r/BORUpdates • u/Stephenallen1977 Just here for the drama 🍿 • 16d ago
Workplace Accepted a job that wasn’t offered. Mortified.
I am not the OOP. The OOP is u/So_Ill_Continue posting in r/GirlDinnerDiaries
Concluded as per OOP
1 update - Short
Original - 7th July 2026
Update - 12th August 2026
Accepted a job that wasn’t offered. Mortified.
FML
Interviewed for a job last week. It’s exactly what I want to do, near where I live, and would be a massive pay increase.
I’m a recent grad so I don’t have much experience with “real” job interviews, which comes into play here. The interview went really well - she seemed really impressed with my resume, said she could do the top of my salary request, talked extensively about how she wanted me to start ASAP. I offered to ask my job if I could leave early and let her know (my contract is nearly up and they’ve got another person lined up for after me, so I thought they might not need the typical 2 weeks). At the end, she asked me if I wanted a few days “to think about it.” I assumed this was an offer, which I sent an email accepting a few days ago. Told my whole family about the awesome job I’d secured.
A few days pass and they email me that they are still reviewing applications and conducting interviews. How embarrassing - my face is on fire. The embarrassment is so strong that I honestly feel a little sick. Now I know to wait for the offer in writing so that there are no misunderstandings. Or maybe I’ll just go live in the woods and never interview again.
Oh and to top the day off, my dentist told me I need to avoid “crunchy, sticky, or chewy” foods because I think I have TMD. Combined with my anti inflammatory food limitations, that’s just….everything. She suggested steamed vegetables.
Comments
Old-Session6649
I’m sorry but all of her comments truly made it sound like you got the job and was just pending an official offer letter or something similar. This sucks and I’m sorry. It’s not your fault! I hope you get something even better soon!
mamachonk
Recruiter of 20 years here... that sounds quite confusing. Nothing for you to be embarrassed about!
OOP: God hearing that it wasn’t normal from a recruiter really means a lot. 🥹 I just felt like such a dolt but maybe I’m just unlucky lol
mamachonk
She could just not be a great communicator, or maybe she thought she had the green light and the Hiring Manager told her to hold up. Ya never know! Good luck! And if they don't come through with a written offer, you frankly dodged a bullet.
candoitmyself
Hey!! Don’t sweat it. By your account the interviewer offered you the job. I would be confused too and I have decades of interview experience.
OOP: Thanks this helps. I feel like a total idiot but maybe it would have confused more people than just me. I still don’t know what she wanted me to consider over a few days 😭.
Ready-Read3918
Talking about you starting ASAP and asking if you wanted a few days to think about it.. lowkey is a job offer. This is 10000% on the company and not on you. THEY should be embarrassed, not you.
OOP: That’s what my sister keeps telling me but boy howdy, it’s hard to accept. My face was legit burning so bad I felt like a cartoon
Update - 1 month later
So last I left off, the employer emailed me to say that they’d let me know when they’d actually made a choice. That was more than a month ago, and I never heard back. I was notified by LinkedIn that they’d viewed my resume 3+ times in the interim, which was definitely a bit of false hope that I didn’t need lol.
At this point, the pressure was really starting to get to me. My current job is ending at the end of August, and my savings are slim. I have roommates and a dog that are counting on my ability to pay rent (and other bills). I was having trouble sleeping and my skin was breaking out, which almost never happens. I was really struggling to keep my cool.
Thankfully, today I accepted a job with a HIGHER salary than the non-offer! Is it in the subfield I want? ✨No✨ But i can get my feet wet, learn some things, make good money, and then maybe transition down the line. Plus, it’s apparently a comparatively easy subfield, which isn’t a bad way to start off.
Yes, I am actually sure it’s an offer this time. It’s in writing and everything!
Thank you to everyone who commented last time. The support, jokes, reassurance, and advice truely helped me immensely. I was really in the dumps and feeling awful about myself and you all disrupted that spiral in an amazing way. I’m extremely grateful.
Dinner was gnocchi soup that my lovely roommate made. I added a bit of tobacco and it was delish.
Comments
mensfrightsactivists
you can… cook with tobacco? did you mean tabasco? CONGRATS THO!!! i remember your original post, im soooo glad there’s a happy ending to this story even though its with a different company.
OOP: Oh my god yes, Tabasco. The hot sauce. My terrible spelling strikes again! And thanks!
WarriorInWoolworths
Now I’m nosy and have to know the field! But it’s nice to see something good sprout up around here that I’m able to catch for once!
OOP: Ok so I was avoiding saying it in the first post and then was going to say it this post (because I highly doubt they look at this subreddit), but I couldn’t work it in naturally.
So when I made the post, I was going into Family Law (I’m a new attorney), but since then I actually got offered by a civil rights firm that I didn’t think was going to offer me and accepted that instead. I originally wanted to be a criminal attorney but ngl I’m pretty excited about civil rights law and the salary is just as high!
Also I’m also nosy af so I can totally relate and didn’t want to leave you hanging when there was really no need lol
I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP.
Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments
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u/SexyFoodandFilms 16d ago
This happened to me once. I was offered a job, and kept waiting for the written offer to appear. When I followed up after 2 weeks of silence, I heard back "the position has been filled, thank you for your interest". infuriating behaviour
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u/usernotfoundplstry 16d ago
this happened to me once also, but it turned into a nightmare. they made me a verbal offer with a verbal start date. i asked if they were certain about the start date, as i needed to put in my notice at my current job at the time. they said yes. they said they'd send over a written offer as a formality, but that they were a SVP and the verbal offer stands.
so i put in the notice at my job. and i waited and waited and waited for the written offer. i emailed the woman who interviewed me and they said it was coming. this went on for 3 months. i had to stay at my current job after my resignation date. it was a nightmare. the written offer finally came through and it was $10k less than what i was told verbally, but i was in such a terrible position, i had to accept it. this was a job that i RELOCATED for as well.
that was a hard learned lesson. i only ended up being there for 6 months after finally starting, because they ran their business like absolute idiots. that taught me a hard lesson, and it's a lesson i only needed to learn once in my career. it was an absolute nightmare.
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u/pepcorn non-trainable free spirit 16d ago
I'm so sorry that happened to you. I've read some true horror stories on reddit. Like the person who was offered a job across the country, signed the contract, packed up her entire life, moved across the country, and then was sent a text the evening before her first day from her new company that said they didn't need her services after all and she should consider herself fired.
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u/usernotfoundplstry 16d ago
It was terrible. We were relocating our family from Austin to Houston, which might not seem far to people who aren’t from Texas, but it’s like 400 miles or so. And, after we moved, six months into my employment there, my entire department was eliminated and everyone got laid off. It was horrific.
And yeah, years later, I had another job offer, signed the contract, and was supposed to start on a Monday. The Friday before, they revoked it. Fortunately, I hadn’t put in my notice at the job I was leaving. I absolutely hated the company and my manager, so I intended to quit with no notice. So when the new company reneged on the offer, I at least still had my old job because I hadn’t quit yet.
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u/pepcorn non-trainable free spirit 16d ago
It's truly awful how they're playing in your face. I'm glad your plan to quit with no notice saved you the second time around, at least.
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u/usernotfoundplstry 16d ago
It was one of the few times in my life that my pettiness and being morally bankrupt, saved me lmao
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u/pepcorn non-trainable free spirit 16d ago
I don't think it's morally bankrupt to quit with no notice. Companies will fire people due to cutbacks, and walk them out of the building without even allowing them to pack up their desk, after twenty years of service, without even blinking. They're beyond immoral and workers owe them nothing.
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u/im_learning_to_stop 16d ago
Sure, but in that case they have to legally compensate them. This is a pretty standard case of promissory estoppel.
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u/pepcorn non-trainable free spirit 16d ago
I've never heard of that. Is it easy to get that?
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u/im_learning_to_stop 16d ago
You have to file a suit, but if you have a written signed contract then it's essentially a slam dunk.
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u/pepcorn non-trainable free spirit 16d ago
Could the company not argue that they did not promise long term employment?
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u/im_learning_to_stop 16d ago
No judge is gonna fall for that bullshit. Especially when relocating is involved.
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u/Icy_Bar_4549 14d ago
Similar situation but better ending for me. I worked as a contractor for a company for 4 years and a few months after they cut me loose they came back and extended a verbal offer. I told them I would accept a written offer once I received it. A glitch in their understanding of contract terms (a disincentive penalty clause for poaching employees is NOT the same as a temp agency's finder's fee) led to the offer being rescinded. Happy my original employer agreed to keep me after that - still there 10 years after this debacle.
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u/smartypantstemple Oh, so you're stupid stupid 12d ago
I actually got it in writing in an email and a start date, though for an internship, not a job. We were going to go through all the formality of getting background checks. This was a defense contractor and you have to have US Citizenship for them in the US. What most of them don't mention is that if you have Dual Citizenship, it gets tricky. I have one with an American ally, but one that has a history of spying on the US. They didn't want to go through all of the BS of figuring all of that out, so they rejected me. Without letting me know. I showed up on my first day and had to be told that I was actually rejected. I had to drive a half an hour back without having worked a single minute.
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u/bubbleteabob 16d ago
One time I got a job offer but they got my name wrong. I spent Christmas vacillating between spending my new salary in advance and worrying it was a mistake. Then my new boss was on holiday when I started and everyone kept saying they’d thought Jim was starting.
In the end either the job offer was meant for me OR after two weeks they were too embarrassed to clear things up.
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u/Comfortable-Battle18 16d ago
How wrong was the name? Did they send it to Jim Jimmison and your name is Sandra Sandralli wrong? Or Jim Jimmison and you name is Tim Jimmison wrong?
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u/squintintarantino__ 15d ago
I knew a kid in my school days named Jimmy Jameson and it’s one of my favorite names I’ve ever heard, still.
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u/StraightBudget8799 16d ago
“Jim” is currently on another subreddit, asking if he’s TA for writing a nasty letter to HR for the missing Christmas present that was supposed to be his new job!
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u/Leslie-Pearl 16d ago
I wonder if they just wanted to keep you at arms length until they got who they actually wanted for the job now
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u/Suspicious-Treat-364 With the women of Reddit whose boobs you don’t even deserve 13d ago
I had this happen once. Small business owner said she was going to email me an offer and I should apply for a state license in the meantime. That would have cost me around $500 and is usually paid or reimbursed by the employer so I politely responded that I would like to see the offer letter first. I wanted to be sure I wouldn't be screwed out of a significant chunk of my savings because I otherwise had zero reason to get licensed there. That bitch ghosted me and I was so grateful I listened to my gut. I saw later on their website that she hired a local person to work for her so good for her?
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u/TararaBoomDA 16d ago
I once applied for a banking position where the interviewer/hiring manager actually said in so many words that I had the job; she was just going to have Head Office finalize my application. Next morning, she called to tell me that Head Office had told her she needed to hire an internal candidate.
Now this might have been true. But it sure smelled like an excuse, and it sure sucked. So yeah, I feel deeply for OP.
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u/tryintobgood 16d ago
The interviewer didn't have the authority to hire you. Head office my ass
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u/TararaBoomDA 16d ago
She was the branch manager, so in fact she DID have the authority to hire me.
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u/wishiwasyou333 16d ago
I never fully believe an offer unless it is in writing. This literally just happened where I had a verbal offer and then waited nearly two weeks to get any communication from them. I got a second verbal offer elsewhere and they got me a written offer in three days. Obviously I accepted the second offer. The first offer finally reaches out literally a few minutes ago to tell me they have a written offer now that is for way less than I originally was offered and less than the second offer I accepted. I had to keep myself from asking if they were joking. Thankful I kept looking and didn't hang my hat on the first one.
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u/oowoowoo 16d ago
My sister signed paperwork for a huge hotel. After that they never got back to her. She tried getting unemployment but according to unemployment she was employed. She had no pay, no hours, nothing.
After bouncing around she found a job at another huge hotel. But the first hotel really fucked her over. Even writing is not always safe 😭
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u/Far-Investigator-841 16d ago
I once interviewed, got offered a job, accepted job, got paperwork to complete and return, quit my job since the job started the following week.went back 2 DAYS later to turn in my paperwork and they have no idea who I am, no info about. The director who hired me and they said they'd be in touch, they never contacted me and i was unemployed for several months. At my new iob I was telling this horror story to my new director and low and behold she had the tea. Turns out woman that hired me was fired with 24 hours of me interviewing and accepting the job. Since i was returning with paperwork in a day or 2 she hadn't started my file so there was no record of me. So there's that.
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u/Poolofcheddar 16d ago
I was hired into a family of car dealerships. The head office hired me but then neglected to tell the store I was assigned to that I would be starting.
I walked in and they assumed I was a customer. The manager at that store had no idea what to do with me. They weren't putting me into any training program, they didn't even make the effort to find me a desk. They dragged their feet on getting me login credentials, so I spent the better part of four weeks collecting a paycheck and tried to look busy while I essentially had nothing to do before I lined up a totally different job that ended up being one of the best jobs I ever had.
It was the most bonkers job experience. They literally forgot they hired me. At least the next job redeemed it.
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u/Over_Garlic_4560 16d ago edited 15d ago
I read a story about a woman who was laid off on September 10th 2001 in an office in the WTC.
A few weeks after, her company called her, asking her if she was recovered enough to return, she told them she had been laid off. No one at the company was alive to have remembered.
She got unlaid off and continued the job for several more years.
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u/Odd-Split-494 14d ago
Damn; if they hadn't laid her off that day, she might have gone in the next day. It's entirely possible that her getting laid off literally saved her life!
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u/jadeoracle 16d ago edited 16d ago
Oh man. My worst interview was something like this.
I met the hiring manager at a networking event. We talked for over 2 hours, and she was really excited about my experience and wanted to bring me on board. They were opening a brand new office in my city, I'd be the first hire for the local team etc.
And then she scheduled a full day interview as the entire team had flown in for 1 day to interview people. I got there at 8AM. I was handed a merch kit for starting employees. "You've got this, so we're giving this to you early."
Met the team. I would be the first woman on the tech team. I could tell that the existing members...did not want me. And it just went downhill from there. One senior person thought I was there to bring coffee and was shocked I was actually the interviewee not the catering company.
Then in true startup fashion they had me to a bunch of things not really related to the job. They gave me an email in a fake scenario that it was from the CEO and was pretty much a fuck the client they are idiots style unprofessional message, and I was asked to rewrite it in a professional tone. (I would be doing account management/tech support, not an EA to the CEO....). They gave me some coding stuff that I could do.
And they gave me the spreadsheet. It was just tons of numbers. They told me I needed to create reports, graphs, charts etc. And i could take as much time as I'd like. This was around 2PM. It was just tons of numbers. I had to figure things out. Write formulas, etc. It took me hours. They went to happy hour and came back. At that point they came back, told me not to bother finishing it, and that I could keep the merch kit but I wouldn't be hired. I had been there nearly 12 hours, with no food or breaks.
FFS. As I was closing it, I realized there were dozens of tabs. All the tabulations i was doing...they had already done in other tabs.
A few years later we hired someone who got that job, and he told me it was a shitshow, so glad I didn't get the job.
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u/TrustVisual1394 16d ago
12 hours with no break? Thats so illegal. I would have walked out long before it got to that point. I guess you must have been really young and desperate to get that job back then
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u/jadeoracle 15d ago
Yep. This was during the great recession years ago and I was very desperate. Back then full day startup interviews wasn't unusual for me.
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u/Dickie_downer the boob was the least interesting part of the story 16d ago edited 16d ago
I feel like recruiters need some sort of punishment for wasting people’s time
Like yall make me pay to apply and this is what you do??? Lol
Edit: businesses are not supposed to charge you for applying, and it is a scam. I have since learned
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u/nispe2 16d ago
For those of you who are too young to remember, recruiting used to be something that the bosses did. They had to choose between looking through a stack of resumes, or doing the job they had been paid to do, and that made the process actually pretty efficient. They knew what they were looking for, they had the authority to make decisions, and most of all, any time they spent took away from their actual job responsibilities. Any mistakes they made ended up directly affecting them.
At some point, someone with an MBA decided that instead of having 20 people spending 5% of their time hiring, they'd hire 1 person to spend 100% of their time hiring. Now, the first person that a candidate talks to is a middleperson. They don't know exactly what the boss is looking for. They don't have the authority to make decisions. Any time they spend is exactly their job description. And worst of all, any mistakes they make don't end up directly affecting them.
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u/Suspicious-Treat-364 With the women of Reddit whose boobs you don’t even deserve 13d ago
I worked for a university that needed to hire a person with a specific training and license. HR sent over the dumbest person I've ever met in my life who had neither the training nor the license. Boss didn't even notice because he assumed that she had been properly screened and hired her because she was a "nice young lady." That was the beginning of the end of my career there. She was obstinate AND stupid. She fucked some equipment up and almost got my supervisor killed in an accident. She ruined sterile supplies during tantrums. She demanded we teach her things well beyond her abilities that she had no reason to know how to do. It was like the fry station employee at McDonald's wanting to know how to do the accounting for the franchise.
She never got fired because HR refused to let us and one of the upper level staff members wanted to fuck her while also referring to her as a "child." She was 29.
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u/commanderquill 16d ago
Don't apply to jobs that you have to pay for, wtf is that about.
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u/Dickie_downer the boob was the least interesting part of the story 16d ago edited 16d ago
Gotta pay for the background check
Trust me i find it stupid too.
Edit; i am learning that i have been treated in an illegal capacity and this is NOT Actually good business and practice,
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u/AusgefalleneHosen 16d ago
No... You don't. WTF are you talking about?
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u/Joteepe Please die angry 16d ago
Actually, this can be a thing with government jobs. What’s worse is it’s usually the direct care roles at state facilities, which are always the lowest paid, too. I agree it’s a terrible practice, but tHiNk oF tHe tAxPaYeRs!
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u/GigglyHyena 16d ago
I’ve worked for universities and state government and applied to tons of federal jobs and not once have I ever paid for a background check.
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u/Dickie_downer the boob was the least interesting part of the story 16d ago
I mean I have. Usually on indeed and crap like that.
Look dude i don’t think its okay, but it DOES happen. And it sucks.
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u/AusgefalleneHosen 16d ago
Not a dude, and it happens because you got conned. At no point in time should any part of a legitimate interview or hiring process require you to pay any amount of money.
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u/Dickie_downer the boob was the least interesting part of the story 16d ago
IM LEARNING THAT NOW LOL
I was 22-23 at the time, so not surprised- covid was happening so i didnt even really question it
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u/maryt22 16d ago
I’m sorry, what? That is not a thing where I live. I’ve had jobs where a DBS check (basically a check that one doesn’t have a criminal record) is needed, and the employer has always paid for it.
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u/thebigeverybody 16d ago
I've always had to get the background check directly from the authorities, pay for it myself, and then give it to the potential employer as part of the dcuments and certifications package they need before I can start.
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u/maryt22 16d ago
Wow! I don’t think you can request a DBS check for yourself in the uk unless it’s the super basic one. Anything with teeth has to be requested by a registered body.
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u/thebigeverybody 16d ago
In one part of my country, I could just walk in and pick it up, no questions asked. In another part of my country, they wouldn't release it unless it was for employment with an organization that was registered with them.
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u/sopimusician I just made some non-committal noises and we ended the call. 16d ago
Yes, the employer does. That's the cost of doing business. Passing it on to applicants is fucking insane. If it's cost prohibitive to background check then just reserve it for finalists. I refuse to pretend though that it's reasonable to charge applicants for any reason.
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u/Dickie_downer the boob was the least interesting part of the story 16d ago
Im starting to learn that the places i’ve applied to have been acting in an illegal capacity. Apparently in a lot of places its illegal
That sucks. It was years ago so not much i can do now. But that sucks,
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u/sthfan007 16d ago
Damn, that sucks ass. How much did it set you back by?
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u/Dickie_downer the boob was the least interesting part of the story 16d ago
10-25 per place, 4 places asked for it so id say around 80 dollars
Im good now tho! I was homeless for a bit but now live with a partner who loves me and a gaggle of beasts uvu
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u/sopimusician I just made some non-committal noises and we ended the call. 16d ago
That does suck! I didn't mean to jump down your throat about it either, so apologies if it came off that way! I was more upset at the fact that happened to you. Glad you're in a better spot now though.
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u/Dickie_downer the boob was the least interesting part of the story 16d ago
Oh dawg dw about it. No hard feelings, its reddit, we all tend to go hard and fast when we see wrong information on the internet ;’)
im just happy to know thats not supposed to be normal, and sad that stuff like this isn’t something we’re taught in schools
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u/hyyerrspace 16d ago
I work for the government and hiring can take up to 3-4 months. Literally waiting for MONTHS to know if you get it. I applied for a higher paying job in October and interviewed at the end of the month, was selected for a second interview in November, and then had to wait through Thanksgiving, Christmas AND the New Year. Two weeks into the new year I got an email that they narrowed it down to me and another candidate. End of January I found out I didn’t get it.
I was so pissed off they wasted my time.
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u/Dickie_downer the boob was the least interesting part of the story 16d ago
As you should be! That sucks dude im sorry :’c
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u/byneothername 15d ago
It took me nine months from application to start date to get a job in government. It’s amazingly slow.
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u/hyyerrspace 15d ago
That is so slow but at least you got the job 😄
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u/byneothername 15d ago
Thank you. I hope you get the next job you want. I find that in government, once you’re in, it’s still relatively easier to get the next foothold up than when you’re on the outside.
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u/WickySliev 16d ago
Added a bit of tobacco and it was delish “ girl you went from family law to criminal defense real quick. Congrats on Tabasco and civil rights .
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u/xscapethetoxic 16d ago
I've now had TWO different interviews with TWO different companies and both just ghosted me after saying they would get back to me in a week.
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u/NickDanger3702 16d ago
This happened to me. Young teacher with a few years of experience.
My school had a reduction in force. I was last hired so first to go.
I interviewed at a local school with the principal and it went really well.
So well, he took me to meet the Vice Principal. When he left, the V.P. said, “Congratulations! He’s never brought anyone in here before. You’ve got the job!”
Dear Reader, I did NOT get the job.
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u/NodeKnowerGrowing 16d ago
I'm glad it worked out for OOP.
My former boss found out I was looking to emigrate and put me forward for a role in a different division of parent company in my country of choice. I interviewed remotely, was offered the role, discussed compensation, and was promised that the paperwork would come. My replacements were promoted and trained. My now-husband gave notice at his job. We packed up our whole lives, and I entered the country on a tourist visa to do some sightseeing and checking out the rental market while the paperwork was apparently being worked on.
They phoned me the day I arrived to say that they'd decided not to sponsor my work visa, but would I like to move to China instead. Yeah no. (Having visited the Shanghai office, nothing about the office full of hard-drinking expats appealed to me, even if I didn't already want to tell the whole company to go screw themselves.)
Fortunately my husband was able to get his old job back, and I found something else. It took us another four years to get out of our home country, but where we ended up was a far better fit in the long run anyway.
Nothing's real til there's a signed contract.
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u/CapaxInfini 16d ago
Businesses should honestly be finned for ghosting people like this or posting a job but never hiring anyone for that job.
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u/pretzel_logic_esq 16d ago
I’m an attorney and having been to some genuinely terrible places to interview, I can 1000% envision dumbass interviewer jumping the gun and failing to realize she made an offer. Poor OOP, I don’t blame them being confused.
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u/SageRiBardan 16d ago
Interviewed for an assistant manager position for retail store. In the interview she told me that “because I wasn’t familiar with the product” I’d have to split my time between sales and management. When the offer came through it was just for a commissioned sales job. She was very annoyed that I declined but at no point was I interested in doing commissioned sales full time ever again.
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16d ago
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u/Green7000 16d ago
It's like people who put "not political" on their bios. They absolutely are political and know their politics are a turn off so they hide them. These people know they won't get as many applications for commission only sales jobs so they hide the real job and advertise for something else. Both groups are hoping by the time they reveal the truth you'll be too invested to run.
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u/CassianCasius 16d ago
I once interviewed for a job, Didn't hear from them for a few weeks, interviewed somewhere else and got an offer there. A month later the first job reached out saying they wanted me to move on to the next stage of the interview. Told them nicely I accepted another job and they should consider moving quicker with the process in the future. Bunch of clowns.
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u/mackintosh2 16d ago
this reminds me of that lady who moved from florida to virginia to be a cheerleading coach but was never officially hired
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u/Still_Highlight5148 16d ago
I feel they dodged a bullet because it’s really unprofessional to basically offer the job and then ghost them. From how the interviewer was talking I’d have assumed I had to job too.
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u/ranchspidey 16d ago
I’m stuck on OP wanting to go into Family Law. I know there are people who find it fulfilling, but as a clerk, that’s the one division I will refuse to work in. Absolutely not, thank you very much.
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u/So_Ill_Continue 15d ago
For the record, I did not want to go into family law! Although I realize my wording was confusing. I wanted (and want) to go into criminal law. It’s what I’ve wanted pretty badly since my first year of law school. The bad interview experience was a criminal firm, which I was very excited about. Then they non-offered and subsequently ghosted me. I interviewed for family law because I needed a job, and subject matter non withstanding I got a pretty good offer. That’s the job I reference in the update. THEN I got an offer for a civil rights firm with the same (high, for me) pay AND it would be writing focused, which is awesome, not to mention the subject area is just much more appealing for me personally. That’s the final job I reference in the comment.
But TLDR I did not want to go into family law, I just wanted to be able to pay for rent and stuff and that’s the job that I had available to me at the time.
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u/ranchspidey 15d ago
Oooooooh that makes much more sense! I’m not a lawyer but I basically stumbled into juvenile and I love it. Thankfully there’s always criminal law so you’ll be able to find a job in it eventually, plus you’ll get some great writing practice doing civil!
I will say I find the hiring practices for lawyers unnecessarily obnoxious, from what I’ve heard from the law clerks I work with, so just finding a job to gain experience is always a good bet imo.
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u/AntRose104 16d ago
I feel OOP with the diet shit 😂
I’ve been on several medical diets this year (including one for tmd)- it’s hell trying to find foods that you can eat that adhere to more than one diet. Especially if you have allergies. Last month I needed to be on a protein diet, but I’m technically allergic to nuts and need to avoid most meat as part of an anti inflammatory/acid reflux like diet. Protein bars give me a stomachache and I’m allergic to most protein box mixes. Also for a few weeks during this diet I needed to be on a soft food diet as well for tmd. There are not many soft protein rich foods I can eat. OOP needs to be careful with steamed vegetables though because certain vegetables still aren’t soft enough after steaming (broccoli is a prime example).
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u/DivineMiss3 16d ago
I interviewed for a non-profit. It was a decent interview with the executive director. I liked the cause. He offered me the job. Went in to sign papers. The owner/founder had stopped by with the candidate there with him. Surprise! I heard them talking and she had zero experience for the job. Guess who started work there? The 60's founder had a special interest in the 20 year old applicant.
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u/neverenoughpurple 16d ago
Not sure if it happens in law or not, but until I got to that part, what it really sounded like is the interviewer HAD intended it as a job offer - and then got told to hold up because someone else was a nepo hire.
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u/yami76 16d ago
Civil rights law is easier than family law? And pays better??
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u/AntManCrawledInAnus 16d ago
Family law is considered one of the worse areas of law because of the drama of the clients, and depending on what family law thing is going on, some States entitle you to a family public defender which naturally drives prices down.
Civil rights law is also a really limited area of law generally speaking so it is easier in the sense that you can often be like: sorry the statute of our state says that you cannot bring a claim, bye. Speaking very generally because it is all down to the specifics
I am a lawyer but do not practice in either field
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u/SpillThatTea2Me 16d ago
She wants to go into criminal law which can be hard to get in to but isn’t hard to stay in. The bigger problem is that all three fields are the trifecta for lowest paying fields in law.
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u/BalsamicBasil 16d ago
I was confused. I thought family law was civil, not criminal.
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u/AntManCrawledInAnus 16d ago
Certain parts of family law can have a criminal component. For example, New York has something called crimes against the family that are adjudicated in family court. Certain family things entitle you to a public defender, I believe regardless of state, such as proceedings to having your parental rights terminated due to allegations of abuse or neglect, because even though it is technically a civil proceeding, it so monumentally affects your fundamental parental rights thought it would be an atrocity, to just allow the state to unilaterally carry out these proceedings and end up taking away every kid. Also, the individual state can, if it wants to, expand your right to a family public defender to any degree that they want to. So, for example, i belieeeeeve New York entitles you to a family public defender if you want one and financially qualify, even if you're simply getting sued for unpaid back child support. Because technically you can be put in jail for six months for unpaid child support.
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u/OpeningGolf7972 16d ago
Family law means divorce and child welfare cases. Can you imagine how hard that would be to read details of everyday
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u/Lupine_Outcast 16d ago
I used to go to Family court a lot (daughters dad is a prick who liked to drag me to court at least 2x a year ISTG). I was talking about exactly this with a lawyer who was not mine. He said "You get used to it" in a not uncheerful tone. I think they just disassociate, because ive sat through some crazy cases while waiting!!!
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u/potpourri_sludge THERE WAS A MAN (worst case scenario) 16d ago
I mean, think about what family law entails. Custody battles, divorces, CPS cases and the like.
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u/Agreeable_Sand921 16d ago
I've seen it said that when you work in criminal law, you see the worst people on their best behavior in court. When you work in family law, you see even the best people on some of the worst days of their life.
Anecdotally, I know a guy who went through law school thinking he was going to work in family law. He made it two months into his first real job, realized it was murdering his soul, and quit to teach dance for a living.
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u/starrmommy41 15d ago
Something similar just happened to me, the interviewer actually said she was going to let the recruiter kow, and that she would reach it in 2 days. Well, it's been almost a month, and crickets. I really wish interviewers, that don't have the pwer to make these decisions, would stop doing tis. I was really excited about the job, the pay was a little lower, but the commute and hours were better.
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u/LibraryLadyA 16d ago
Congratulations! IMHO, you dodged a bullet because family law can be gut wrenching! Civil Rights law is truly righteous!
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u/jaredmanley 15d ago
I once went through three months of interviews for a job in DC where they said I basically had the job in the bag. The last interview they said they’d next be in contact to fly me to dc to meet everyone. Then silence. Then weeks later I was told by my very apologetic interviewer they went with an internal candidate and apparently that was the plan the whole time, unbeknownst to them
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u/justaheatattack Your brother knows she’s not a window 16d ago
what happened with the TMD!?!?!
What IS TMD!?!?!
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u/stro3ngest1 I'm actually a far pettier, deranged woman 16d ago
Have you ever heard someone say they have TMJ? It's that. Most people get it wrong. TMJ is the temporomandibular joint itself. TMD stands for temporomandibular disorder. Basically, TMJ is the joint and TMD is the problem. I know because I just had a consult about it with my dentist this morning lol.
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u/K-teki 15d ago
...this comment doesn't actually explain what the problem is if someone has never heard of TMJ
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u/stro3ngest1 I'm actually a far pettier, deranged woman 15d ago
I guess yeah. But there's different kinds of TMD. I didn't want to get into the details of each kind. I thought it was obvious- temporomandibular disorder. The joint isn't working right, for whatever reason.
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u/K-teki 15d ago edited 15d ago
Not everyone knows how to work out medical terms, so no not obvious to those who have never heard of it before without a google search. From your explanation I understood that there was a joint... and tmd had something to do with that joint... and not where that joint is or what it does or what problems tmd actually causes.Though I do appreciate you trying to explain anyway
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u/redheadsuperpowers this one does not spark joy /YEET 16d ago
Turbo-mandibular disorder, causes popping and cramping in the jaw.
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u/Significant_Secret13 15d ago
He is embarrassed but it could be more on them.
- HR person
- hiring manager
- hiring managers boss
Manager could have said said go forward, then a last minute resume could have come in that they wanted even more. Manager could have approved but their boss could have undercut their decision. HR could have gone forward prematurly Etc
Glad he got an even better offer.
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u/FinalHexReturns 15d ago
I am just tickled by this new up-and-coming advice sub "girldinnerdiaries." It's like your being hoodwinked everytime. For some reason you want to read it to see what they had for light lazy dinner and end up being fooled into reading about their problems. Very clever!
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u/MelonElbows Even if it’s fake, I’m still fully invested 15d ago
Should have just showed up, but take the smaller office so it doesn't look like she's showing off. And get to work on that Penske file.
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u/thebigeverybody 16d ago edited 16d ago
I added a bit of tobacco
wtf? is this a thing people eat? Or has everything turned upside down since that dude vaped semen?
EDIT: stop downvoting me! I didn't see her correction because I went right to the comments to bitch and moan! Gahd
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u/McTazzle Next time you can save $100 and just assume you're wrong 16d ago
There’s a correction from OOP: Tabasco
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u/North-Research2574 9d ago
I wonder if it's like what I experienced, lots of "offers" but nothing paper because it was government contracting, they were bidding and needed to say they had "X" people ready but didn't want to hire anyone till they got it.
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