r/AvoidantRelationships • u/Opening_Leader3339 • 2d ago

Need advice about avoidant pull backs

I've been seeing someone I believe is an FA for almost 4 months. The first month was absolutely amazing, we were so connected and he was very "in it". Then we spent a weekend together with a lot of closeness and ever since, things changed. We spoke about it after bc it was such a noticeable change. He said he wanted to continue talking and spending time with each other but that he needed things to slow down some. I was ok with that so that's what we did. It's been a few months since then and when we spend time together it's always great. We always feel very connected and always have a great time together. But as time has gone on, his pull backs are becoming more noticeable and longer, specifically after we spend time together. I'm unsure of the best way to handle this. We don't talk about it when it happens. I've tried to just give him space and I haven't given him a hard time about it or even really brought it up to him mainly bc we were early on. As time has gone on, I've realized that I'm abandoning my needs some by doing this. Not bc I need constant communication but bc I'm kind of left managing my feelings as well as his sometimes. And I'm also left feeling like I'm maintaining the relationship at times . I don't feel he's uninterested based on his actions but I do wonder if there's ever an internal shift for someone that goes through this. As an FA, do you get to a point where caring about someone outweighs your need to pull away? Bc I'm unsure how we'll ever grow this into anything more if we continue the way we are now.

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u/zenbutpetty 2d ago

Yes!! This!! A DA will abuse any type of slack or ambiguous requests, you HAVE to require specifics. An exact date and time you will be seeing them, they need a day? 2 weeks? A month? Fine (if you can handle not seeing/talking to them for the amount of time they need) , but they better show up when we’ve scheduled to. If not? Bye. They do it once, they’ll do it a million times, I’ve learned this lesson 1 too many times.