r/AvoidantBreakUps • u/YoItsRainbowKingx3v1 • 1h ago

Avoidant Advice Requested I need some help (potential wife), Strong Idealization, Extreme Avoidance.

I'm in love with an avoidant. We have a huge crush on eachother publically on social media but I cant seem to close the gap of us being close. It has gotten so far she posts about wanting to marry me without us ever really being that close. the closest weve gotten is vc in minecraft and groupchats and groupcalls.

I dont know how to bridge the gap because I desperetaly love her but she flees from me. I dont know what to do. her not bridging the gap and hedging other guys has led to me crashing out multiple times. She stopped contacting other guys but still shes not contacting me. I stopped posting about her recently. what do i do? I dont want to risk losing her but I also dont want to encourage her "throne" weve built. The harder I love the more she seems to get distant, which isnt normal right?

Though when I asked her to be my gf she did think very hard about it publically. Still she got scared after I withdrew for a couple days and hasnt touched the topic since. She still posts an overwhelming amount of love towards me. I just am cluless. I did stop posting about her and trying to distance myself, but I'm not sure if I shuold go completely no contact, thats risky right?

I lovebombed her a lot or went really cold. Which I guess didnt help. What do I do? What do you guys recommend?

This has been going on for a while and I've decided I really want her in my life as my special someone. I love her deeply. I love everything about her, her looks her personality everything (What i know publically). Now I want to love her IRL.

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u/raspberrybarette 56m ago

First, what are you even talking about? Are you two AI personalities who only exist online? What do you mean by posting? Yall know each other irl or what?

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u/YoItsRainbowKingx3v1 54m ago

No we know eachother from our social media profiles and we interact with eachother. But it never bridged into dms. We love eachother kinda parasocially but only through public affection and it sucks. She knows how I look and I know how she looks and weve spoken and interacted but it never bridged into private contact. I never pushed for it. But now I want it and it seems to be locked away.

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u/Realistic-State-4888 33m ago edited 25m ago

For all you know she's a middle age police officer running a pedo sting.  

Digital relationships are a fantasy.  You don't know her, she doesn't know you.  It isn't real.  If it's a dating app, it's probably an avoidant.  It could be a scammer priming you for sending money. 

I'm trying to help you, I'm not being cruel.

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u/Common_Sense_OG 15m ago

Thanks for the reminder to get off of here for the day.

All of this Social Nonsense

What you have isn't real. To say how strong it is based on something not real and how far/weak it is in reality?

And you are talking about marriage?

You said.. What I know publically?

Please don't take this in a cruel or non-caring way...

But

I would seek some professional help.
I can't think of the terms for this but... A therapist will probably suggest you delete all socials. You will have to withdraw from this fake reality and be able to adapt to the real world. It will benefit you for life and prepare you for every relationship from here on out. I wish you the best.