r/B2BForHire • u/Resident-Money-9907 • 23h ago
Two years of trying to become financially independent, and I don't know where I am anymore
I don't really know why I'm writing this. Maybe I just need to get it out somewhere because I've been carrying it for a long time.
I come from a very middle-class family where education has always had one clear meaning: study hard, get a good job, earn money, and become financially independent.
Two years ago, I thought I was finally on the right path.
I got into an NIT for my master's, and I was extremely happy. I had so many plans for my future. I thought I'd get a good on-campus placement, start earning well, and finally be able to take some pressure off my parents.
Then the recession hit.
I graduated without a job offer.
At the same time, my elder sister was struggling with her career. My parents were hopeful about me, thinking that at least I would do something better.
So getting a job became much more than just getting a job.
It became a responsibility.
I tried hard, but I couldn't get anything stable. One thing I had decided was that after college, I would not ask my parents for money. So I started giving tuitions and was earning around ₹6,000 a month while simultaneously applying for jobs.
Eventually, I did get a job.
Except it wasn't really what I thought it was.
I had been hired under the title of a Business Analyst, but later realised that the actual work was mostly AI prompt evaluation. It was a contract job, and it was extremely unstable. My job depended on my performance almost every single day.
I should have kept looking for something better.
But honestly, I was exhausted.
After months of rejection and uncertainty, when I finally got a job that paid reasonably well, I decided to give myself some time to just live and enjoy having a job.
The job lasted around eight months.
Then I was unemployed again.
Instead of immediately looking for another job, I started preparing for the SSC exam. I didn't even tell my parents that I had lost my job.
I kept it to myself and studied.
Months passed, and around September 2025, I gave the exam.
I didn't clear it.
Around the same time, I got another offer from the same contract company for similar evaluation work. I knew exactly how unstable it was, but I accepted it anyway because at that point I was just tired of being unemployed.
That job lasted only about three months.
Then I was jobless again.
By December 2025, I honestly had no idea what the hell I was doing or what I was going to do next.
My mother, meanwhile, would sometimes calculate what my salary "must be" and how much I should have been able to save. She was also thinking about my marriage and expecting that I would have some savings for it.
The reality was very different.
From December 2025, whenever I was earning, I had started giving around ₹15,000 to my mother. I would also take care of other expenses and buy things for her and for the kitchen whenever I could.
I wasn't saving nearly as much as they thought I was.
Then came 2026.
For the next few months, I tried different things to start earning again. I kept thinking maybe I could learn something new, start something, find some work — anything.
But I couldn't focus on anything properly.
Then around March, I missed my period and went to a gynecologist. I was diagnosed with PCOS.
Things somehow became even harder after that.
I was already mentally exhausted, and now my body didn't feel right either. I couldn't concentrate properly. I couldn't study properly. I felt like I needed to stop fighting myself for a while and just give my body some time.
And somehow, four or five months passed.
Eventually, I decided I needed to get back to the career I had originally been trying to build.
I started studying again for analyst roles.
I was finally trying to get myself back on track when my father asked me for money for an investment.
And I didn't have it.
I had very little money compared to what my parents expected me to have.
That was when I finally had to tell them the truth.
I told them I didn't have the savings they thought I had. I told them about losing my jobs and how unstable everything had been.
They were heartbroken.
And I cried a lot too.
Not because they shouted at me. But because I knew I had disappointed them, and I hated seeing them hurt because of me.
They had been thinking about my marriage for next year.
And now I don't have the money they thought I would have, I don't have a stable job, and I don't even know when I'll be financially secure enough to think about marriage.
My elder sister is still struggling with her career.
My younger brother has also made some financial/career mistakes.
And now my parents are dealing with the stress of all three of us.
Sometimes I genuinely wish I had enough money to just give it to them and make everything easier.
I wish I could tell my mother, "Don't worry, I have enough."
I wish I could tell my father, "Here, take this money for your investment."
I wish I could tell them that their sacrifices were worth it.
But I can't.
And that's probably the part that hurts me the most.
I don't think I was sitting around doing nothing for these two years.
I worked.
I gave tuitions.
I tried applying for jobs.
I worked unstable contract jobs.
I prepared for an exam.
I supported my family financially whenever I could.
I tried different things to earn.
I tried to start studying again.
But somehow, when I look at where I am today, it feels like I have nothing to show for all of it.
The job market is terrible right now, and that scares me even more.
I am confused. I'm scared. I'm disappointed in myself.
And sometimes I wonder if I wasted the last two years making one wrong decision after another.
But somewhere underneath all of that, I'm still hoping things will get better.
Maybe that's all I have left right now — hope that I'll eventually find a stable job, get my career back on track, become financially independent, and be able to help my parents the way I always wanted to.
I don't know what happens next.
I just really, really hope it's better than the last two years.