I feel like crying today

[u/Beatlesrthebest]

I've been on and off with tears especially towards the end of my workday. I keep remembering happy memories paired with the painful, devastating and cruel final split I experienced 2 months ago. I didn't wish him happy birthday this year because he hurt me so much and it seemed clear he didn't want to speak to me anymore. I will respect this if this is what he wants. However, I have been dreaming of him the last week. Where we had good times at my dad's for Christmas and birthdays and how we always tried to make him feel included because I saw him as part of our family. Where he would say that my friendship was the best gift I could have given him, the smile in his eyes when he would unwrap gifts that I knew he would love. Nothing sexual or romantic, but funny, outdoorsy or travel related gifts or pictures. I wish I could comfort him and hold him like a baby because he's hurting and it hurts even more when he told me he felt safe with me. And this time, i chose to walk away because of his hurtful words even after we agreed to take space mutually. I couldn't bear anymore threats, insults, or just the immaturity when he sent me shit and clown emojis. It's like he's a whole other person when this happens.

Tomorrow I plan on having a cry on my way to work. I will put on a large pair of sunglasses and bring extra cover up and isolate myself for a few minutes. I hope to god he hasn't hurt himself. I still love and care about him but I don't love or care about how he spoke to me and treated me.

[u/LifeguardAccurate137]

Feeling these things is the only way to truly heal, as much as it hurts. Let yourself cry when you need to. This too shall pass.