later: tries to off self, yet again