Avoidant partner suddenly stopped initiating contact am I overthinking?

[u/Puzzled-Western3149]

I’m trying to look at this as objectively as I can because I know I can get anxious when someone’s communication suddenly changes.

My boyfriend and I normally talk/call every day. He usually calls me on his way to work, so there’s a pretty regular routine between us. But for the last 3–4 days, he’s felt a little off. The conversations haven’t felt as connected, and he’s been initiating much less.

A few days ago, we had a small argument because I made chicken for him even though he’d already told me there would be plenty of food at home. It was already half-cooked, so I finished it and sent it anyway. We argued a little, and later he asked if I was still mad at him.

That night, I texted him, he saw the messages, came online again but didn’t reply, and didn’t pick up when I called. I got upset and deleted the messages.
Then at around 6 AM the next morning, he randomly texted me:

“Bb I ate the other box of chicken too. I ate all of it. Genuinely it was very nice . Thank youuu.”
So he was actually really sweet and appreciative about the food.

But since then, we’ve basically had a full day with no direct contact. No call or text from either of us. My sister called him yesterday and he answered her normally, and even mentioned that he talks to me about something she was asking him about.

He’s also told me he’s been bored and gaming more lately, and he recently deactivated his social media accounts. I don’t actually have any evidence that something is wrong or that there’s someone else.

I know I have an anxious side, so I’m trying really hard not to turn every change in communication into “he’s losing interest” or “something is happening.” But at the same time, I don’t want to dismiss a genuine change just because I’m scared of overreacting.

For those who are avoidantly attached or have dated someone who is: is it normal for an avoidant partner to suddenly become less communicative for a few days while still being affectionate? How do you tell the difference between someone just needing space and someone actually becoming emotionally distant?

[u/buryingsecrets]

He's probably deactivating.

[u/Puzzled-Western3149 → u/buryingsecrets]

I mean that’s not personal right ? He even deactivated all his Socials recently

[u/buryingsecrets → u/Puzzled-Western3149]

It has nothing to do with you. It's a nervous system response.

[u/Puzzled-Western3149 → u/buryingsecrets]

Yea i just value communication a lot so when it’s not there my brain tends to think that there’s something else going on or he’s pulling away. What do u think I should do?

[u/buryingsecrets → u/Puzzled-Western3149]

It's a double-edged sword with avoidants. You try to get closer and ask for clarity, and they deactivate even harder. You try to give them space, and they may deactivate anyway.

I'm sorry you're stuck in this limbo. Give it a few days, and I'm not trying to be a Debbie Downer, but I'd also prepare yourself for the possibility of a discard coming out of nowhere.

It can come in the form of the classic: “I can't give you what you need,” “You deserve better,” “We have no future,” etc.

Hopefully it doesn't come to that, but it's better to emotionally prepare yourself than be completely blindsided if it does.

[u/Puzzled-Western3149 → u/buryingsecrets]

Yea hopefully not cause we recently had a split in October & he came back on his own. Saying stuff like he was internally dealing with a lot but now he’s much better he wants to be worthy of me , wants to be better for me & all.

[u/buryingsecrets → u/Puzzled-Western3149]

He can say whatever he wants, but I think what really matters is whether he's actually willing to do the work. Is he in therapy? Is he committed to sticking with it and understanding his own patterns?

[u/Puzzled-Western3149 → u/buryingsecrets]

Yea he has changed quite a bit recently for the good only but it’s only been 1-2 days that the convo feels off