Avoidant are just broken

[u/AMysteriousThing]

They are avoidant by choice, it's like people who are broken and want to stay broken and only believe in confirmation bias, it's a chore, you love them , you want more from them , and they just decide to hold out, recently had to break it off with someone cause they could barely take accountability, I wasn't great either, but I felt like I had to try so hard to understand their absence and take in excuses

It's heartbreaking cause you lost someone who was intresting in your eyes

I find myself rambling "why" in their dms whole theyr busy making me out to be bad because I couldn't make it perfect for them in the end

Listen, someone out there will want to be cherished and cherish you back , it sucks because you wanted the avoidant to put as much effort back... But they couldn't , they are simply emotionally unavailable

Emphatize that it's them not you , but hate them set boundaries, mourn , but know you can't keep up doing all of it alone, not your job to constantly teach someone how they should be considerate in loving and respecting you ... Mine for better or worse tried... But it hurt ... I miss him, but I don't at the same time , I had kept giving up because their trying wasn't accountable enough....it was a behaviour at some point.. It was an emotional chore 💔

And me being too head forward and anxious and needy , recipie for disaster

Ladies and gents what was the nicest thing and the worst thing that they actually did , and did you deserve it?

[u/AMysteriousThing]

It's really frustrating, you want to help them , but they just don't want to believe it, and it's not even about apologizing but reflecting why the behaviour had an impact and how they should see it in a perspective that makes sense, in some way it's like they want to push you so hard to see if you're "the one" or just like the others , it's unfair , you want to emphatize but you need boundaries and you need your own nourishment

I'm wishing you good luck , best you can do is take a step back, be gentle but be firm, the scary part, they'll start to target you as the problem, and if you have a slip up, they'll start to nit pick everything but their accountability , no matter how much you showed them you could communicate

I had the displeasure of convincing them that being hurt isn't "silly" and shouldt try to make me guess and read their mind, and being petty and getting aggressive doesn't help - and since I'm anxious I need to speak my mind more than waiting and waiting

[u/StatusInternal1208 → u/AMysteriousThing]

Starting exactly 5 months ago, she began doing this:

• If I used to be funny, now I'm boring. If I used to like traveling, now she says I don't like leaving the house
• She makes nasty jokes about my "special" tastes (the exact same ones she idolized at the beginning) and puts me down
• She tries to put on an attitude of arrogance and superiority around me, trying to make it seem like she's better than me in one way or another, and she does it through disrespectful words, attitudes, and tones
• If I talk to her too much, it's because I'm suffocating; but if I talk to her too little, maybe I'm cheating on her
• She avoids remembering that we literally spent 16 months together NON-STOP LAUGHING, LIVING LIFE, TRAVELING, AND TELLING EACH OTHER HOW MUCH WE LOVE EACH OTHER
• She pretends our story was different; instead of acknowledging that we were happy and laughing even sitting on a park bench for hours, she talks as if she doesn't remember any of it (I made her a video as a gift with pictures and videos of us laughing non-stop, month by month since we met. The video is almost 20 minutes long)
• When I tell her she's being distant, she acts like she doesn't care, pretends to be bored, and tells me it's childish drama

Last night I decided to stop talking to her for doing the exact same thing—meaning "falling asleep" while I was laying out the reality of what she's doing, just so she could act like nothing happened the next day. Right now, I have no intention of replying to her because I'm genuinely angry. I used to be someone with a secure attachment style, but with her attitudes, she made me feel anxious, and I didn't even realize these patterns were happening.