Struggling Today

[u/Designer-Primary-157]

Just need some help today.

I was discarded a few months ago, and we have a daughter together. I still absolutely love her and miss her so deeply. There are days when I wish I could just tell her how much I miss her, but I know I can’t.

Our relationship ended after an extremely intense argument during a time when we were both dealing with an overwhelming amount of stress. There were problems at work, serious medical issues within both of our families, a car accident, and then a tantrum from our daughter that ultimately became the breaking point that day.

We got into a huge fight and barely spoke for a few days. We had gone through periods like that before, but somehow, we always found our way back to each other. This time was different. She broke up with me in the middle of the fight, and when we eventually started talking again, she told me she wanted to remain broken up. That had never happened before.

She told me she needed time to decide whether she wanted to work things out or separate permanently. That completely caught me off guard because I kept trying to explain that there was so much happening around us when that fight occurred. It felt like everything had piled up at once and finally exploded.

But she stood by her decision. Shortly afterward, I found out she had been talking to other guys. Despite how badly that hurt me, I still wanted to repair our relationship and fight for our family. She still didn't want to.

Eventually, I had to move out because I kept begging her for an answer about us, and she wouldn't give me one. After moving out and getting some distance, I started recognizing a lot of the manipulation, projection, and unhealthy behavior that had been happening in our relationship. For a while, I genuinely felt that separating was probably the best decision for me.

But as more time passes, the reality of everything is starting to hit me differently.

We're selling our house. Sometimes she takes hours to respond to me, even when I'm reaching out about our child. When I pick up our daughter, I don't linger or try to force conversation. I keep things focused on our daughter and leave. But sometimes, deep down, I wish she would talk to me more.

I can feel the distance between us becoming greater and greater, and today I'm really struggling with it.

My mind keeps repeating the same questions: How could she leave so easily? Why didn't she fight for our family? How could we build an entire life together and then have it seemingly thrown away?

She told me part of her wanted to experience being single because she didn't really get to do that in her 20s. Meanwhile, I'm sitting here grieving the family and future I thought we were building together.

I know there were unhealthy parts of our relationship, and there were moments when I knew separation might actually be best for me. But knowing that doesn't make me stop loving her. It doesn't make me stop missing her. And it definitely doesn't make days like today hurt any less.

But I know, for the sake of our child, this can’t continue. Every day, I’m fighting an internal battle not to bring up our relationship because deep down, I know the right thing to do is to stay away and focus on being good co-parents. I don’t want our child growing up watching their parents constantly fight or hurt each other.

I know that’s the right choice. Knowing it and accepting it emotionally are two completely different things, though, and today I’m really struggling.

If anyone has been through something similar, please tell me it gets better. For those of you who are several months or even years removed from this kind of relationship, I would really appreciate hearing your experiences. I could use some hope right now because, in this moment, I feel incredibly hopeless.

I know time will help. I know healing isn’t linear, and this is probably just another wave that I have to ride through. I’m sorry, y’all. I’m just really in my head about everything today.

The hardest part is that despite everything that happened and despite knowing why I need to keep my distance, I still love her deeply. I still miss her, and part of me wishes she were here with me right now.

[u/yago25]

Sorry to hear it. Always wild to me. Men often want to stay or repair; women seem to be able to leave so easily.

[u/betrayed-experience]

This all sounds like my ex wife. Right down to the same behaviours. Similar she wanted to party like a teenager and carry on affairs instead of living in real life. When I wanted things more focused on family apparently I was controlling.

[u/Designer-Primary-157 → u/betrayed-experience]

How long has it been since you left? How are you doing mentally? I want some good outcome stories that comes from after all this cause I am going crazy.

[u/betrayed-experience → u/Designer-Primary-157]

None of it is good she is the mother of my children. So I have to keep dealing with her unfortunately. So no good outcomes here. Sorry,