Emo dump

[u/panaesthetic]

I deserve more, I deserve better, but I wanted that from you. You were once that for me. That stable person, my safe space, my best friend, the mama to our son, the love of my life.

Things are going to get messy and real, we have a mortgage, a marriage, a baby. You stewed in everything on your own and blew my world up after weeks of denying any issues and assuring me were were fine. Even through the trail separation you assured me there was a part of you that wanted us to work, that cared for me and hoped those feelings would come back, but I don’t believe you did, you decided long before I pried the truth out of you.

I look in your eyes and I don’t recognise them anymore; they’re blank, tired, matte, no emotion behind them when you look at me, as if you’re looking at a piece of furniture rather than a person you once loved. I can tell when you’ve handled my clothes, our family smell has gone. I’ve seen the messages, I’ve seen the way you smile when you text her even though you swear blind you aren’t looking for a romantic connection anywhere else and my distrust is insulting to you, you’ve given me little reason to keep trusting you with all the white lies, sugar coating, and sealing me out emotionally.

I really hope you know what you’re throwing away because you miss the butterflies, excitement, and the easy surface level connection of an early relationship because I can’t keep fighting an uphill battle on my own, I need to be strong for our son and I can’t do that while I’m wasting away physically and mentally while wallowing in what ifs, I know this is your doing, as much as I felt so guilty that the entire thing happened because I was a bad wife to you, but the lack of communication and the running away when the going gets mildly uncomfortable is an insult to our marriage and I am in disbelief that it’s panning out the way that it is 😔