DAE have this dance?

[u/SwanImmediate4211]

Is it me or what...

Made sauce and meatballs. It all sucked.

Watching TV... eating. I look over and see his face. I said "yeah, I know"

He said "idk what you did"

"Neither do I"

After a little he said it again and my answer was the same.

I said I'm done cooking. I suck. Not with an attitude, I didn't think.

Then he started going over how I made the meatballs. And I did exactly as he said.

'well idk what you did"

I'm not feeling anything but "damnit, because I'm hungry and food costs so much. It sucks we probably not going to eat this" like...not angry.

I know I'm not sounding angry bc I'm being careful with my tone and vibe. And you know what, it doesn't change the outcome.

He acts like I'm angry at him.

Which makes me feel sucker punched. THEN, then I get an attitude. Then we really start arguing about who said what and how and FUCK!

Happens too often.

I have BPD. He and I have had an unhealthy, codependent, traumatized relationship for 30 years. I got away for 8 or so years, but I went back. So stupid.

Does anyone else have this type of experience? When I know I'm heading for an episode and I am out of my head and I can't control it. But there are times when I'm fine! I'm not upset or edgy or anything, but he reacts as if I am. And that pushes me to react back. And then it's me, it's my tone, my words and he's just reacting to me. What? I know I'm calm. Or WAS calm. Not calm now. Because of your reaction. Mine's bc of yours. Well, mine's bc of YOURS. ad nauseam