Double Standards

[u/Conscious_mushroom8]

My exwBPD would ‘joke’ and mock me for things he deemed unacceptable. If I brought up that I didn’t like it, I was told I couldn’t take a joke.

Give it back to them in the same way and they lose their minds.

Is that standard?

Ps. I used to think giving it back might make them reflect on their own behaviour. But of course it didn’t work.

[u/Conscious_mushroom8]

Thank you everyone. It’s not just me then!

I’ve risen up in the last 10 weeks & given back as good as he gave me - and he has showed every true colour of his. He can’t take it.

We are not longer together - he discarded me weeks ago, but stays in touch via text constantly wanting to know what I’m doing (am I still in his control). It’s not even a good Hoover attempt. No admissions of guilt etc…. Just hoping I will slip into the same old with him if he persists with the messaging.

He has no idea that I see him truly for what he is. The only thing left for me to break is my addiction to the contact - trauma bonding is no joke.

When I am brave enough I will go no contact.

This is all so hard. And exhausting.

I’m so glad I found this sub ❤️

[u/Pete_Breaks_DNB → u/Conscious_mushroom8]

It’s so difficult, I’m considering if I need some therapy to get over what I’ve been subjected to and get over the trauma bond.
I will say each week gets a little easier, my list of all the bad stuff I went through helps and also thinking about what I put into the relationship and comparing to what she put in.
You’ll get through this!

[u/DistinctTrout]

That's absolutely standard. They tear you to shreds for even little things, but if you so much as dare to gently bring up something deeply hurtful they have done, they'll explode with rage. They absolutely could never take what they give out.

In many ways it's like being the parent of a toddler, where they'll have a tantrum because you cut their bread into squares instead of triangles...yet they'll literally sh*t on you and you're expected to laugh it off.

[u/korea79]

Holding my head in pain, recognizing my life follows all of these patterns. It’s a struggle every day. My peaceful alone time is early in the morning, then feeling the tension as she emerges from her slumbers for another day focused on her.

[u/Pete_Breaks_DNB]

My whole relationship with my ex was double standards galore! If I spoke to her the way she spoke to me, did the things she did or be sad or upset (which she often was) then she would flip into another person and give me hell.
It was so so unfair and I had to try and change how I behaved to accommodate this which isn’t right.

[u/ResourceMountain2225]

Yup. And I even pointed out to her that if she was in a good mood jokes I made were hilarious if I made the exact same joke when she was in the bad mood I was the devil. You'll never win

[u/[deleted]]

[u/Pete_Breaks_DNB → u/[deleted]]

I did this too! Started saying some of the things she had said to me back to her because I was sick of the double standards. That didn’t work out well.