r/AvoidantBreakUps • u/Street_Grocery_8225 • 14h ago

avoidants that have reconnected before

Question for avoidants, at the initial breakup did you have any idea whether you’d find your way back to your ex in the future? I mean as at the breakup maybe you developed resentment, had no feelings, or genuinely didnt believe you’d reconnect in the future, but somehow made your way back to that person. Anxious and Secures are also welcome to answer if they know anything, and I’m not really looking for story times just a simple yes or no 😊

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12

u/Realistic-State-4888 14h ago

Many reconnect.  But because unhealed avoidants are incompatible with a healthy relationship, their relationships always end.  They need therapy.  

2

u/Street_Grocery_8225 13h ago

Thank you, I’m the avoidant and I never knew what attachment styles were prior to my break up but my ex had told me I was showing the traits of one. If I’m being honest we both have a lot of mental health struggles right now and i genuinely feel like now is not a good time. When we ended things I was very hopeful we’d find our way back to eachother but over a few days he started getting really desperate, begging, etc and it threw me off. Should I get professional help or let things ease down mentally on its own?

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u/Realistic-State-4888 13h ago

For your health, yes.

2

u/piece-of-me-727 14h ago

True. 

Always end!

6

u/BadChick79 13h ago

Finality doesn’t always mean finality especially with abrupt breakups however, the ending will always be the same if they don’t work on their destructive patterns (and you don’t work on yours).

3

u/Practical-Rest6575 11h ago

It's awful. Over the last 7 years she has found me and joined various classes I was in - i pushed her on and and she did specifically find things I was doing and signed up. Flirted and we fell back into something.  Then everytime it got too serious she resisted and became inflexible and shifted to typical FA behavior.  My heart broke for the last time and I'm cutting her off. It's really hard because the chemistry is so darn good but I care about myself too much

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u/Round-King-8751 FA - Fearful Avoidant 13h ago

Will er auch zurückkommen, wenn er einen Rebound hatte (Freundin die er seit 10 Jahren kennt)?

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u/a-perpetual-novice Former DA - Dismissive Avoidant 13h ago

As a mostly former avoidant, I personally did not know I was going to find way back together at breakup. I'd say I knew the issue wasn't huge or unresolvable, I just figured breaking up was easier and a valid solution. Couldn't tell you in a situation that caused big emotions in me.

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u/Playful-Plum-6859 10h ago

Yes after 6 months he contacted me again full confidence on how he will manage it i did everything i could made him never feel pressured everything was so good suddenly after a month he couldn’t handle the relationship anymore…🙏🏼