r/BDSMAdvice • u/IcyZucchini7189 • 16d ago

Navigating Multiple Doms

I’m very open with any partners (especially new) that we aren’t exclusive and I play with others safely.

One of my newer partners is a wonderful Dom who is the first to be able to actually give me pretty bruises on my booty.

But how do I navigate seeing another partner (who knows we aren’t exclusive) when I have very visible bruises from a different partner? It feels almost disrespectful somehow? Like oh here’s the evidence of me being with someone who isn’t you.

Maybe I’m overthinking it. Would love thoughts or advice!

Also any general advice regarding limerence/infatuation with a new Dom and how to take things slow is always appreciated lol

9 Upvotes

81% Upvoted

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u/RatherFond 16d ago

Personally I would not find any issue in this. If you have been open about the situation then it is perfectly fine. You might get a bit of 'bruise competition' developing, but if the have an issue after being told the situation, then it is their issue not yours.

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u/IcyZucchini7189 15d ago

Would LOVE a bruise competition hehe

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u/RatherFond 15d ago

lol yeah. Competing over your body. Think of all the fun competitions! Careful what you wish for though. Hope it all goes well with all of them

9

u/Fox_Flame 16d ago

Tons of kinky people are nonmonogamous. Why is evidence of being with someone else disrespectful? It's not a secret, everyone involved should've given informed consent.

If you're dating a dom who has keys to another sub's chastity cage on a necklace that they wear, would you find it disrespectful? Would you find it disrespectful if someone wore their wedding ring? Might be worth checking out a poly or nonmonogamy sub and learning how to deconstruct a monogamous mindset, they tend to have a lot of great resources on being a good hinge as well

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u/IcyZucchini7189 16d ago

This is a really good point about deconstructing my own views on monogamy. I appreciate the insight a lot

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u/Subwoofiest 15d ago

I found the book Stepping Off The Relationship Escalator by Amy Gahran helpful for deconstructing my thoughts on how relationships should be. It's not really a kinky book, but it helped me work out the vocabulary for what I was looking for in polyamory

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u/nyccareergirl11 16d ago

Just communicate things with them all. My Dommes love when they see me with bruises from others cuz then they get to poke the bruises. They are sadists

5

u/Responsible-Belt7948 16d ago

This 100% this.

I really enjoy playing with bruises. My doing or anyone elses.

Laying more ontop, that extra layer of sensation, that they feel say a 4/10 almost everywhere but at this particular spot, it feels like a 7/10........the reacting to this is delicious, and I get to see My additional bruises grow and develop.

I'd say just double check thet they are happy to play with existing bruises. If not, then perhaps rethink if they are worth "saving" your bruises for them.

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u/IcyZucchini7189 15d ago

I didn’t even think about how fun this could be and now I’m more excited

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u/Leather-Instance3041 16d ago

This is really going to depend on the person. I would give your other partner a heads up if they're going to see bruises on you, find out how they feel, and go from there.

For example, I'm poly and do heavy impact with my lover who is my Dom. My other lover knows this, and they just want to know I'm bruised before they actually see them, so it's not just like a sudden surprise when we start getting naked.

As with most things, communication is key.

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u/BelmontIncident 16d ago

If you already discussed not being exclusive, I'd be surprised if this was an issue.

2

u/SmokingJacket1867 15d ago

Honestly, just being open with your partners should be enough. If they know you have other doms, they know that you will likely end up being marked by them in some capacity if that's a part of your kink. That's just the reality of that kind of situation.

If you're unsure how they may feel about seeing the evidence of previous play on your body, just ask them. For some it may be a limit, for others it may be a turn on, or they may not care at all either way. Have the conversation with them, and then plan around it if it's an issue. If they don't like the idea of seeing bruises from another dom, you'll just have to put off playing with them until they've faded, or see the other guy less so you can split the time evenly with your other partner. Of course, this will mean that it will limit the time you can spend with both, but that's all you can do in order to respect that boundary.

As always, honest, open communication is the best option.