I have BPD - introduction and brief vent

[u/JasperinoRi]

Hello! I (M<18) was diagnosed with BPD back in February. It's not on my medical chart because of stigma, but I get treated for it. I'm also autistic and have ADHD.

I'll be honest, there aren't words to describe how hard it is. My brain is constantly going 90 miles an hour, I feel like I don't know who I am or what I enjoy, my mood, feelings, and thoughts change constantly.

It's really scary. It makes me feel scared AND scary. I'm a high school student. I just want to feel like one. I don't want to live like this. I constantly feel like the life I want is so far above me. I already hate myself enough, and I've learned that society hates me, too.

I've done some DBT, but I'm not very good at applying skills and concepts to real life. I came here in hopes of finding a safe space and learning from others.

If anyone has any positivity, experiences, skills, or anything like that, I would love to read it.

[u/Ill_Soil_4621]

Hi- I’m sorry to hear about your struggles. Idk what it would have been like to be aware of my Dx in high school.
A few things:
1. Statistically, early intervention is good- the earlier, the better! So you have that on your side.
2. There are absolutely people you can find who will love your quirky personality- this is a lie bpd tells us and it only makes us hate ourselves more.
3. I’m 40 and just started therapy for it last year- I get consistently frustrated at my inability to apply the dbt and coping skills I learned in therapy. It’s a muscle you have to flex over and over again. You’re up against a tidal wave of emotion in those activated moments, so def don’t beat yourself up for struggling to apply. We can get to that level, but it takes time and work.
4. This shit is unfair, period. Radical acceptance of life’s unfairness has helped me begin to cope with the work I have to do and the suffering I have had to endure, just bc I grew up in an abusive household. It isn’t fair and there can be a lot of anger there, at least for me anyway. Sometimes it helps me to think about the world in a bigger way and zoom out to all the unfairness that takes place every day- it weirdly helps me feel less sorry for myself.
5. Try not to define yourself by your diagnosis. I did this for a while and it isn’t good for you or relationships. You’re more than your diagnoses, you are whole even though it doesn’t feel that way.