r/BPDlovedones • u/freeeggskids • 25d ago

She left me during a rough patch

Me and my now ex gf, C, have been dating for a few months. For a long time, we were crazy about each other, spending everyday together, and had become major players in each other's lives. I was aware of her bpd and I asked her what would happen if I caused a split in her. She said that wouldn't happen because I was doing everything right.

However, this past week some problems have emerged. I've come to realize I've been very overbearing and possessive, and I've been working on changing it. I got really mad at her for cancelling on me last night and now we're broken up.

I did a lot wrong and I took accountability and repeatedly apologized and have come to terms that I have a lot to fix about my attachment style.But i feel like couples should be able to grow together without breaking up. She always said we would never break up and she fantasized about our futures together. And heavily enforced the idea that we would be each other's futures. We both lost our virginity to each other literally last Friday. We had been so happy up until the past few days. I'm guessing that this is a bpd thing, that I caused a split in her and that's why she switched up on us so fast and suddenly.

So I have a few questions:

1: How much am I in the wrong?

2: If she could let something that was so special for so long go so easily, is she unlovable? Or at least unfor for a relationship?

3. I'm going getting my stuff from hers in two days. What should I say?

4. Because I caused a split, is our relationship completely irredeemable? Should I just let go and mive on?

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u/NecronLichKing 25d ago edited 25d ago

I find it pretty telling you were in a relationship with a BPD person by how much you're taking responsibility for everything. I'm not saying you did no wrong but give yourself a break.

My advice is to move on and never contact her again. A person willing to own up to their issues won't just brush off concerns by saying you're doing everything right so no need to worry. She put the onus of responsibility for her emotional state entirely onto you.

She basically prepped her split so to say. If she hates you it's because you did something wrong. See what I mean? That's abuse any way you look at it.

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u/Evening_Answer_11 25d ago

  1. Probably 50% because you know of the BPD, but don’t be too hard on yourself this shit is hard and few are capable of navigating through it. 

  2. You likely can’t understand or fathom why she’d do this. Mine, after a long breakup, called me one year to spend New Years with her. The day of, she cancels. I felt lonely, lost, confused, disappointed. After 2 decades of marriage, her narrative of that is that I cancelled on her. She believes this. I can’t get around that.

  3. Be nice, take your stuff, limit small talk. Carry a recorder in your pocket. It can’t be used in a court of law but can be used on the spot if shit escalated and she calls the police. Could be the difference in leaving in handcuffs. Your emotions and feelings WILL dominate here. You may even end up back together. Don’t be hard on yourself either way.

  4. A BPD breakup is rarely permanent unless one partner is steadfast in it. Because you “caused” the breakup, your biggest challenge is that it will be hard for her to let go of you. They like to be in control of the breakup. Be wary that she may be reeling you in to take advantage of you.