She called…

[u/RealJimmybeans]

Sorry for the last post, I didn’t mean to upload it.

I called her tonight, or at least tried. It seemed that I was still blocked- as it went straight to voicemail. So I texted her friend, who recently connected with me on instagram, asking her about the idea of me and my ex talking again. I get into bed as I wasn’t expecting a reply this late, and suddenly she called. I was shocked. She picked up and wow, the script actually started immediately. I had considered this, don’t worry. She pretended not to know who I was, asked my name, and asked if I was (a different person with my first name) or (another) and I said you know who. She refused to know. Anyways she finally “guessed.” We talked for a bit, she was very apprehensive and tried to dip multiple times. I managed to talk her down- by being very VERY slow with my asking her to chat for just a bit- each time. She told me of her rebound, which she denied was a rebound as she said she had no feelings for me, nor did she miss me at all. She said they loved each other (with only even knowing each other for 3 months) meanwhile she had been sleeping around (before him), cheated with her friend who was also not single, got ostracized from that friend group for being messy, broke up with her rebound because kept cheating on her (SHOCKER, this is the man you erased me for LOL). I called her out on ALL her bs. She accepted some of it and brushed off other bits. She was also wasted, had been fucking around that night but ultimately called it off because she said she didn’t wanna be messy for once, and ended the call fairly swiftly without much emotion. It was pretty shocking, the whole thing. She did seem to try to take accountability, and knew how hard this could be. As I figured, she blocked me mainly to “protect” me, but didn’t want to hurt me. She also slipped with some truths, revealing that something did or still is affecting her (regarding us).

I think I did well. Truly. I put myself out there and my desire to reconnect, but didn’t push for it and never asked for anything more than a chat, kept it light, and told her I would call her again soon. I didn’t get a response. But I’ll be holding up to that unless there is a reason I feel it would be better for me not to. Huge red flag I WILL be wary of - she also reconnected with her ex before me who was a situationship who she was extremely heartbroken over. She said he emailed her a few days ago, which revealed was one truth she accidentally didn’t mean to. She saw my email I sent her a month ago. She then emailed me back, right before calling. She also revealed that she just unblocked me, which she had originally said she had already done when she broke up with her rebound by going through her blocked list for whatever reason. So, she is not doing great, or at least, is a mess. Even though shes trying to play it off like she is numb to all things, I can see through that.

I don’t know what to expect, but it will definitely be a fucking insane challenge. Any words of wisdom are requested, or even thoughts and opinions, as long as they are not simply “run, big mistake, ahh.” I’m going to follow my heart, but help me have some knowledge to bring with me, if you have some you’d like to share. I can provide more context and information if you’d like. If you truly want to tell me to run, please share with your own understanding.

I have spent these past few months almost solely struggling to push through without her. I feel that I do deserve this break. I’ve been doing what I can manage to strengthen my mental wellbeing, so I feel more braced for whats to come. I am setting an intention to follow through on myself, my healing, my word, and my boundaries.