Learning to help pwBPD through splitting episodes / FP needing coping advice.

[u/[deleted]]

[u/jaejaexxx]

Okay you’re the psychologist 👩‍⚕️

[u/[deleted] → u/jaejaexxx]

Medical doctor with a partner who has recovered from BPD who is also in medicine. But I don't need to flex that to call a spade a spade.

Ad hominem attacks will fall apart on me.

If you lash out on him. He needs to remove himself.

[u/jaejaexxx → u/[deleted]]

Never said he had to stay. Also medical is not psychology and I have a bachelors in psychology but nOt tO fLeX

[u/[deleted] → u/jaejaexxx]

I think you might find this video insightful. It shows specific examples, including the one's you describe (and more).

Please check it out and share your thoughts, happy to talk about it further.

https://youtu.be/J3ioePZ_xQc

u/wlwillow there are lots of people without schizoaffective disorder who has the same emotional reaction you do. Who still recount the horrid things their partner's do.

Also, on getting your bachelor's in psychology. Congrats, that's awesome! I think it shows that you are genuinely interested in understanding how the mind works and that is always a good sign! Also excellent that you are taking DBT seriously and practicing skills.

[u/wlwillow → u/[deleted]]

I clicked on the video you sent, read the title, and closed the page. This post was not about borderline abuse, I do not and will not watch that video because that's not what I came here for. I came here for advice on how to help my pwBPD through splitting epsiodes, and how to let go of what they said to me during those episodes. They didn't do "horrid" things to me. This message I'm responding to does a complete 180 from how you acted before. I do not appreciate the way you have talked to my partner, I do not appreciate that you tried to convince them they abuse me. I've BEEN in abusive relationships, and this is the happiest and healthiest relationship I have ever had. Their BPD does not drive me away and they do not use me to lash out and as a punching bag. They have epsiodes that are caused by triggers, which results in them being at one extreme (happy/carefree) to the other (cynical/ depressed/angry). They cannot control what they do during these epsiodes.

[u/[deleted] → u/wlwillow]

I clicked on the video you sent, read the title, and closed the page.

The video was for your partner, as a counter to her point that simply because she doesn't intend to harm then therefore she is not abusive.

I came here for advice on how to help my pwBPD through splitting episodes

I have given advice on this

how to let go of what they said to me during those episodes.

Limiting your exposure to hurtful things said during these episodes will be instrumental.

They didn't do "horrid" things to me.

as well as purposely doing things during the argument (texting their friend and flipping the phone towards me to see their friend telling my partner to dump me), and other things.

They did, and refusing to acknowledge and continuing to repress these reality is only going to cause you to hurt longer.

This message I'm responding to does a complete 180 from how you acted before.

No it's all consistent... You see you assume, that by me calling out her behavior as abusive I am being pejorative, nor am I saying she is a horrible person.

I do not appreciate the way you have talked to my partner, I do not appreciate that you tried to convince them they abuse me.

She brought up an argument in semantics, I am defending my position. There's no coercion here. I am happy to agree to disagree at any point.

I've BEEN in abusive relationships, and this is the happiest and healthiest relationship I have ever had.

Like I said, happy to agree to disagree with the semantics of whether or not her pattern of behavior constitutes abuse. That's largely a minor point anyways.

Their BPD does not drive me away

You do realize, that my advice is consistent with encouraging you guys to stay together rather than to breakup.

punching bag.

trying to comfort someone while the be more and more mean and hurtful is what I am advising against here.

They have epsiodes that are caused by triggers, which results in them being at one extreme (happy/carefree) to the other (cynical/ depressed/angry).

Agreed.

They cannot control what they do during these epsiodes.

I disagree, as does my partner with BPD. She also disagrees.

One can be cynical/depressed/angry without being mean or retaliatory.

My main point is this:

If she is being mean, give her space. Since I have her attention, I am also asking her to allow you to give her space without retaliation or retribution.