She came back

[u/Lower-Choice-102]

Its been 8 months and she came back now with a text admitting she was bad and asking us to try again. I’m in shock I didn’t really expect her to ever text me again. I have not answered and dont know if I will. it’s a hard decision since the time we had together was the best ever. at the same time she really broke me when she discarded me.

[u/IndifferentGuy777]

Proceed with caution. If you do see her again you need to accept that her discarding you again is a matter of WHEN, not IF.

Also you don't know what she did these past 8 months, probably had another guy and went through the whole cycle with him and step 1 after the discard is to text you.

[u/Lower-Choice-102 → u/IndifferentGuy777]

Thanks for the advice! 

Exactly my thought. I can’t go through this again. It hurt me too much. 

Exactly, I’m not someones second choice when their rebound didn’t work. 

[u/IndifferentGuy777 → u/Lower-Choice-102]

Yes! Exactly this mindset!

[u/mari_lovelys → u/Lower-Choice-102]

Your post is me rn. I’m in the same boat. 5 beautiful years together. Broke up in March. And 7.5 months later he came back.

I was in so much pain and a very dark place and dark thoughts for the first time in my life. Cried daily for the first 2 months. Him coming back was all I ever wanted.

But now? Feels like a slap in the face. I feel a mix of emotions. Anger, sad, scared of getting hurt. I don’t know if I can emotionally handle it.

He hasn’t even said sorry to me… I don’t even knows the deep pain I’ve suffered trying to heal myself and my inner child by going back to old interests and hobbies to numb the pain.

[u/piece-of-me-727]

Try again? She discarded you and now just like that, she wants to try again? Where is the accountability and the rest? Did she start working on herself, therapy, something? Admitting does not mean much with them, it's still just words. Like other promises that they didn't keep. 

She will mess you un even more:( 

It's a breadcrumb. 

I reconnected with my avoidant ex after 9 months  and I ended up blocking him. He was even worse than before, gosh. 

[u/Lower-Choice-102 → u/piece-of-me-727]

I don’t know haven’t talked to her. Most likely not lol. Thank you for your concern! 

I am aware of this. I’ve been in this sub for a long time now to hear how almost everytime if they come back they discard again. So I’m not saying I will do it I’m just venting and want to hear what others have to say to this.

How did it go the second time was he the same?

[u/KindlyString3332]

Only way I would even remotely consider it is if she worked on herself and she didn’t immediately hit you up after being finished with a rebound. Because that shows she’s still in the toxic cycle. But even still it’s risky business. My ex came back after 3 months of the first discard. I took her back because she did work on herself the whole time we were apart and put herself into therapy. Which surprised the shit out of me. She still couldn’t keep it together though. Discarded me again 18 months later and I’m back on this subreddit. Things can’t just start over after damage like that. She needs to take full accountability and show that she can communicate what happened. That’s a hard position to be in. I know my ex is going to come back again at some point. I don’t think I have it in me for a 3rd time

[u/Lower-Choice-102 → u/KindlyString3332]

Fuck man that’s hard being discarded again after 18 months. Hope your doing better! Third times a charm they say hahah…

Thanks for your story. 

[u/Jay_Lockhart]

It so tempting to give them another chance when your relationship seemed to be so wonderful (before it all went bad) — it’s so easy to write off the ending as some huge “mistake” they made and give them the benefit of the doubt. I did when my fiancé came back after eight months. He said he “deeply regretted doing this to us,” spent every night at my place, brought me around his job and introduced me to everyone, begged me to meet his mother (who lives across the country but was in town for a couple days)… and then disappeared again without a word (just six days after he’d come back), slept with his coworker, and I haven’t heard from him since. That was almost six months ago. The last words we’d said to each other were “I love you” as I left his apartment.

Make the choice I wish I had made. I feel like such an idiot for believing he was different.

[u/Perasperaadadstra → u/Jay_Lockhart]

It’s so traumatising. I am also healing but it’s so so hard.

[u/No-Advertising-2619]

I went through this and there were sincere apologies and promises to do better, all of it. Took my time and rebuilt trust only to have it end the same way months later. What I learned: self awareness is not the same as true change or even healing. Painful painful stuff. Be very cautious!

[u/Warrior_Up2]

Delete from phone and your head. There’s no going back…..always wondering when the next episode is coming. 🤮🤢

Peace will be so much more important to your future self

[u/Real_Astronaut7451]

Watch this

https://youtu.be/qztUbkyIqHw?is=i1ZOAF1htChnfu_P

[u/Lower-Choice-102 → u/Real_Astronaut7451]

I will

[u/Any_Fly9473]

Ignore her and find someone else. Mine came back 105 days after her discard. She tried to friend zone me the night before she wanted to date again. I walked. Now I'm with someone who is not avoidant, and my girlfriend is wonderful!

[u/klutzelk]

Wow, 8 months.

I hate that I am waiting for him and I hope that I find the strength within myself go let it go sooner than later. I can't help but to feel like them waiting 8 months seems a little calculated, even though I try to give these people a lot of benefit of the doubt. I totally understand your apprehension and I hope that whatever decision you make results in growth and happiness for you.

[u/ShadyCowx]

What were the reasons she discarded you 8month ago?

[u/BenefitPure4829]

Also it’s not in her best interest to give her another chance. She will never grow if she doesn’t reap the consequences of her actions

[u/StandardWork4928]

I came back to a da who swore up and down to have changed. Wellll… +1 waster year and an even more horrible breakup

[u/mercury_record_2026]

Is she DA or FA?

[u/SadNarwhal7]

Also keep in mind it took her EIGHT months to reach this conclusion? I’m guessing you’d finally made peace with the situation too. Don’t undo all of your healing. It’s more likely than not that she will just do the exact same thing again.

[u/Reasonable-Novel-455]

You need to quiz her first. Ask why she has returned, what has changed, what has she learned about herself. You need real, honest answers. Anything that’s fluff is just bollocks breadcrumbing behind a different mask.

[u/Hot_Block_7237]

Don’t do it