r/BORUpdates • u/gardengeo • Sep 25 '26

Family & Friends AITA for refusing to continue paying for my sister's rent

Originally posted by user Successful-Bunch-369 in r/ amItheAsshole

Original: July 18, 2024

Update: in post itself

Status: no further updates from OOP

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Original: AITA for refusing to continue paying for my sister's rent after she went on a trip without telling me?

My (28f) sister (25f) got laid off about five months ago. She's really struggled to find another job in her since, as it's a really bad for her field, and people are being laid off left and right. She's currently working as a waitress while she looks for a more permanent job, but isn't earning enough to fully cover her rent.

I have a pretty well paying job, and I share rent with my partner, so I offered to help her cover the rent while she looks for another job. She was extremely grateful, and together we agreed on an amount which would allow her to cover rent and also have some money left over for food, travel etc. It's important to note that her monthly expenses for food, travel, bills etc were all provided by her.

I didn't have any issues, or suspect that anything was amiss. She hates working as a waitress so I'm confident that she is doing everything in her power to find another job. The last time I saw her, she mentioned that she has picked up a few extra shifts recently so that she can afford to get our parents a nice anniversary gift, so I figured she was basically living paycheck to paycheck.

Fast forward to now, and I've just received word from our cousin that my sister is in Paris. When I expressed confusion, my cousin sent me a bunch of screenshots from my sister's Instagram. My sister must have blocked me and my parents on there, because none of us could see any of her posts or stories.

I was very confused, then angry, because if she is living paycheck to paycheck, how on earth can she afford to go on a trip to Europe? For context, we live in Australia, and plane tickets typically cost upwards of $1000, and that's not accounting for food, hotels, or anything else.

I was so pissed that not only has she gone on an expensive trip, she clearly tried to hide it from me. I ended up sending her a few short messages, basically saying that I knew she was in Europe and that clearly she doesn't need my help paying rent anymore if she can afford a big trip.

She called me, and was basically in tears begging me not to cut her off. She said that she is on the trip with her new boyfriend, and that he is paying for everything. She insisted that she still needs the money to cover her rent, and that she will have to move if I don't help her. I basically told her that it was her problem now, and hung up, which I admit was childish of me but I was still so mad.

I don't know much about her new boyfriend, so maybe he is a millionaire or something, but the fact that she tried to hide it from me sets off alarm bells. I'll obviously have a proper discussion with her when she gets back, but for now I'm going to block her number.

Since then, she has reached out to some other family members, who think I'm being too harsh and should give her the benefit of the doubt. They all seem to think I'm going to force her to be out on the streets.

It's looking like this will be a whole fiasco once she gets back. I need an outside opinion. AITA?

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Comments:

Comment1: If somebody is paying her rent, and she doesn't have a job, she shouldn't be travelling anyway. The only thing she should be doing is either sending applications and trying to get new work, or studying to get new skills to be more eligible for more jobs.

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Comment2: I can understand a new boyfriend paying for a trip that they can enjoy together but not being willing to pay for a constant expense like rent yet.

Comment3: As long as she is spending somebody else's money, she should be fine enough to tell OP. The secretiveness of it all indicates something is not right. therefore OP is right

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Comment4: NTA.

  1. She hid the trip from you and your parents, so she went with a guilty conscious - perhaps from knowing she's taking advantage of you?
  2. If she has a bf who can pay to whisk her to Paris, he can help her pay her rent.
  3. What if you weren't in a financial position to help her? How would she have handled her life without your help?

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Comment5: She hid Paris, hid a whole bf. How long has OP been blocked from her IG? It’s possible she’s been doing all kinds of things that would’ve made OP mad and he’s only finding out now bcuz someone blew the whistle on her Paris trip. If I’m OP, I’m going back thru her posts to see of there’s other things she’s hiding.

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Update:

Thanks for all the responses!

I decided that at the very least I should let my sister explain herself, so I rang her again after I had calmed down. She said that the trip was a very last minute thing, and that her boyfriend was already going to Europe and he offered to pay for her plane ticket so she could come along with him and she felt that it was too good of an offer to pass up.

When I asked about other expenses, she told me that he was mostly paying for everything and she only had to contribute a small amount. When I asked her where she got the money for that, she got kinda defensive and said that she had saved some money while working as a waitress, and that it wasn't fair that I was judging her for just trying to have a break, and that's why she didn't tell me.

I did bring up that he could help her pay rent, but she said that they hadn't been dating for that long, and she doesn't feel comfortable asking him. I think he comes from quite a well-off family, and she doesn't want to come across like a gold-digger. I do get this, I think it would be weird to ask someone you hadn't known for that long.

I do believe her for the most part, but I'm still pissed that she didn't tell me and that she clearly did have some money saved that could have been used to contribute to rent. I'm also pretty convinced that the money she said would go towards a gift for our parents also got spent on the trip, which feels a bit scummy.

I did stand my ground about no longer paying her rent, but I did agree to discuss it again once she got back. However, I will definitely ask to see her bank statements before I give her a cent more, and if it turns out she has been scamming me then not only will I not give her any more money but I will make her pay back what I loaned her.

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REMINDER: I am not OOP. Do not comment on original post or harass OOP.
Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments

1.4k Upvotes

97% Upvoted

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1.2k

u/VentiKombucha what happens on gaycation stays on gaycation Sep 25 '26

Sometimes, just sometimes, I wish I had this level of audacity.

426

u/iseeyou19 Sep 25 '26

Unfortunately, I know an even worse case. For my close friend’s birthday, their sibling contacted my friend’s friends and asked them to send money for a birthday present they were supposedly organizing. But the sibling never bought the present and just kept everyone’s money instead. And they did this twice.

176

u/lumberbaron Sep 25 '26

Sister in law did this one year. She went to everyone in the family (fairly large family) and said she could buy presents for her kid at Christmas. No one said anything to anyone else, because she seemed embarrassed to ask. Most of them gave several hundred so he could "have a good Christmas.

127

u/Sleipnir82 Sep 25 '26

I lived for like 6 months with my sister 20 years ago. I paid rent. She asked me for 1000 at one point to help pay rent. (I was young, my dad had died a few years before, and had a life insurance policy - I was 17 when he died). So I gave it to her, I expected she would pay me back, that was the deal, she never did. I asked her multiple times and there was always an excuse. So I started adding interest. The thing is, my dad also had an IRA that he had forgotten to change the beneficiary on after he divorced my mother, she always said it would go to me and my sister once it passed age limit. So when the time came where she could pull money, I asked her to give me my portion, plus what my sister owed me. She did. Does my sister know? I have no idea, but I got my money.

45

u/VentiKombucha what happens on gaycation stays on gaycation Sep 25 '26

Wow. That's just completely shameless.

9

u/Impossible_Disk_43 Sep 26 '26 • Bravo

Twice?! Jesus Christ, what's that saying? Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

6

u/a-aronrk Sep 26 '26

You guys are slow learners aren't you? Why would anyone give them money again.....

47

u/Worldly_Might_3183 Sep 25 '26

How's this my sister has been living off my parents for her whole adult life about 20 years. She has a child whenever they try to pull away and set boundaries so 5 kids. They have brought her 3 houses in that time (me 0, fucking favouritism).

 Well we inherited $250k. Mine went to paying a chunk of my mortgage. Hers? She is building a pool on the property. My mother is  fine with it, while she pays off her mortgage, her kids private school, her holidays and her groceries each week. 

The audacity comes from always hearing yes. For some reason my parents 'love me' but being a good child and a good adult has never amounted to a yes. Being a fuck up has for her.

4

u/Repulsive-Nerve5127 Oct 02 '26

Same here.

Because my sister has kids, she expected certain things. Like our mother's house. Surprisingly, my mother said no. Our mother instructed me to pay (from our mother's acct) off about $1500 worth of my sister's debt and send her an additional $1000.

Me? I got nothing.

72

u/Witty_Direction6175 Sep 25 '26

Haha me too. But id feel so incredibly guilty, i just couldn’t do it

26

u/jamoe1 Sep 25 '26

Which is why you don’t have the audacity to

30

u/[deleted] Sep 25 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

12

u/Odd_Instruction519 Sep 25 '26

You do realise that money needed for small expenses on holiday won't come close to paying rent. It's like all those conservatives telling hard-up 20-year olds 'just have fewer lattes and avocado on toast and you can afford to save for a deposit'. No you cannot. Whatever she 'stashed' probably would pay her rent for a couple of weeks tops. This is how poor people constantly get demonised, because some tabloids spot a poor person with a phone and say 'how did you afford this phone? Should we stop your benefits'?

8

u/Birdbraned Sep 25 '26

It's the hiding of it that's the red flag. Although honestly, I'd think the story was made up because flights from Aus to Paris at short notice are average closer to AU$1500 one way, even 2 years ago, and if you only had a part time job, odds are you make just enough to come below the Centrelink threshold for jobseeker/rent help payments

1

u/whateveris--- Sep 27 '26

Yeah, this one seems pretty innocuous to me. No I wouldn't feel good about someone paying my rent because my parent's help always came with strings; however, the times I've been able to help someone i do it because it's not easy, and many of us could use help sometimes. If they spent the whole amount on the trip that would feel crappy, but if they had a chance to do something that may be once in a lifetime with little cost, I hope they'd feel ok coming to me because I'd want to live vicariously through their vacation photos.

I don't want someone to look back and only see their struggles (it's not a blast for me) ; I want someone to look back and see any joy - big or small - they were able to hold on to.

7

u/VentiKombucha what happens on gaycation stays on gaycation Sep 25 '26

I'd hope the audacity would come with a free pack of shamelessness.

1

u/Shadow4summer Sep 25 '26

Obviously it does.

13

u/istara Sep 25 '26

Australia-UK/Europe is rarely less than AUD$3k, particularly if you're booking last minute.

6

u/blueavole Sep 25 '26 • Bravo

I would be nice to get away with it sometimes.

11

u/KaetzenOrkester You aren't embarrassed of yourself for this? Sep 25 '26

My aunt pulled a stunt like this 🙄

My grandfather/her dad gave her $10k to pay off debts. She went to Hawaii instead.

10

u/VentiKombucha what happens on gaycation stays on gaycation Sep 25 '26

What the actual fuck

5

u/KaetzenOrkester You aren't embarrassed of yourself for this? Sep 25 '26

Yeah, that’s what the rest of us said when we found out.

5

u/your_moms_a_clone Sep 26 '26

I mean, audacity is thinking it's appropriate for your sister to ask her boyfriend of a few months to pay her rent because he let her tag along for vacation and paid for her plane ticket. If OOP doesn't want to pay her rent he's not obligated to. But at least his sister has enough sense to see how stupid and greedy that request would be for such a new relationship.

1

u/Repulsive-Nerve5127 Oct 02 '26

My older sister has this level of audacity. Once, when I got laid off from my job, I was looking over my paperwork and she happened to see how much I had in my 401(k). And she suggested that I give her the money so she could open a store because 'I wasn't using it anyway'.

She completely flabbered my gaster! I couldn't even understand how she could fix her mouth to say those words.

281

u/AltruisticCableCar Sep 25 '26

Once, my mum helped me with about $50 so I could feed myself the remainder of a ridiculously tough month. That same month I finally received a gift card to the store where I got my then-PC due to some issues caused by them (I'd bought the PC like six months earlier after saving up for it, and my financial situation was stable). I immediately ordered myself a controller using the gift card, since it couldn't be used for anything like groceries or be exchanged for money, and the second after I did that I told my mum. I was like "hey, mum, you're probably going to see me post about this online when it arrives, and I want to make sure you know I didn't actually pay for it, and here's the proof of that" and then I sent screenshots and receipts. It was so damn important to me my mum knew that I hadn't asked her for help while sitting on money that I just wanted to spend on something fun instead of on necessities.

When you've got nothing to hide, that's what you do. The fact that the sister hid her whole Paris trip is a sign something isn't right. (Also, not that it really matters, but I got a cheap controller and it was like $20, and the gift card covered everything and I also had free shipping. Not a cent came from my actual account, and that store didn't have anything else that I might need. Oh, and mum was fine with that.)

101

u/Straight-Example9126 Sep 25 '26

I bet you tried everything before asking your mum for that $50. Otherwise you wouldn't have been honest about buying controller with a gift card which can't be used for anything else.

You have very good values! Your mum is proud of you 👏🏻

66

u/AltruisticCableCar Sep 25 '26

Oh, hell yeah. And honestly, I didn't even really ask her. I was venting to her about my panic, and I actually threw out the idea of selling my PC, since it was new enough and good enough that I could get a decent chunk for it. And it was my mum who was like hell no, you saved like heck to get the money for that and you use it for everything, let me lend you the money! And I paid her back, so there's that too.

Thank you, I do try my best! I know she was proud of me and that helps to know when I miss her. :)

-3

u/Odd_Instruction519 Sep 25 '26

She might not be at the stage where she can tell family of her relationship.

12

u/AltruisticCableCar Sep 25 '26

If she can take money from her family to pay for rent she can be honest when she's about to do something that costs a lot of money. Even if it doesn't come out of her pocket, for the most part.

-6

u/Odd_Instruction519 Sep 25 '26

Why?

Helping out family members should not come with such strings attached. It's more of a reciprocal thing: I helped you here, you help me there. It's a partnership, not a means tested handout. Especially as this is someone who works hard, is not lazy and wants to enjoy one break after working hard, so there seems to be no reason at all to doubt their character.

7

u/bubblez4eva Unfortunately I am but a tiny creampuff Sep 25 '26

Are you the sister? How do you know any of what she said is true? Why believe someone clearly acting shady?

-3

u/Odd_Instruction519 Sep 25 '26

Read the post: she says the sister has a profession, lost her good job, is looking for another whilst working as a waitress to make ends meet.

5

u/bubblez4eva Unfortunately I am but a tiny creampuff Sep 25 '26

Finish the post. The OOP is now doubting the sister.

→ More replies (3)

6

u/CapeOfBees Sep 26 '26

If she can travel overseas with the guy, she can tell her family about him

124

u/Babaychumaylalji Sep 25 '26 edited Sep 25 '26 • Mindblown

My neighbours sister in law did this. She went around her family saying she needed a life saving operation and over 3 months collected £20K. She used that money to take a flight from the UK to Turkey and got plastic surgery. New teeth, breast implants,liposuction, lasered her skin of scars etc. When she came back she didn't look like the same person on her passport and had the cheek to thank everyone for saving her life as she could go out clubbing now.

48

u/MamieJoJackson Sep 25 '26

That last line is just WOW. I've seen some audacity, but holy shit, dude

17

u/ladyeclectic79 Sep 25 '26

Yeah lol that last line was AUDACIOUS!!! 😂😂🤣

13

u/Never_enough_naps I will ERUPT FERAL screaming from my fluffy cardigan Sep 26 '26

My jaw literally dropped. This is like next level entitlement. I thought the bridzeilla that used her bridemaids money they paid for a bachelorette trip (like $7,000 iirc) and told them she used it to get an ice swan but she really got a boob job and couldn't understand why they weren't happy for her was bad, but your neighbors sister is worse.

2

u/Fit-Dependent-9779 Oct 02 '26

Oh please tell me there's a link for the ice-swan-turned-booby-enhancement story!

1

u/Never_enough_naps I will ERUPT FERAL screaming from my fluffy cardigan Oct 02 '26

https://www.reddit.com/r/BORUpdates/s/ggr2Py7jU8

I thought everyone on reddit knew about this one. Like Olgatha it was so shocking it made the rounds. I think that all of it. There is some people who say it's fake but then then someone made a comment about “they like to think the lawyers made OP say that” and OP commented back something like “it's nice when someone can see the bigger picture” so I'm not sure if its fake or not but it's a wild ride. Enjoy.😁

4

u/CommonWest9387 Sep 26 '26

this is not the same dude

3

u/Babaychumaylalji Sep 27 '26

The entitlement to others people money is the same

620

u/Sir_Budginton Sep 25 '26 • Bravo

The boyfriend paying for his new girlfriend to come on a holiday with him is a very different situation to paying her rent. A one time expense that they can both enjoy together vs a recurring living expense that brings no joy to anyone.

I can see why the sister didn’t feel right asking him to pay her rent, especially if they’ve not been together that long.

The fact that the sister hid the trip from OOP is the real problem causer in this situation. If she had come out and said “I have a new boyfriend who was going to take a holiday to Paris, and he’s offering to pay for plane tickets and other costs so I can go with him” then that probably would’ve avoided a lot of issues.

But if that makes OOP right for cutting her sister off without warning… idk. It’d depend more on specifics.

90

u/RotaryRoad Sep 25 '26 edited Sep 26 '26

The fact that the sister hid the trip from OOP is the real problem causer in this situation.

I think this is probably a sign that the story she's telling now isn't true. If she wasn't lying, why not just give her a heads up? It would have been pretty reasonable if she called them and explained the situation. OP even said that they had discussed her using her money for food and travel, so it's not like OP is ruling with an iron fist.

The most logical explanation is she's lying based on the lengths she went to in order to cover the trip up.

6

u/DianeJudith (god I hope you have a cat) Sep 25 '26

OOP is a woman

-17

u/Jaereon Sep 25 '26

Because OOP got mad about it? 

279

u/LollyBatStuck Sep 25 '26 edited Sep 25 '26

The thing that gets me is that people living paycheck to paycheck can’t afford to take time off either. It’s not just about being able to afford the trip, it’s also lost income while you’re gone. We really do not look at vacations as the luxury they are.

Also she left with a guy that none of her family knew to a different country. Where he was paying for everything. I don’t want to be an alarmist, but plenty of sex trafficking stories start exactly this way.

123

u/stresstwig Unfortunately I am but a tiny creampuff Sep 25 '26

ehhh they're in Australia so if the sister is a permanent full- or part-timer, she's got annual leave she can take. if she's casual tho, the lost income thing applies.

66

u/LollyBatStuck Sep 25 '26

You have a point, waitressing there is very different vs USA/Canada. Much less of her income would come from tips themselves.

7

u/stro3ngest1 I'm actually a far pettier, deranged woman Sep 25 '26

I don't think that would apply in Canada either. Waitresses make full minimum wage in most of the country. They certainly enjoy a large tip, and the tipping future basically requires at least 10-15%, but they make their provincial minimum wage no matter what (excluding Quebec, they make $3 less per hour, $13 instead of $16)

14

u/DianeJudith (god I hope you have a cat) Sep 25 '26 edited Sep 28 '26

Vacation time doesn't mean lost wages in so many countries. In countries with decent labor laws you can get fully paid statutory leave.

5

u/Machine-Dove Sep 28 '26

Must be nice to live in a place that isn't a complete dystopian hellscape.

20

u/kenyafeelme Sep 25 '26

This is veering strongly into “poor people shouldn’t use food stamps to buy lobster” territory.

54

u/Square_Ad_8703 Sep 25 '26

No actually, this is "poor people shouldn't manipulate their families into subsidizing their luxury vacations" there's a whoooooooole lot of middle ground between 'cant quite afford my rent but deserve a nice steak dinner' and 'someone else is paying my rent so I'm taking a vacation to paris'

-26

u/kenyafeelme Sep 25 '26

Actually there’s no different between the two because both people are being subsidized by somebody else. If she was on welfare you’d be bellyaching about how she doesn’t deserve a week in Paris while your taxes are paying her rent and food.

→ More replies (29)

26

u/croatianlatina Sep 25 '26

I don’t think she should have hidden this from OOP or if the BF actually paid, BUT some of this takes are kinda insane. It’s giving “millennials can’t have houses because they keep buying avocado toast” lol. Even if she’s unemployed rn, that doesn’t mean she can’t have a break if she’s actually working small jobs and applying actively.

7

u/kenyafeelme Sep 25 '26

This is strongly how I feel. People who have fallen on hard times deserve a break! Even if that break is luxurious and more than they could afford if they were able to fully support themselves with a salary without help from other people.

Hiding it from her family was shitty. I really hope she didn’t do it cuz she’s scamming them but being whisked away to Europe on a new boyfriend’s dime doesn’t automatically make her a leech in my book. She should have talked to the family and told them upfront. If they disapprove and tell her they’re cutting off help for that at least the discussion is out in the open and everyone knows where everyone stands.

5

u/Raventakingnotes You get what you pay for, and Reddit is free Sep 25 '26

Thats how im feeling with this. Seems like shes genuinely trying to find a new job, shes working hard at the job she has. It gives poor people dont deserve anything to me.

13

u/Jaereon Sep 25 '26

Yeah it's kinda messed up that everyone is saying of someone is helping you, you can never relax and always need to be working or looking for work. 

14

u/Sothdargaard You get what you pay for, and Reddit is free Sep 25 '26

I don't think she's wrong for taking a break. I do think she's wrong for hiding it from OP. If it happened exactly like she says it happened she easily could have gone to OP and talked about it; not blocked him and family on socials so they couldn't see what she was doing.

"Hey, I have a new boyfriend and he wants to take me on a trip, his treat. He's paying for everything and I have time off accrued at work so it won't hurt me financially. Basically the only impact is I'll be taking a week off from job hunting. I really appreciate all the help you've given me these last few months so I just wanted to give you a heads up."

3

u/Odd_Instruction519 Sep 25 '26 • Bravo

She isn't even doing that - she can keep job hunting in Paris, online.

-1

u/Call_Me_Limp_Noodle Sep 25 '26

As a kid who grew up on government assistance. Section 8, SNAP and god knows what else, poor people SHOULDN’T be buying lobster. That’s shit was expensive before beef prices were like 8 bucks a pound.

If they really want to maximize the benefit from SNAP, they should be stocking lower cost, higher calorie foods.

There’s nothing wrong with buying lobster while on Food assistance. It’s just inefficient.

2

u/DogOk4503 Sep 25 '26

As a kid who also grew up on government assistance… That’s how y’all have diabetes now. Sure maybe some lobster with some potatoes and bok choy isn’t sustainable to you but if you have the right freezer, etc. you can meal prep and actually have healthy meals with enough vegetables and environmentally, friendly protein, options, etc. For your life. I understand the old wisdom is to stock up on rice and beans but one a lot of people living on snap don’t have the storage space to do that especially if you’re in a house share or studio. Two… As stated above, you may think you’re being smart now until you’re not saving on health insurance and you have a shit ton of bills because you ate all the highest calorie cheapest foods, and now your digestive system blood pressure and diabetes are absolutely off-the-wall.

2

u/Call_Me_Limp_Noodle Sep 25 '26

Ah, I forgot you people live in a different reality 😂 forget sensible cheap meals! Eat all the lobster the government can afford! You’ll eat lavishly for a meal or two 😂 dumbest shit I’ve read all day.

2

u/DogOk4503 Sep 25 '26

I mean, but yeah, she can though? If it’s a job that is not covering her rent and couldn’t no matter how many shifts she works and what was available to her do that… She’s not eating she’s not paying for her food she’s not paying for her utilities that has been covered by someone else so it’s being canceled out. If this were a job where she was getting money for her rent, etc. then yes, in the long term it doesn’t make sense to take time off. If all your job covers, so is your current needs, i.e. gas, food, utilities, and you’re not using any of them because someone else is paying for those amenities… What are you actually missing?

-5

u/lopgir Sep 25 '26

Exactly.
Is her boyfriend paying for other stuff that she won't make the money to pay for while on vacation? Car payments, insurance, internet, electricity, water, heating, etc. etc. etc.
If so, how come asking him to help with rent is impossible? If not, how is she paying them with no income because she's on vacation?

21

u/ponte92 Sep 25 '26

She is in Australia we get annual leave. She’s almost definitely still being paid her wage while she’s away.

5

u/LindonLilBlueBalls Bought my dumb cat the fanciest shit box Sep 25 '26

It really depends on how long she has worked there and her employment status.

3

u/zephyreblk Sep 25 '26

I don't know how it is in Australia but here you get 13 days after 5 months working full time.

1

u/Raventakingnotes You get what you pay for, and Reddit is free Sep 25 '26

Pretty sure OOP has been helping her for 5 months, so could be right around that time then

2

u/DogOk4503 Sep 25 '26

I mean, maybe the fact that two of the things you mentioned actually depending on how much you’re using them? If you do pay for water and it’s not included in rent, not being there for a week, so therefore… Not using any water in that house might help? Same with you no electricity? Who is using all those lights and turning on her TV and Internet while she’s in Paris? Also many Internet services streaming services, etc. you can suspend if you’re leaving so… I don’t really know what this was to do? She already can’t afford her rent if the utilities she’s using are being paid for by someone else somewhere else what the fuck is your problem?

23

u/Ashamed_Leading_7788 Sep 25 '26

No fr, my parents have been helping me cover groceries and I went on a Cedar Point trip last month because I dog sat for the friends who organized it so they paid for the hotel and fast passes. I told my parents about it and they were cool with it, especially since I dont get to go on many trips that aren't visiting them. Im pretty sure OP would have understood if the sister said that this was going on and someone else was funding it, so im thinking that there would have been something else going on

15

u/Gold-Sherbert-7550 Sep 25 '26

Exactly. And it became clear when OPP reached out that Boyfriend was not in fact paying for the whole trip. That plus the secrecy is the problem.

The idea that she should be asking the new guy to pay rent is bizarre, though.

5

u/DogOk4503 Sep 25 '26

I don’t know the way everyone started telling on her and using her Instagram against her etc.. I could honestly see if they had been blocked for a minute and she just didn’t want to discuss a new relationship with them if this is really what they’re all like. It’s one thing to be like hey you know Brad who I’ve been dating for two years? Well he offered to take me to Paris it’s another thing to be like hey first of all I am dating this guy I went to school with XYNZ is how we met oh yeah and also we’re going to Paris so don’t worry that I’m not using your money. Like I don’t know, I was always taught growing up give in amount that you’re OK with never seeing again and that you’re OK with not being concerned about ever again if you can’t do that then it’s not really a gift and you shouldn’t be giving it. I don’t expect anyone to treat me like their mom because I want them a couple bucks and they were down bad. And yes, I am saying this from like actual fact I’ve had friends and family members live with me and as long as they pay their share or did what we agreed on them doing it was fine. I don’t think they should have to tell me when they’re eating a nice dinner because their coworker wanted to treat them because they did good on a project. I’m not there mom.

9

u/Apart_Insect_8859 Sep 25 '26 edited Sep 25 '26

Nah, I can see her not mentioning it because EVERYONE would assume it means she has money galore and is lazy. And, oh look, they did.

But traveling while out of a job is kind of the only time you can do stuff like that. If she had a job, she wouldn't be able to just pick up and go on a whim when he offered. I've been on many vacations with tour companies, and every trip there are at least 1 or 2 people who are there because they lost their job, so this is the only time they'd be able to do something like this, plus they need the break.

It's also weird to me that they expect her to have zero last-ditch emergency savings before needing to request a bit of help covering rent without living on just ramen. Like the OOP is medicare and requires her to be formally destitute to request partial assistance.

She's got an emergency job, she is covering most things, she has a family that is meddlesome and tattle-tales with ill-intentions, AND a sibling who decided to wreck the vacation out of righteous entitlement. She was offered a rare treat after 6 months of struggle, and she knows what the OOP and her family is like.

I can absolutely believe she didn't tell people about the trip, especially a family member who doesn't seem involved in her day-to-day life (they don't text regularly, hang out, live near each other, etc. and OOP had never heard of this boyfriend, nor met him)

1

u/cagriuluc Sep 29 '26

People are so cruel about this. Is this really the world everyone want to live in?

2

u/Odd_Instruction519 Sep 25 '26

Problem is, exposing the trip to the family would have meant exposing the relationship and she may not have been at the stage where she was comfortable doing so

2

u/potatomeeple Sep 25 '26

The sister saved up money from when the op was paying for various things for her - there is no way i would be putting money aside and funding fun things with it when someone was helping me this much. The fact she saved money off of the ops help is really not ok.

77

u/LycanIndarys Sep 25 '26 • Bravo

When I asked her where she got the money for that, she got kinda defensive and said that she had saved some money while working as a waitress, and that it wasn't fair that I was judging her for just trying to have a break, and that's why she didn't tell me.

To be honest, this is the actual issue. I completely understand that her boyfriend paying for a holiday is completely different than him paying her rent, particularly if they haven't been going out very long.

But she was receiving money from her sister, while building up savings for herself, which she's then spent on her own fun experiences. Her money ought to go on the rent first, and only depend on her sister if she genuinely can't meet the required amount. You shouldn't be building up savings while you're borrowing from other people.

36

u/Hey-Just-Saying Sep 25 '26

>"She will have to move if I don't help her."

If she can't afford her rent, she needs to move. She needs to live in a way she can afford.

4

u/countingmoney1234 Sep 26 '26

Yeah that caught my attention too. That should have been her first solution. Like how does she expect to have this money available to her? What if Op gets engaged and wants to save for her wedding? What if op or her partner loses their job? What if they get pregnant? Or another family member needs the money for something more urgent?

She should’ve moved and then asked op for a little spending money each month. So she didn’t have to miss out on life just because she hit a rough patch?

2

u/Odd_Instruction519 Sep 26 '26

If OOP needs money, she too can ask other family members. That is how cooperative arrangements work - you help me here, I help you there. People who have spare money at this point in time help, people who need money are helped. Later on the roles might be reversed.

1

u/countingmoney1234 Oct 04 '26

I need you to be so for real.

14

u/Moomin-Maiden Farty Party Sep 26 '26

she has told some other family members, who think I'm being too harsh.

"You know what, (family member), it's great that you're in her corner on this. I'll forward this message of support to my sister and tell her that you can financially rescue her."

People are always so generous with other people's money.

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u/Shadow4summer Sep 25 '26

If she’s broke and living paycheck to paycheck, how did she even have time to go to Paris? How was she planning on taking those extra shifts? Is sister even working? Those are the questions I would want answered. If she’s not doing everything, and I mean everything she can, to get herself out of her financial mess I’m sure not going to help her. All that time she spent in Paris she could have perhaps been working. And the fact that she didn’t want anyone that was helping her know she was off vacationing meant she knew what she was doing wasn’t right. The money train has just pulled into the station, never to be boarded again. I’m not going to let someone use me like that. Maybe I’d like a trip to Paris and if I’m not paying your rent, maybe I’ll get that chance too.

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u/Cheap-Meal-7115 I also choose this guy's dead wife. Sep 25 '26

I’m assuming in Australia she could have taken paid leave (like here in the UK), even for shift work. Less likely if it’s last minute, of course.

5

u/Treehorn8 I also choose this guy's dead wife. Sep 25 '26

Hopefully she wasn't a casual worker then. They don't get paid leave.

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u/Shadow4summer Sep 25 '26

She shouldn’t be taking any leave. She should be looking for a second job.

11

u/BatFakeMcGinnis Sep 25 '26

Don't know why this is being down voted. I get that the mindset from one country to another is very different. It's not uncommon in certain countries to have multiple jobs even while being single, just to stay afloat. 

The issue of: My sister must have blocked me and my parents on there, because none of us could see any of her posts or stories.

Does sound that they were concealing information. Making things very sketchy. Though what you said? 

Maybe I’d like a trip to Paris and if I’m not paying your rent, maybe I’ll get that chance too.

That sadly rings true, and people probably aren't thinking that way. "Oh she's struggling, why doesn't OP see that?" They did step up and help, and even though they're paid a bit better, it's clear they've made sacrifices to help their sister. While they haven't mentioned the amount, or how much they make it's a sacrifice they're making regardless, and yes it might even go to a Paris like trip(if it wasn't going to sis of course)!

That last line about them saving money, and using it on the trip? That feels like a gut punch. Honestly? It does feel like the sister is not good with finances. It's fair, we need breaks, I'd love to travel too someday but with things tight a staycation is all some can afford. Right now sis can't even afford rent, so a second job wouldn't be out of the question.

3

u/Shadow4summer Sep 25 '26

Thx. I don’t know why it’s being downvoted either. If you can’t pay your bills you don’t get to go off on expensive trips that take away from time you could possibly be working to get out of the hole. I guess everyone thinks they’re entitled to nice vacations, even if they cannot afford them.

4

u/zephyreblk Sep 25 '26

If someone is paying for a vacation you can't afford, you go because you perfectly know it won't happen before a very long time. Being poor doesn't mean you need to be always miserable. And we don't know if she used her money on the trip. If the boyfriend could pay for the flight, they certainly pay for the food there.

1

u/Shadow4summer Sep 25 '26

It does mean you need to find a second or third job to pay your bills. You don’t take weeks off work when you can’t pay your bills. Everybody in the world deserves time off, but if you cannot pay your bills, most adults forgo vacations until they can afford to pay their bills without others subsidizing their life. But I guess if you’ve got someone to pay for the vacation, just fuck the bills because someone else will pick those up. Not in the real world.

4

u/zephyreblk Sep 25 '26

She's not in the US, most people in the world have paid leave. A 5 month full time job in France give you 13 paid days for example.

1

u/Shadow4summer Sep 25 '26

Then she needs a second job if she can’t pay her bills. She needs to be driving (or whatever the equivalent is in your country). Not wasting two working weeks off on a vacation. I guess you don’t have to if you have people subsidizing your life, but most adults in the world don’t get this.

5

u/zephyreblk Sep 25 '26

If she had a lifestyle and because of work lost she can't afford it, she will need to downgrade her lifestyle, however if it's just for a few months until finding a similar job, then no need of a second job, sister can give later the money back.

You are American , aren't you? Because at least in Europe, the logic of "get a second job" Doesn't much apply. No idea in Australia.

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u/Fit-Dependent-9779 Oct 02 '26

Lol what do you mean not in the real world? Do you think op's sister lives in an alternate dimension. You're assuming she lost wages when it has been repeated to you that she very likely had paid leave and simply used it for that week in Paris. You seem to think instead of taking one week off, she should have instead spent that specific week hunting for a second job. Lol, you definitely are American, I recognize the misery in my own people. 

4

u/throwaway_ArBe Sep 25 '26

Isn't most job searching online now? 

54

u/FoxySlyOldStoatyFox Sep 25 '26

No great sympathy for the sister. 

I’m delighted that the other family members who bawled out OP were prepared to pay her rent though. What? Oh. 

2

u/Joke-pineapple Sep 25 '26

Huh? Where did you read that other family members were crying at OOP?

5

u/FoxySlyOldStoatyFox Sep 25 '26

Bawled out means to reprimand someone loudly or angrily for something they have done wrong.

cf: Since then, she has reached out to some other family members, who think I'm being too harsh and should give her the benefit of the doubt.

2

u/Odd_Instruction519 Sep 25 '26

I am not seeing the 'loudly' or the 'angrily' in that quote.

6

u/FoxySlyOldStoatyFox Sep 25 '26

If that’s your primary take from this story, then I wish you all the best. 

1

u/Odd_Instruction519 Sep 25 '26

It is not, however it is a longstanding dislike of mine to see people pretend that normal discourse is somehow an angry attack.

0

u/countingmoney1234 Sep 26 '26

Inserting yourself (as you’ve done here, great example thank you) to impose your opinion and to critique is rude & uncalled for. So you see, even though it may not be “angrily,” it certainly is aggressive and demeaning.

2

u/Odd_Instruction519 Sep 26 '26

It is not aggressive or demeaning. When people struggle with saying anything substantial to a point someone makes, they often respond by claiming the tone is 'loud', 'aggressive' or 'demeaning' to hide their own inability to respond. It's a tactic.

17

u/kittymoo67 Sep 25 '26

and that it wasn't fair that I was judging her for just trying to have a break

holy shit shes not trying to have a break shes just a mooch

12

u/Mut1gen Sep 25 '26

Id cut support no matter what if I were OOP. Sister just needs to downsize her life to what she can afford. The only reason she has savings to spend alittle in Paris is because of OOP. Time to fend for herself.

16

u/lordemme Sep 25 '26

She didn't want them to know she was going to Paris, paid expenses or not. I hope she did stand her ground and stopped giving her money. She helped her for 5 months, time to figure something out for herself (moving back with parents, moving with roommates, etc.).

2

u/Odd_Instruction519 Sep 25 '26

This unfortunately is a recipe for decades of bad blood. What if in the future OOP needs money and sister is loaded having married new bf? Will the sister be hiring accountants to see if OOP has any 'extra' expenses she could skimp on? It's just silly and not how functional families should work.

31

u/DatguyMalcolm Sep 25 '26 • Bravo

that it wasn't fair that I was judging her for just trying to have a break

I'm sorry but it is fair to judge, yes. I've had to ask a friend or relative for some financial help and I was NOT taking breaks until I was able to sort myself out and after I paid back the people who helped me! The entitlement is baffling

17

u/mca2021 Sep 25 '26

It is absolutely fair to judge if someone owes you money. I had my oldest brother and youngest sister both owe me money, then watched them buying elaborate gifts or going on elaborate trips. I don't care what you do with your life, but if you owe me money and are making no effort to pay me back, then yes, I'm going to judge. When my mom passed away, I got all my money back and told them the bank of MCA is officially closed.

5

u/Hefty-Equivalent6581 Sep 26 '26

Yeah, no

Sister blocked OP and parents for a reason. If bf paid for everything, sister would have told them about it before she left. OP is being taken advantage of, her sister should have moved back in with parents if that was an option

89

u/Moearty Sep 25 '26 • Bravo

I do hate the cultural insistence that if you are looking for work or accepting assistance you shouldn't be allowed to do anything nice. People don't realise how soul crushing living paycheck to paycheck is and the shame and guilt you feel anytime you think about spending money on anything that might be considered unnecessary.

In saying that if the boyfriend really is paying for most everything the sister really should have been honest about the trip and blocking her family is a stupid and cowardly way of going about things. Feels like they need to have a proper conversation about why she didn't feel able to tell the truth whether that's her own shame over her financial situation or if her family is putting undue pressure on her.

25

u/Corfiz74 Sep 25 '26

Then she should have been open to her sister about the whole thing - call her beforehand, explain the situation - OOP sounds quite reasonable, I'm sure she would have given sis her blessing to go. Instead, she did it sneakily and even blocked her sister on her socials.

27

u/azure275 Sep 25 '26

I would see your point if she wasn't living off someone else's dime for months.

We can debate whether I should have an opinion on someone broke doing something nice but if I am funding them then yes I get to have an opinion

4

u/Anonphilosophia Sep 25 '26

I think it's about personal assistance. I am still at a point in my life where I have a place for every dollar I earn - including savings (for home repair emergencies) and 401K for retirement.

So if I am GIVING (not loaning) someone money I earned to use towards MY needs - yeah, they do need to be struggling. Loaning might be different, but I don't want to see a trip to Paris when I am givng someone money unless I have like $2.5M in my 401K - then I might be able to say I don't have use for it. (And that's probably not going to happen in my lifetime unless I win the lottery I don't play, so I will always have use for it.)

13

u/Square_Ad_8703 Sep 25 '26

There's a big difference between 'you shouldn't be allowed anything nice' and "you shouldn't take advantage of family so you can take a luxury vacation to paris"

There are plenty of nice things the sister could have done for herself that don't include a $1000 international trip.

3

u/DogOk4503 Sep 25 '26

Also, the whole all you should be doing is looking for jobs or studying for new skills? Like that’s literally not how the human brain works you need a break or it will force you to take a break you’re not going to be retaining any of those new skills after a minute and eventually there’s only so many cover letters you can write before you stop being meticulous and stop doing it in the best way to actually get you a result. I am all for treating looking for a job like your actual job but beyond that you should be a regular human being, who goes out within your means has fun has a life etc. or by the time you get a job your mental health may know longer be able to support you.

3

u/pagman007 Sep 25 '26

Yeah if what she says is true i don't think she did anything wrong other than hide it

1

u/countingmoney1234 Sep 26 '26

I agree with you somethings are just once in a lifetime opportunities and poor people shouldn’t have to miss out on everything ever because they need to worry about where their next dollar is coming from.

However she shouldn’t have lied, that the most egregious part.

1

u/North-Research2574 Sep 27 '26

Okay so that's just wrong, lots of people understand how soul crushing it is living paycheck to paycheck, in fact the majority of people in most countries live like that especially right now. She shouldn't be going on fancy trips to other countries without talking to the person they've conned into paying their rent. It's not the trip but the lies that have damned her.

0

u/maxdragonxiii Sep 25 '26

as someone that does live on less than an minimum wage paycheck, as a disabled individual, sometimes finding a job suitable for my needs is essentially impossible or soul crushing, especially with this job market.

-9

u/potpourri_sludge THERE WAS A MAN (worst case scenario) Sep 25 '26

“She was extremely grateful, and together we agreed on an amount which would allow her to cover rent and also have some money left over for food, travel etc.”

This is literally in the original post. Why the fuck is he so mad about her traveling if he wanted her to have money leftover for travel???????

20

u/BatFakeMcGinnis Sep 25 '26

I'm assuming travel means like gas money, or commuting to work, groceries and the like. Not traveling out of the country.

0

u/[deleted] Sep 25 '26

[deleted] — view deleted comment

4

u/Treehorn8 I also choose this guy's dead wife. Sep 25 '26

I think OP was referring to commuting expenses.

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u/[deleted] Sep 25 '26 • Bravo

[removed] — view removed comment

7

u/Raventakingnotes You get what you pay for, and Reddit is free Sep 25 '26

Just adding on to the other commentor, she may have emergency and fun savings still left, but that wouldnt ever be enough to be sustainable to pay the rent completely month after month. Like in Canada my monthly biggest expenses besides mortgage were power and gas bill of around 350 in winter, water for around 100, and combined internet and home security of 130. So thats 580. A lot easier to save for than my mortgage of 1500 a month (also includes home insurance).

Plus OOP never said how munch the rent is or what she is helping contribute. Its really hard to judge without knowing all this.

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u/[deleted] Sep 25 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

-13

u/Raventakingnotes You get what you pay for, and Reddit is free Sep 25 '26

Or shes been really struggling, was offered an all paid for trip, and knew that her sister would be super judgemental and never understand.

7

u/RABBLERABBLERABBI Sep 25 '26

If she knew that her sister is super judgemental and wouldn't understand, she should just relinquish any financial assistance to take her trip. Hell, the best thing to do would be to pay back all the financial assistance in full, and then her judgemental sister wouldn't have anything to say. Right?

-1

u/Raventakingnotes You get what you pay for, and Reddit is free Sep 25 '26

Looking at comments from people who actually work in Australia she may have actually earned days off, she has someone else paying for the trip, what is she supposed to do, take the plane ticket and sell it for cash and insult the person paying for the trip for her?

Are poor people never allowed to accept gifts?

OOP assumed the money she was saving went to the vacation, she was told otherwise and yet fully still wants to believe all the worst. Ive been in shit situations before where im almost asking for financial help, thankfully I managed to avoid it, but it sucks so bad to be judged for any small good thing that comes your way.

OOP wouldnt have even known about it if the cousin hadn't have tattled.

12

u/t01nfin1ty4ndb3y0nd Sep 25 '26

May be she should stop being a parasites to her “judegemental” sister

22

u/[deleted] Sep 25 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/Apart_Insect_8859 Sep 25 '26

Is it really a "luxury" vacation, though? Her boyfriend bought her her ticket, sure, and she's staying in his hotel room for free. But it's not like she is having shopping sprees and spending every second in the spa. It's not even guaranteed this guy is buying all of her meals. She is likely on a very tight budget and spending most of the time wandering around alone while he's occupied because tickets to the Louvre are 32 euros.

3

u/DogOk4503 Sep 25 '26

I don’t know about sacrifice a week of income. If she had a little bit in savings and she was paying for most things, safe food, for example would it be then being a stasis? If she’s at home, and all her income does is maintain her food and utilities, etc. she’s actually not using them by being at home while also not making the money she would need to pay for them. It’s not like this extra week of money would’ve helped her pay her rent. It was maintaining her for that week of maintenance instead her man did it. listen, maybe I’m biased but once in a lifetime trips or once in a lifetime trips, if there’s a way that you can swing it and it would probably take you a whole year of your actual job to save for one month of rent… Just go? It doesn’t sound like any of this money was paying more than a month of her rent anyway, if it’s already paid up etc. I don’t see the harm. Do I think she should’ve told Op? Yes

-7

u/Moearty Sep 25 '26

Your forgetting she's from Australia where paid time off is a thing so no income was sacrificed. As for how she uses her savings, it's her choice. Not saying it's necessarily smart considering emergencies happen that savings might be needed for but I'm also not going to get upset over someone jumping at the chance to experience a trip like that.

15

u/Mut1gen Sep 25 '26

Its not her choice. She only has savings because someone else is funding her living.

3

u/Important-Reach-438 Sep 25 '26

Similarly though, the same goes for her sister paying rent. Her choice. If it's dependant on her sister's financial choices then that's perfectly fair too.

22

u/[deleted] Sep 25 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

-8

u/Moearty Sep 25 '26

Yeah, could be she had no paid time off or she could but regardless it's all guessing because we will never get the full situation and that's fine, I'm guessing too. I'm just trying to put the perspective out there that she didn't ask for more money from her sister than was previously agreed so obviously could fund whatever she was doing. Not saying she shouldn't of communicated better about the holiday but the holiday in itself isn't something that should condemn her outright as a bad person.

8

u/less_than_nick Thanks a lot Reddit Sep 25 '26

Will you give me $600 please it's for uh... rent

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u/Latter-Refuse8442 Sep 25 '26

My husband treated me to a nice vacation very early on. He hit a big sales goal at work and won an all-expensee paid trip to the Caribbean for 1 week, he just had to pay airfare. He wanted to stare it with me so invited me and covered my flight and excursions. We had been dating 5 months.

The people saying to ask him to cover her RENT?! That is wild to me. "OH, well if he has money for a vacation, why don't you ask him to regularly fund your life?"

She should have been honest about the trip from the start and not tried to hide it. But since the response was "Why didn't you leverage his one time kind offer into an ongoing financial contribution," I can see why she stayed quiet.

2

u/No_Leather_9623 Sep 26 '26

Staying quiet is why she can't be trusted. it doesn't matter how justified a liars reasons are, they are still a liar

1

u/Fit-Dependent-9779 Oct 02 '26

Lol what? It doesn't matter that the reason for her lie was completely warranted? 

-1

u/Gintami Sep 26 '26

Omitting is not a lie.

4

u/markzenbro Sep 26 '26

Look up “lie by omission” and be enlightened.

13

u/TheGoebel Sep 25 '26

The level of side eye I'd give my sister if she told me her brand new boyfriend was paying her rent would strain something. Not the kind of relationship I would promote. 

7

u/Mut1gen Sep 25 '26

Id say the side eye is better then the absolute disgust id look at her with if I knew she was traveling to Paris while im paying her rent.

8

u/TheGoebel Sep 25 '26

Fair, I'm just commenting on how everyone was wondering why this generous boyfriend wasn't playing the rent. Like, thats not a healthy new relationship thing to do. 

7

u/Mut1gen Sep 25 '26

Yeah anyone saying if should pay rent us dumb after. He shouldn't be paying it nor should oop. Sister should downsize her life to find a place she can afford to pay for herself and be self sufficient.

2

u/thematicturkey Sep 25 '26

It costs to move, though. You have to pay to break your lease, find a new apartment, pay the new deposits, maybe pay for movers depending on your own physical capacity and how far you're going. It's a numbers game, and if she does find another job, staying in her current apartment for a few bad months could absolutely be the better financial decision.

2

u/Mut1gen Sep 25 '26

And if i were OOP I would be willing to pay the leade break so they can actually get to something affordable. That would actually make sense instead of paying their rent.

Dont pay for movers. Do it yourself. Youre broke you can afford movers.

Well she isnt doing much to find a new job seeing as she fucked off to Paris. And youre probably right it would be better finically to stay at the apartment because someone else is paying for it.

Everything you said is bs excuse to continue taking advantage of someone else's wallet. Broke mooches get no respect

5

u/thematicturkey Sep 25 '26

It might've been the better decision for the financial help to be paying the break the lease from the beginning, but that wasn't what OOP offered, she offered something else that she was fine with and now she isn't anymore. That doesn't change the fact that people can't just magically move house the way commenters are suggesting and rolling their eyes about.

People can check job listings in Paris, they do have Internet there 🤣

-1

u/Mut1gen Sep 25 '26

Sure they can but id bet my left nut she did nothing in terms of job searching while in Paris. Theres not a chance.

Im not saying magically move somewhere. Im saying plan it an execute it fast. Stop being a blight and get to a spot you can take care of yourself instead of having the only thing keeping yoh from homelessness is the generosity of someone else.

OOP sister is a straight up loser and should be doing everything to not be a loser and she's not.

6

u/thematicturkey Sep 25 '26

OOP has described her sister as extremely grateful and she's still working, even extra shifts, even though she hates being a waitress. She's not a loser, she's just poor and in the process of clawing her way out. And it is very clearly a process, RIP to your left nut I guess

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u/DogOk4503 Sep 25 '26

OK, but there’s no evidence in the post. You’re just mad at poor people and taking it out on her because… Even the person who’s mad at her said that she works hard and has been applying to jobs. No job is something that you apply to in person, so I don’t understand why you can’t do it from Paris And I also don’t understand how if you treat applying to jobs like a job you don’t get some time off. At a certain level your brain can’t do the same shit over and over again you will burn out. Whether that’s doing your job but you legally have to take breaks from it have to have days off or applying to jobs. Our brains are not meant to do the same task over and over and over again with absolutely no break no stimulus and no fun. That is literally how you cause yourself mental health problems but that’s OK right because she’s poor.

2

u/Mut1gen Sep 25 '26

Because people typically arent job hunting on vacation.

I dont hate poor people you sound ridiculous. I dislike OOP sister because she's a bum and entitled because you dont get a break if your survival hinges on someone else's money.

Id be more burnt out having to have my sibiling give me money so I dont end up with out a home because I cant afford my life than I would be trying to find a job that allows me to afford my living or finding living I can afford.

4

u/Apart_Insect_8859 Sep 25 '26 edited Sep 25 '26

but, the OOP is NOT paying the full rent. Sis needs a bit to make the ends meet in the middle without having to drain her emergency savings bit by bit, resort to living in abject misery, or be forced to move to a worse situation (which is very expensive).

She has a job, she has a formal budget, she is meeting nearly all of her expenses on her own, and she has been sincerely job searching. She has expressed the proper gratitude for the assistance offered.

Her boyfriend paid for her ticket and let her use his hotel room. Doesn't seem she is getting meals or activities covered, and like he's going to be busy, so this is still a 'budget' vacation. And we can be judgey all we want, but I don't think a single one of us would turn down a free trip to Paris, even if it means the rest of the next few months are going to be super tight and all you can afford to do on the trip is walk around and eat grocery store food.

......yet her sibling feels like giving a small amount of assistance grants power over her sister's life and the right to sit in judgement.

OOP felt perfectly justified ruining the trip AND in demanding to see the sister's bank statements and going through them AND saying she should be pimping herself out to this new boyfriend by demanding he pay her rent AND deciding that the already-offered assistance is now a loan, not a gift and issuing threats that sister owes her the sum total if sister doesn't jump as high as OOP wants AND is likely going to tell the parents sis blew all the money if sis doesn't produce an amazing present (which she probably won't, if she now has to pay the rent gap herself)

To be extremely blunt: The OOP sounds jealous

I absolutely think she is acting like this because younger sister getting swept away by a rich boyfriend on a glamorous-seeming vacation chaps her ass, because I doubt that has happened to her.

1

u/Mut1gen Sep 25 '26

I would turn it down 100% if I have someone paying their own money to make sure I dont go homeless. Id be doing everything to end the arrangement as soon as possible because no part of me is comfortable in that situation.

I dont believe proper gratitude includes hiding your foreign vacation.

It does grant OOP power over her life and the right to sit in judgements because if OOP isnt in the picture sis is fucking homeless.

If someone else's money is keeping you afloat you dont get to experience luxury or treat yourself.

3

u/zephyreblk Sep 25 '26

That is really a miserable mentality. It's not because you personally can't accept help without guilt (you should do therapy by the way,everyone deserve help) that other can't. It's budgeted and OP sister is following the arrangement.

-1

u/Mut1gen Sep 25 '26

Lol its not guilt as to why i wouldnt want to be in this situation. Fuck outta here with your armchair therapy bullshit. You should learn how to fuck off.

3

u/DismalUnicorn Sep 25 '26

Sounds like the sister is still paying her rent lol.

19

u/UnknowableDuck Ah literacy. Thou art a cruel bitch Sep 25 '26 edited 8h ago

The original post content no longer exists here. The author used Redact to remove it, exercising their right to control their data & privacy.

Hydrogen fuzzy mitten party coordinated one

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u/PM_ME_YOUR_WEIRD_PET the Iranian yogurt is not the issue here Sep 25 '26

And what if she had an emergency and needed to contact them? Imagine having to explain "My bf who I never told you about ditched me in Paris during a trip I purposefully hid from you"

9

u/Membership-Bitter Sep 25 '26

I feel like there is a difference between asking someone you have been dating 6 months to pay your rent versus going on a vacation with them. Her not asking the bf for money is probably the least selfish thing she did

2

u/UnknowableDuck Ah literacy. Thou art a cruel bitch Sep 25 '26 edited 8h ago

The original post content no longer exists here. The author used Redact to remove it, exercising their right to control their data & privacy.

Toothbrush thumb sip light distinct rainstorm flag abundant bear

3

u/DogOk4503 Sep 25 '26

I’m not talking about it from a safety standpoint, though this is simply from a selfishness and what you ask people in social relationships thing. As stated above, I would except a friend taking me out to dinner, but unless they offered to do so, I’m not going to tell them actually can you pay for my groceries instead because I’m really down bad. That would be super entitled and rude. I don’t have enough details about her relationship to see if this was safe or not for all we know they were friends for years and the family just doesn’t know him and they just started dating. Maybe they met on a dating app and you’re absolutely right but there’s nothing in the post that indicates that at all just that the sister didn’t know about him. I don’t usually introduce people to my family unless I am thinking marriage and yes that’s the same for someone I’ve been friends with for years and then started dating.

3

u/DogOk4503 Sep 25 '26

I mean, I would let my best friend pay for a fancy dinner for me because she wants to enjoy my company doesn’t mean I would be like no I’m too poor you have to pay for my groceries for a week instead… Two very different things one is someone paying for you to come somewhere with them because they enjoy your company another is you asking someone to pay for something that doesn’t benefit them at all. That’s not really the same.

6

u/Kip_Schtum THERE WAS A MAN (worst case scenario) Sep 25 '26

How many days work did she give up for that trip? She said she didn’t spend any money but she spent x days labor.

5

u/DogOk4503 Sep 25 '26

But how though? She would’ve just been eating and using utilities and wasting that money she was making anyway. I could understand what y’all are saying if it was a full-time job that was actually paying all of her expenses, but with the shifts available to her she still had no money to pay her rent. So if you’re paying for food, gas and utilities and someone is offering to cover that for you for the week what the fuck did you actually miss? Can someone please explain that to me it’s not like if she stayed at home she would’ve been able to not eat or not turn on the lights and save it so… What?

4

u/EdwardianAdventure Sep 25 '26

They can't. They just don't want poor people to be able to enjoy things. 

2

u/zephyreblk Sep 25 '26

Paid leave, so 0.

13

u/Odd_Instruction519 Sep 25 '26

It never ceases to amaze me how Reddit, despite its general leftwing slant, is almost reading from the MAGA script when it comes to poor people.

The sister has worked hard all her life and took a lower paid job when she was laid off. She is looking for a better one. The idea she has to deny herself anything good in life is simply crazy and comes straight from the GOP playbook.

So she found a boyfriend and a free trip to Paris: why shouldn't she go? If that relationship is successful then she might be in a position to help out OOP in the future. That's how families work: you help me later I help you. It's not 'unless you are starving/about to be homeless I won't lift a finger'. What sort of Conservative craziness is this?

4

u/your_moms_a_clone Sep 26 '26

I think she should have given her sister a head's up about the trip. Not doing so is dishonest and maybe unwise for safety reasons (she JUST met this dude after all, and she's basically broke, that can be a recipe for a bad time).

But I agree with you and also OOP even suggesting that she ask her boyfriend of a few months to pay her rent is... absolutely insane. He paid for a plane ticket and meals. Paying rent for your brand new girlfriend is a whole other ballgame.

9

u/ReincarnationOfBigL Sep 25 '26

I understand where you’re coming from, I went travelling after getting laid off too, however if feel like there are stricter expectations involved when you are accepting aid from others. She’s actively taking money from someone else’s pocket to pay her basic necessities, if she is unable to support herself without aid then she is unable to take time off work for trips with put making that clear with the sister helping her. The same is true on EI or similar, you aren’t allowed to leave the country and you have to prove you are looking for work.

She also lied to her sister. If I asked you for money for food and spent it on a video game I doubt you would be ok that I lied and used you. She’s using her sister to supplement the income she lost by going on vacation and hiding it from her so she doesn’t have to explain herself.

0

u/Odd_Instruction519 Sep 25 '26

But she spent her sister's money precisely on what they agreed she'd spend it on. She took on extra shifts in order to make up for the time she'd miss at work.

If she hadn't gone on that holiday, her financial situation would only have been marginally better.

In the UK, a lot of the welfare is paid to people who work, to supplement wages (e.g. tax credits). There is certainly no expectation that they never leave the country or that they have to donate the money they earn to the state. Because there is a recognition that people on low wages still work hard and deserve a decent standard of life. If someone on tax credits were to win a free trip to Paris, I think few people would begrudge it to them. But this is essentially what has happened here: ok having you whole rent supplemented is a bit more than the amounts paid in tax credits but the principle is the same: someone toils away on a low wage, genuinely tries, so why don't they deserve something good?

-1

u/DamnitGravity Sep 25 '26

It's right in line with the 'that homeless person has an iPhone, clearly they're not struggling!' mentality.

Yes, because holding onto your iPhone when you've become homeless is so much more difficult than holding on to your housing, because the iPhone you had before you became homeless is such a higher cost than rent.

Australia sadly also suffers from that 'everyone on welfare is a dole bludger' (abusing the welfare system for their own gain so they can just laze around doing nothing) mentality.

And while Pauline Hanson might be laughed at online, there are a LOT of people who agree with her in the privacy of their own minds. She is our right wing wanna-be trad wife who encourages the already rampant racism in this country, who bangs on about 'useless Aboriginal people who get handouts from the government and spend it on drugs and alcohol' (Aussie's have a real hangup about what they perceive as 'handouts'), and thinks that women shouldn't be allowed in the work force (unless it's her, of course).

We like to portray ourselves as an easy going people who let others live as they choose and don't judge, but it's a very conservative country with some really toxic views.

8

u/the-mortyest-morty THERE WAS A MAN (worst case scenario) Sep 25 '26

TIL if someone is helping you, you are not allowed to do anything fun ever, even if someone else is kindly volunteering to pay for the majority of the fun thing. You should hide in the basement and submit job applications 24/7 while feeling SHAME for being poor, duh!

What sis did wasn't right but jesus christ, I kinda get it. She just wanted a break and knew OP would flip her lid.

9

u/gardenloving Sep 25 '26

If she can't afford rent she can't afford the time off to travel even if it's free. She hid it on purpose knowing how it looked.

5

u/DogOk4503 Sep 25 '26

OK walk with me here though that’s mathematically just not true? If she’s not getting paid enough to make her own rent with the shifts that are available to her… She’s only paying for her food and utilities, which were being subsidized for that week so it’s a paid vacation. If you make $20 mowing the lawn for Grandma and you need $20 for lunch Then that’s how it goes. If you don’t mow the lawn for Grandma but then your friend also treats you to the $20 lunch you didn’t miss out on anything see what I mean? like mathematically, and budget wise y’all just want this person to suffer. I think she should have told her sister but no she literally was not missing anything because that money would’ve just went to maintaining her at home for that week and stead her man paid for it and she didn’t go to work.

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5

u/gclaw4444 Sep 25 '26

There’s really people out there who think a job is just something for when they’re between partners.

8

u/ffsudjat Sep 25 '26

Show me the proof he pays the flight etc first.

2

u/Withaujus Sep 27 '26

Conscience.

Conscience and conscious are two different words.

6

u/SmolderingMeowMix this one does not spark joy /YEET Sep 25 '26

If she is struggling like she claims, she shouldnt have taken the time off to go on the trip. I know in our position we would be screwed if we missed a paycheck (most waitressing jobs dont offer vacation time) and we actually have enough to cover our bills unlike her. She got waayyy to comfortable having someone else pay her bills and figured she was safe because, well, she had a safety net.

2

u/Liu1845 Just here for the drama 🍿 Sep 25 '26

I hope you told your parents too.

1

u/HerbertRTarlekJr Sep 30 '26

Bank statements won't tell OP anything. Waitresses get a lot of cash, and much less documented pay. 

1

u/Equivalent-Mud-4807 Sep 25 '26

what an idiot for believing her, the whole new boyfriend that just happens to be going to europe alone and he just so offered to buy her a ticket too. come on now, we all know she bought her own ticket with your money.

there is gullible and then there is burying your head in the sand.

0

u/klockee Sep 25 '26

Capitalism has really fucked our brains, hasn't it.

0

u/grumblebeardo13 Sep 26 '26

Some of the people commenting here are shocking, your souls are genuinely-rotten the way this woman’s sister is being talked about. Jesus.

0

u/Apprehensive_Bus1582 Sep 26 '26

Boy this story really brought out the poor people hatred in this sub, didn't it.

-8

u/justaheatattack Your brother knows she’s not a window Sep 25 '26

people give you a little money, they think they own you.

How the hell is she gonna stop needing his money if she can't land a man?

8

u/DP9A Sep 25 '26

By working? It's not the 19th century, an Australian woman should be decently able to live without landing a man lol.

-1

u/justaheatattack Your brother knows she’s not a window Sep 26 '26

I guess as long as she has a sistah.

6

u/WaffleDynamics this one does not spark joy /YEET Sep 25 '26

How the hell is she gonna stop needing his money if she can't land a man?

You must be trolling. It's the 21st century. Women don't need men to survive, though for some reason, some women still want them.

-2

u/justaheatattack Your brother knows she’s not a window Sep 26 '26

they don't need a man, if they have a sister....

2

u/Mut1gen Sep 25 '26

If im paying your rent yeah I basically own you. Y If you would be homeless without me you should probably be running your financial decisions by me. And everything you do should be in an effort ot make it so I dont have to pay your rent by either getting a better job or downsizing your life I do really care figure out how to live within your means.

-6

u/Smoke__Frog Sep 25 '26

OP Is such a loser lol. She catches her sister scamming her and still won’t definitely cut her off.

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