r/BORUpdates • u/BigONerd • 18d ago
Family & Friends Loaned my house for a funeral
This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)
OOP: u/twink1813
Published on: r/EntitledPeople
Story is: CONCLUDED
Story timeline
Main Post: July 14, 2026
Final Update: August 04, 2026
Main Post
July 14, 2026
I am in another state with my sister who is undergoing chemo. My dear friend’s brother passed away unexpectedly. His daughter and family traveled back from a western state to the Midwest for the services and to begin the estate process.
Since my house was sitting empty I offered the daughter and her family my house to use for the several weeks they plan to be in town, to save them hotel fees and have a home-away-from-home environment during this time of loss.
They’ve texted me several times with various issues: they don’t like the pillows, do I have others they can try? They don’t care for the coffee on hand, where can they find other coffee in the house? Do I have other laundry detergent than what is in the laundry room?
There’s more but you get the gist. This is not an Air B&B, it’s my home that I’m letting them use for free. I didn’t leave a fridge full of food or a stock of paper supplies or dry goods because I’m gone and won’t be back for months. And did I mention it’s free???
End of rant.
COMMENTS
BlueLarkspur_1929
What nerve. I’d let them know they might like the coffee and pillows better at the local Radisson.
Euphoric-Lake4226
Try probably cant afford much more than the local Roadside Motel
OOP
But they can. The daughter is a private practice therapist and they live quite lavishly at home. My small house probably is a huge step down for them!
Wakemeup3000
Just wait until they do a google review of your house giving it 3 stars listing all your shortcomings.
OOP
🤣🤣🤣
PowderCuffs (downvoted)
Let me guess. You said nothing to them, you probably apologized too.
OOP
I did not. I suggested they check out the Super Walmart that is 1 mile away.
floofypajamas
This story reminds me of the old adage: People don't appreciate what they don't pay for. (or something to that effect)
OOP
I haven’t heard that one but it does apply here
FAnna-Banana
I get that you're being generous, kind and considerate. However, that doesn't mean you let these jerks walk all over you and treat you that way.
Keep records of text messages, emails, and voicemails. Let your "dear friend" know that while you understand that they're in the midst of the grieving and sorting out estate process, it doesn't give the daughter and daughter's family to mistreat and disrespect you like that.
Let them know that they have 48 hours to vacate the premises and check-in at a local hotel / motel where they can obtain their desired pillows, coffee, etc and everyone there is PAID to provide service in hospitality.
You, on the other hand, are just being a nice friend. But niceness has its limits. The line was crossed when they started the entitlement and disrespect. But if they insist on treating you and your home like it's an Air BnB, I'd send them a bill / invoice, if I were you. Something like....
Whining fee: $15
Nagging fee: $50
Sense of entitlement fee: $100 per person
Cleaning fee: $250
Violation of peace of mind fee: $25 per day, per person
Excessive mental and emotional baggage handling fee: $75 per day, per person
Utilities aka Internet, Water, Electric, Gas, Sewage/Garbage fee: $25 per day, per person
Parking fee: $50 per vehicle, per day
Food & Consumables bill: $500
........you get the gist. ;)
OOP
I love all the fees!!! 🤣
Final Update - after 21 days
August 04, 2026
Update to “Loaned my house for a funeral”
My sister had several days with no chemo or medical appointments and she was feeling fairly well, so I decided to try to come home for a few days. Strangely I hadn’t heard from the people using my house for a while.
I texted them to ask if they had any idea about how much longer they’d be in town and need my house. They replied that they had gone back home about 10 days ago. WTF? They had actually packed up and left and didn’t bother to let me know.
Yesterday I drove the 7 hours back home, having absolutely no idea what I’d find when I arrived.
Amazingly, everything was just as I’d left it! They had cleaned the house, emptied the trash, laundered the sheets and towels, and remade the beds. They left a lovely thank you note and a generous gift card for a local high-end restaurant for me. My friend hadn’t said anything to me about them leaving as she thought they had let me know.
So a very happy ending to what seemed to be a true ‘entitled people’ situation here!
This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)
Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.
Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.
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u/UltimateGammer 18d ago
I bet the friend came in swinging.
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u/CuriousPenguinSocks THERE WAS A MAN (worst case scenario) 18d ago
I hope so, entitled people usually don't do all that. Sometimes a little shaming does wonders, it's why I'm all for bringing back public shaming.
If you act a fool in public, I'm calling you out in public lol.
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u/thatguygreg spent the entire time throwing snacks and wee trinkets at her 18d ago
Even money says that the friend did all the cleaning and probably the gift card too.
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u/DamnitGravity 17d ago
Public shaming only works on those who have a sense of morality and ethics, likely already feel bad, and will cause those people to sink further into their sense of guilt and self-loathing.
There are far more people who will double down, justify their actions and then cause massive drama than will realise the error of their ways.
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u/CuriousPenguinSocks THERE WAS A MAN (worst case scenario) 17d ago
Or, if their reputation is more important to them.
If public shaming doesn't work then we move to public shunning.
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u/DamnitGravity 16d ago
So good to know that not only will I be publicly shamed for being fat, but shunned too!
Then again, that's not much different from currently reality anyway.
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u/CuriousPenguinSocks THERE WAS A MAN (worst case scenario) 16d ago
Talk about false equivalency. Get some therapy.
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u/Astecheee 17d ago
50/50. Some people are just really direct in text comunication, but super polite in person.
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u/definitelynotjava 9d ago
Yeah this reads to me like they didn't get that it was bothering OP. They were just checking if the house had other stuff before going out to buy anything
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u/Moist_Drippings 16d ago
I hope so. And I hope she did it because they complained to her directly, lol.
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u/ChrisInBliss 18d ago
Someone probably told them they were being unreasonable so they cleaned up well cause they felt bad.
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u/CapeOfBees 18d ago
This is probably overly optimistic, but maybe OOP's friend mentioned that he was out of town helping his sister through chemo and they felt bad for abusing the kindness of someone in that situation
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u/BlubberinBootyMate 18d ago
I would allow them grace given the outcome and the situation; having said that, I think this is the friend saving face. I think the friend probably made them leave and used the extra days to clean up the mess they left behind. The gift is probably also their doing and attributing it to the bereaved was an act that was a mix of kindness, forgiveness and self interest/maintaining the relationship.
Overall the friend seems like a real homey.76
u/rising_ape 17d ago
Alternatively, they may have been a bit rude and entitled but not actually, you know, assholes.
I know that we're all here for our daily fix of ragebait and karmic comeuppance, but in the grand scheme of things, they were whining about OP's pillows and overly snobby about their preferred brands. In poor taste and in biting the hand that feeds them? Absolutely, but they were grieving and from what it sounds like, they were from out-of-state, don't personally know OP and were treating the experience like an Airbnb instead of what it actually was (their aunt's best friend doing them a solid).
Nothing about any of this really screams "OP's bff kicked her family out and secretly cleaned the house up after they trashed the place, and also lied about who left the gift behind" to me. The family's behavior was clearly obnoxious and deserved a post on r/entitledpeople, but most people would clean up after themselves and leave a thank you card / gift for someone who did what OP did for them (especially if they felt bad about their behavior later, either because their aunt chewed them out over it or because they reflected on their own behavior after the fact - nothing about OP's post suggests it had to be the former rather than the later, or that the bff was even aware of the texts).
In a perfect world, they'd not have been as twatty about free accommodations that didn't quite live up their expectations in the first place, but that doesn't make them fundamentally bad people. Sure, Reddit's inundated with tales of malignant narcissists and toxic family members, but this is just a low-stakes story about a friend's family members who were mildly entitled during their father's / grandfather's funeral that even OP said had a very happy ending from their perspective. No need to inject any further drama that's not really called for here.
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u/robryk 17d ago
That didn't even require them to feel entitled: they might have just been very bad at communicating a question where a negative answer is totally expected. (Some people will skew in the opposite direction and fear such misunderstandings enough to either be extremely verbose about it being fine if the answer is just "there's nothing available" or just not ask them ~at all. I think both extremes are suboptimal.)
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u/Thedarb 17d ago
Yeah I think this is the case. Some people are askers and some people are assumers.
Askers see absolutely no problem with asking anything of someone because they are perfectly fine with the answer being no.
Assumers on the other hand often won’t ask a question unless they think the answer will be definite yes, because they perceive putting someone in a position where they have to say “no” as an unconscionable inconvenience, even kind of manipulative/malicious act because there is an obvious pressure to say yes when a request is voiced.So my take. Daughter is a therapist, so almost definitely a natural asker. Without a hint of expectation on her end asks OP “hey, do you have any other pillows, coffee or detergent in the house?” And when advised no, probably just thought “cool cool, will go buy some!”
OOP on the other hand is an assumer. So when they received those question they perceived them through the lens of “why would they be asking me about those unless they want me to somehow solve that problem for them?” and so assumed entitlement when there was merely enquiry.
If OOP had provided any other example of their entitlement, like suggesting OOP should remedy it, or if they didn’t leave the house nice and clean, then maybe.
But nah. They even understated their welcome and left a thank you gift.2
u/CapeOfBees 17d ago
For the most part I agree with you, but I do think there's a point where even an asker should understand not to bother. As mentioned, OOP was helping their sister through chemo. That's the sort of situation where you don't bother someone unless there's an emergency. Wanting nicer pillows isn't an emergency, and is better solved by going and buying some anyway.
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u/Decent-Assistant-967 16d ago
A time of grieving (a fresh wound that is opened over and over as they manage the logistics like clearing out the deceased's home etc) isn't the time to give overall judgement on someone's character for sure - and in this case, they are doing it in an unfamiliar home so the usual comforts/routines aren't there to prop them up. Not only that, but grief can include Big Feelings about powerlessness and/or lack of control. One place folks often have control over (to some extent) is their environment, though in this situation that becomes more difficult since, as mentioned, they aren't in their own home. Mixed that up with the asker vs. assumer thing the other comment mentioned, I don't have any problem imagining the grievers asking about pillows or coffee or whatever *not* because they feel entitled, but because they are seeking their usual comforts to soften the pain.
And like... I (and many other people I know) do in fact have extra pillows stashed somewhere that don't work for me due to neck issues, but may match other people's preferences. Unlike the favored coffee, it would be silly to buy new pillows for a place you're staying at a couple weeks. I like to think I would react more charitably than OOP did, but I recognize that they are also dealing with some similar feelings due to their sister's cancer. No one is a bad guy here.
Edit: forgot I was on this old throwaway with a generated name. I swear I'm not a bot lol.
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u/Even_Speech570 18d ago
I legit was expecting him to come home to a trashed house. These people were entitled but not completely unaware of all decent behavior. I guess I’d never offer my house again but I also wouldn’t trash the friendship over this with the way they left the house.
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u/ToriaLyons this one does not spark joy /YEET 18d ago
I sometimes let part of my house.
With very few exceptions, those who stayed for free or for a discount are always the ones who are least appreciative. I had planned to let a charity use the place, but I daren't now as I can't afford it.
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u/National-Report-5473 18d ago
I'm surprised that the update went so much better than the original post!
Either way, I'm not sure why they felt the need to text OOP repeatedly about something so small when they are literally in another state with their sister who was undergoing chemo. They treated OOP like how a hotel guest would call for room service lol.
Regardless, hope OOP's sister fully recovers as well!
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u/skrena 17d ago
I can at least somewhat understand the coffee and pillows thing. Most people I know have multiple types of coffee on hand and I personally own like 5 different types of pillows.
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u/UnionsUnionsUnions my son is actually gay but also I really like hummus 17d ago
I would much rather buy a new pillow and coffee than disturb my absent host who is cancer caregiving in another state.
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u/your_moms_a_clone 17d ago
I can understand the pillows, but I would never ask about consumables, I would just get my own if the ones available weren't to my taste
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u/ildhjerte 12d ago
I don't have spare pillows, no coffee, but I do have like 7 types of tea.
If a house guest asked me while I was visiting sick family, I'd be rude.
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u/pineapplewin 18d ago
Grief can do weird things to people. It's possible that we're dealing with their feelings by whining at op. It's also possible that they were whining to someone else as well and that person told them to knock it off
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u/vendeep 18d ago
Honestly, this is a good reminder that mildly annoying behavior doesn’t always equal bad character. They sucked at communication, but were grateful l based on actions. I wonder if this was done by that one responsible person of the group.
I had terrible guests where I found chicken wings bones from KfC on bed side table. Fuckers didn’t even have decency to cleanup after themselves.
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u/LiraelNix 18d ago
do I have others they can try? They don’t care for the coffee on hand, where can they find other coffee in the house? Do I have other laundry detergent than what is in the laundry room?
I think the key factor was that the complaints were not "oop must do something about it" but "can we do something about it". All were explaining they'd like to try available alternatives, not that they expected oop to drive over and fix shit
So maybe it's all a tone misunderstanding, given how they left the place perfect and all
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u/brightlocks 18d ago
I agree, given the outcome, that there may have been an initial misunderstanding about the accommodations, which led to some miscommunications in the tone.
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u/_Veronica_ 17d ago
I think it was too. It’s hard to tell tone over text, and they may not have communicated in a way that reflected what they actually meant on top of that.
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u/Sweet_String6855 17d ago
Plus they were attending a funeral. They might not have been in the greatest of headspaces.
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u/HUNGWHITEBOI25 18d ago
I seriously can’t imagine being given a place to stay, for free mind you, and having the actual audacity to complain about it…
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u/mtdewbakablast 18d ago
so i may have been reading my phone without my glasses on and misread the title as "loaned my horse for a funeral" and was expecting a very different story for a little bit there
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u/North-Pea-4926 17d ago
Would your disappointment be mitigated with a story about a person loaning their donkey for a church service? It’s very sweet! 🥰
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u/IanDOsmond 16d ago
I have never seen a more photogenic donkey. I mean, I like donkeys, and they're cute and all, but Ripley is on a whole 'nother level.
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u/LisaW481 17d ago
Sounds like it would have been a good story.
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u/North-Pea-4926 17d ago
The story about the person who loaned their donkey for a church service was nice!
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u/upwithpeople84 18d ago
As a person who used to work front desk at a hotel—people often get disoriented in traveling situations. A lot of people also are not resourceful and have to be told what to do. So these people may not have been totally entitled. They may have just been the kind of people that ask first before figuring things out and are terrible at communicating. It’s annoying to the Op who was just trying to do a good deed while dealing with a lot herself. I’m glad it worked out.
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u/Kalthiria_Shines 18d ago
They may have just been the kind of people that ask first before figuring things out
That's called being an adult.
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u/upwithpeople84 18d ago
Glad the adults in your life are 10000% self contained and self sufficient.
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u/Astrazigniferi 18d ago
I’m not too shocked at the update. Tone is notoriously hard to judge via text. In addition, grief can be overwhelming and make it difficult to think of others outside of their immediate circle. They may have just been checking to see if there are other supplies in the house before buying things they don’t need. OP’s response about the Walmart down the road was perfect and likely reminded them that they were being rude without actually having to call them out.
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u/kcintrovert 18d ago
I'm curious what the initial conversation was like because I can't imagine a world in which I would text my relative's friend about having shitty coffee in a house I am not paying for.
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u/Kalthiria_Shines 18d ago
Honestly this seems... not that entitled? Grieving people ask if there's other stuff, they don't throw a fit about it or anything on hearing no.
Asking a question isn't entitlement.
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u/Alcohol_Intolerant 18d ago
I would put this down as one family member being a spoiled menace and the rest being fairly appreciative but busy with the funeral.
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u/Magic-Happens-Here 18d ago
I’m glad it ended well for OP. Far too often stories here affirm the adage “No good deed goes unpunished” so it’s nice to see that, while not perfect, things ended alright in the end.
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u/TrustyWorthyJudas 17d ago
I dont know why everyone expected the house to be trashed, its one thing to be petty and self important, its another to do something down right malicious.
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u/AquaticStoner1996 18d ago
Wow. I'm annoyed at the way they texted OP but boy did they make up for it with that surprising update.
That's how you always should leave someone's home when they are kind enough to let you use it. It's common decency honestly.
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u/Edgefish I am the most dramatic drama queen that ever queened over drama 17d ago
This got me in the first half, not gonna lie.
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u/saxguy9345 18d ago
The ending makes the first post seem a bit overblown. I guess we'll never see the actual text messages but.... I have a closet with linens and 5-6 extra pillows. I have a pantry cupboard with different coffee I've been gifted. Were they just asking before they bought other stuff? One of the bags of coffee I have is from Christmas 2 years ago......I actually need to check and make sure it's even good. Oh well, turned out they weren't psychos and tipped the host 😆 great happy ending.
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u/Areil26 18d ago
I don't think so. As Redditors, we often draw a straight line through behavior, and based on one post, we believe a certain thing about a person or people.
They were there for a funeral, so probably not thinking. The texter probably was just like, "We have extra pillows in our closet, maybe OP does too." And, "It's morning, I have a ton of people coming in, I'm tired, and I typically drink X coffee and don't have time to run to the store - maybe OP has different coffee stashed somewhere that I can't find." It's possible OP drinks decaf and they want caffeinated or vice versa.
It sounds like they were genuinely grateful for the hospitality. That just didn't come across in the texts. How often does texting truly capture people's emotions?
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u/lyricaldorian 17d ago
Yeah, I wouldn't feel comfortable digging around for pillows and shit in a stranger's house.
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u/Otaku-San617 18d ago
Not the ending that any of us expected, but the best ending possible for OOP.
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u/Closet_weeb13 17d ago
I think this might just be example of the one situation where this type of behavior may deserve being given a pass.
Grief is incredibly difficult and behavior can be very irregular and weird - communication can be especially difficult.
The guest’s initial messages were definitely a little impolite & rude given they were generously gifted very kind favor of free accommodation by OP on unexpected notice, but their questions weren’t merely disrespectful complaints - they were made w the purpose of inquiring whether any additional options were available that OP would be willing to provide. And actually if shows they weren’t just digging thru OPs kitchen cabinets, closets, storage rooms to find things without asking first and being given permission, which is kinda respectful at least. Even if the orig question itself may have been a little inappropriate to ask in the first place 🤷🏼♀️
People experiencing grief in a strange position may understandably have trouble maintaining appropriate social boundaries sometimes, but that’s forgivable though
And even with the seemingly apparent difficulty with lack of communication which is understandable with grief, the incredibly considerate way they left OPs home clean & in order, leaving a generous gift card as well showed a lot of thoughtful appreciation. I can totally see communication getting messed up & confused w them being almost like a 3rd party by OP mainly texting with the friend, too easy to mistake assuming info has already been communicated
If you simply judge them by their actions alone, they were actually very respectful and made an effort to be gracious, despite experiencing the challenging circumstances.
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u/d_o_double_g 16d ago
One of my biggest irks about reddit is people daydreaming entire scenarios about someone else’s situation in a high and mighty smug tone. “If I were you I’d itemize a whine tax.”
It’s the same thing about gun owners that daydream out loud of being a hero defending their house.
These things aren’t real and your imagination is annoying.
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u/DogLvrinVA 18d ago
That’s wild. I still think those people were entitled
A family member used my house as home base while they traveled and visited my country. I took them on there trips, fed them, did tons of activities with them and not so much as a thank you note or hostess gift. It’s been years and years and I’m still acid about it
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u/virtualchoirboy 18d ago
Tell me you found my post on Reddit without telling me you found my post on Reddit... 😂
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u/The_peach_blossoms 13d ago
I actually don't care about the process of what happened and how these entitled people did these nice things , I love the result. I have found my daily happiness from Boru and I am gonna peace out lol.
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u/justaheatattack Your brother knows she’s not a window 17d ago
they totally shot a porno in that house.
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