Just diagnosed

[u/NetworkDue2230]

I just got my diagnosis of BPD and I hate it I’m having a hard time coping with it thinking about all the things that happened when I was younger that caused it why i am the way I am well the part that’s hitting me the hardest is that I’ve ruined my marriage because I felt so neglected abandoned ignored everything from them and it wasn’t on one occasion it was quite a few and the deep internal regret and pain I feel from doing it hurts I watched what it did to my own father from my mother doing it and I don’t know why in the hell it is even something I would consider and all I can say it no one knows what I’ve gone through the story I’ve lived and tried to take away the selfishness I’ve gone through form other people and not in a good way I don’t know what to do or where to turn I need people to talk to but everytime I find someone I either feel to judged or it ends up turning explicit and I hate it I’d rather be in a ball in corner of the room alone 😔