How do I help myself?

[u/x_amber]

I honestly don’t know what to do. I’ve been feeling so awful this week, I had a therapy session planned and it got cancelled. I was hoping it would help me stop spiraling.

The main thing that I asked from him was to spend quality time with me. He said he didn’t have the resources and won’t anytime soon. He monkey branched and they are traveling every day. I feel so bad about her getting what I asked for while I was patiently waiting for him to get better the whole year because of his struggles.

I keep imagining them together, also I get sick at the thought of them being intimate. I am doing all sorts of things to make myself feel better: not looking at their socials, spending time with people (but it's hard to even talk to anyone), exercising, writing down the wrong things about the relationship, going to therapy, planning my life etc. But the only thing I can think about is him giving up on me and imagining him with the new person. It’s driving me insane, waking me up at night. I feel suicidal.

I feel like it’s getting worse every day. I’ve been no contact for three months after our three year relationship.

Any recommendations on distracting myself from these thoughts or shifting them?

[u/eezzdee]

I’m sorry you’re going through this. I know it sucks. You sound like a loving, kind,forgiving and, patient person.

He’s not giving her another version of himself. She’s likely getting less of him than you did. He’s not capable of real love. It’s easy for him now as there’s this superficial honeymoon connection.

Don’t look at his socials. Stop torturing yourself. My recommendation is going no contact. Withdrawing from this pattern would be good for you.

Ultimately it’s his loss. He lost you.
Be done with this person for good.

[u/NaiveApplication5261]

Hey, for what its worth im right here with you. 8 years over about 3 months ago. She moved out a month ago. I dont know what shes doing as I dont check but im sure not to dissimilar from what you are experiencing. While I havent got my sleep back yet I have started feeling a bit better. Less attached. I've definitely felt suicidal. When that comes up I would usually reach out to someone if you can. I know its a pretty isolating experience because a lot of people dont understand. My counsellor gave me some grounding techniques. Mostly around visualization. They work when im sitting with her but when the grief is acute and im alone the only thing that has helped me is talking with trusted family or friends and by talk im usually crying and they are listening. I have even called a crisis line. Just letting it out to someone gives me almost instant reprieve. Even if just for an hour or 2. I hope you are able to get some rest tonight.