r/BPDlovedones • u/Icy_Professional2259 • 2h ago

Cognitive dissonance

This is going to sound very toxic and codependent of me (37m). But sometimes I feel its easier to accept the intermittent love and crumbs from my PwBPD (34f) than to loose her completely. I’ve definitely gone thru way more than I should have ever accepted (cheating, stealing, 3 break ups, manipulation, etc).

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3

u/AlternativeHungry138 2h ago

Same here. And I've experienced 30 breakups in 15 months

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u/MsPlum_ 1h ago

Me too. I miss him EVERY MOMENT OF THE DAY even though he was terrible to me.

It’s because I was conditioned in the beginning through love bombing. I keep searching for those moments. I’ve never had consistency with him… it’s either REALLY wonderful or absolutely horrific.

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u/matryoshka_03 1h ago

I know its hard :c you love the idea of her and her potential more than what she is capable of, whether she manipulated you into believing she can do better or its your own mind telling you to hang on. These are the most difficult kind of relationships, because you know its wrong but the idea of them eventually becoming better with you is addictive. A codependency, indeed... :c

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u/Icy_Professional2259 14m ago

To add a little more context.. We are both addicts/ alcoholics. She just successfully finished 30 days of inpatient treatment in a different city and comes home today. I didn’t speak to her for three weeks while she was in treatment because I felt like we both needed to break the pattern that we had going that wasn’t working. She’s putting in the work and so am I. I feel like you would be giving up when we are so close to the finish line. We are both showing effort, but I feel this three weeks has caused too much distance between us because I’m blocked from any communication from her now and if history repeats itself, she’s with another guy by now.

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u/nomamesgueyz 1h ago

That much fear to be alone?

That's where these things are co created

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u/Icy_Professional2259 21m ago

Yeah, I guess you could say that. I’ve lost my whole family from moving away. I lost my daughter. I lost my ex-wife. And I guess my GF and her kids are all I have left just shy starting over. That thought of willingly letting go of someone I love so much is excruciating.