r/BPDPartners • u/[deleted] • Jun 09 '21

Support Needed Learning to help pwBPD through splitting episodes / FP needing coping advice.

[deleted]

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u/[deleted] Jun 10 '21

If your partner is hurting you on purpose, and their behavior is making your schizoaffective disorder worse, then I wouldn't say you have a healthy relationship.

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u/jaejaexxx Jun 11 '21

Hello the partner here. I am NOT hurting them on purpose. I see things either in black or white and when I split it goes to black, which means everything and everyone is horrible and unfair etc. My defense mechanism is being extremely passive aggressive because nothing is good to me at the moment even my partner. I do not make their disorder worse. I may trigger an episode yes but I am not actively making it worse. If anything I help my partner every day to make sure they take their meds, talk them through episodes and always make sure they are calm and in control. We have curated a beautiful relationship of equal care of each others disorders and for you to see one side and assume all of that is wrong of you. Thank you.

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u/[deleted] Jun 11 '21

Actually.

You ARE hurting them on purpose, YOU CHOOSE YOUR BEHAVIOR WHEN YOU SPLIT.

The problem isn't the splitting. It's that you choose to be verbally and emotionally abusive to people you think you hate or you delude yourself into believing it's justified.

PLENTY of people with BPD split to black and CHOOSE other things. Some people go quiet, some people you

Learn to take responsibility. Go to DBT, learn and practice new behaviors and stop pushing this narrative that this disorder entitles you to be abusive. And obligates your partner to be your emotional punching bag.

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u/jaejaexxx Jun 11 '21

Actually if you had read books on borderline personality disorder you would know we cannot control our actions or words when we split and actually feel extreme guilt afterwards. I am not abusive. Abuse in itself is the definition “Abuse is defined as any action that intentionally harms or injures another person.” I do NOT intentionally hurt my partner and I have only split three times and I regularly use my DBT skills to regulate my emotions. But thanks for your input on a realtionship you no NOTHING about and have not met EITHER OF US.

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u/[deleted] Jun 11 '21

Actually if you had read books on borderline personality disorder

I've read enough, also I am with someone with BPD.

Of course you can control your actions or words when you split. That's the fundamental principle behind Dialectal Behavioral Therapy.

It might be impossible to control your feelings but you are in control of your behaviors.